Changes in Self Image

[sKePTiKal]

Yes James - I did experience a whole lot of being with my emotions. But working with my T, she wouldn't allow me to get "stuck" in re-experiencing the emotions - have them, feel them, and then take a break - do something that makes me feel GOOD, too - and then talk about them. She was teaching me, I think, that I could feel everything - not just the radioactive waste stuck in my unconscious...

I have no idea what philosophy my T follows - but with my obsessive nature, it was vital that I didn't continue "banging my head on the brick wall" of those emotions, over & over. I mean: how else was I going to feel about what happened to me? I was going to be hurt, I was going to be extremely angry... sad... afraid...
and her role was to help me feel better. That is, after all, the goal of therapy.

Because in the end, what I've come to is that those awful feelings were exactly the correct response to the situation I was facing. The only reason I had those feelings in my present life (inappropriately), was because what I'd suppressed were the facts, the events, the memories... of what happened to me. Once the memories came back - the emotions lifted from my present life. (They still exist in conjunction with the memories...and all that's in the past and doesn't affect me NOW...)

It's a fine line, I guess - between sitting with a feeling, working with it - and walking the dangerous edge of immersing yourself in a feeling without the possibility of a constructive result. For me, that would be hopelessness - total lack of power to control my own feelings and life - and I surely don't have any desire to go there, especially doing it to myself. Absolutely not useful to my healing, at all. Absolutely a dangerous place to go...

because if you accept hopelessness, despair, lack of control of your own emotions without the possibility of a benefit... to me, this is self-abuse. There is really only so much pain we can bear as humans - and I believe that Ami has borne way more than her share. I'm only suggesting that maybe it's time to put that burden down and try another path... maybe in addition to sitting with the emotions.

[Ami]

For  me, Amber, this is the first time I have felt free from deep pain, in my life. My "new" way of healing, which James showed me, is the   way to go , for me.    Ami

[sKePTiKal]

As long as you're getting free of the pain, Ami... it doesn't matter what method you use. I'm happy for you! I was simply concerned that you were getting mired in nothing BUT pain... and oh so worried for you.

I think maybe understanding each other is just beyond arm's reach for both of us at the moment: I'm not quite getting what you're saying and so I'm saying things that are maybe irrelevant. Thanks for being patient. I think I'm entering a whole new "place" of being me... and meanings, perceptions, etc are changing. It's all good, though... I'm just a bit discombobulated.

[Ami]

I feel very clear on my path to healing. I know,with certainty, that I am on the right path. As such, I can see other paths which are not right for me. Wishing you well.   Ami

[Overcomer]

You know Am I think there comes a point when our mothers lose their power over us.  Yes sometimes just one conversation can push us over the edge but we need to clear our head and remember those are just knee jerk reactions to an in grained aversion to our moms.  Mantra.  SHE HOLDS NO POWER OVER ME.  SHE HOLDS NO POWER OVER ME!  I AM A WONDERFUL PERSON!  I CAN DISAGREE WITH MY MOM AND IT IS OK!  We are ok.  They do not own us.  We are not bad!  We are sweet and cute and we think the world of us!

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
 The problem with that approach is that our "original" feelings of pain, hopelessness , rejection, betrayal, etc are locked in our brains and our bodies. That is why positive thinking, so to speak, does not work(IME) .
  Addictions, repeitive lifestyle choices (like many marriages and divorces) etc spring from unconscious patterns held deep inside. If positive thinking worked, I would be the first one on the band wagon.
 I wish it did,Kelly, but I don't think it does.          Love  Ami

[towrite]

Ami - I think your "bad self" is a lie. You and I have talked about the lies that NP's tell us. You are so brave - taking the hard road to discovering your goodness and discarding the lies.

Kate

[Ami]

Thanks so much,Kate. Your words really touch me!   Love  Ami


(((((((Kate))))))))

[sKePTiKal]

I agree that those bad feelings are locked in our unconscious and are made known to us through our bodies, through the ways we seem to always choose bad things for ourselves.

Once those feelings are known... then for many of us, the "releasing" part involved allowing ourselves to think and feel the REST of us... the good feelings and good thoughts about our selves. Just a tad bit different experience, than what's known as "positive thinking". I agree with you again - just repeating a good thought about ourselves without believing it doesn't banish the unconscious radioactive waste...

... until something in you SHIFTS** - is allowed to shift - into the rest of your feelings (the unprogrammed ones) you won't be able to generate new beliefs and hopes about yourself... sounds like this is starting to happen for you now. It can be a strange place and I only became aware of it happening after I was well into it. It's gradual in the extreme. Maybe it even starts while we're still focussed on the negative feelings... I'm not sure. But at some point, I think I realized I could feel lots things at the same time - and they weren't all negative. And slowly - that center of gravity of "me" - started shifting; it was freed from the control of the unknown, unseen, unconscious...and it's still losing power over me.

** like awareness, perception, consciousness, heart/spirit

[Overcomer]

No I agree Ami.  This new book I am reading talks about these negative neuropaths we have in our brains - not easy to erase those negative impulses that have been ingrained all our lives.  But what we can say whenever we have the strength to say it is SHE HOLDS NO POWER OVER ME.  It may not be right but I believe we have to talk it and think it and talk it and think it.  I will give more of a book report as I progress through the book.  I want to know what this woman says about how to erase those "trees" of negative emotions we have ingrained in our brains!

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
  I have ,already, had success with James helping me. He allowed me to feel deep feelings by simply being on my(the inner child's ) side. You have to study the Enlightened Witness by Alice Miller to understand how it works.
  I never had the feeling of anyone on MY side. We don't, usually, all our lives. We get the "message" to get over it etc.
 It is very powerful to have a person ,who has been through some deep healing, to be by your side as you truly see what happened to you.
 I got deep healing this way. I ,already, feel different so I know, with everything in me, that it works. It is not theory for me.
 Amber, I have no desire to debate theory b/c I "know'.       Ami

[sKePTiKal]

Just a point of clarification -

I'm not quoting anybody's work or experience but my own. It's not a theory to me, either. I also "know"...

[Ami]

Great. Then we both ,know.

[James]

The way out into a real freedom is thru our recognition of how we play out old traumas unconsciously, daily recreating almost exact copies of our past, in an attempt to find resolution.(the body's natural drive to process trauma) Until we are aware of this, nothing can really change. We find the real insight to do this only if we face the old pain and gain the true insight of what happened. Much of our adult pain is nothing more than this unconscious replay but we fail to understand what seems so real is NOT NOW, it is actually about THEN. We cannot change until we find this about ourselves. When we do find this truth we realize it is about THEN and can never be worked out in the present thru recreation because it is not real NOW.(the players and circumstances have changed) Feeling the old pain will provide us the insight needed to see the fallacy of what we have been doing. This insight occurs as we  finally process the old trauma by way of experiencing the repressed feelings and then appears the truth about what we have been unconsciously doing. Then it can be over for good. Positive thinking, intellectualizing , Mantras etc etc will never work, because in essence deny the truth. I hope this makes sense. Unless a person finds this to be true for themselves it is almost nearly impossible to explain it and have a person experience it as real. At the very best most usually see it only intellectually. I have seen many people think they understand the unconscious but they really don't. Many therapists fall into this category and thats why they are ineffective..........James

[Ami]

That post, James , cannot be improved on, other than to say Thank You.        Love    Ami