Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
overreaction, or not?
tigerlily:
God, Discounted girl- you ain't a'kiddin. You hit the nail on the head. I really need that. Right now I'm feeling really weird- I'm looking around, and everything has quieted down after all these years. I spent my lifetime trying to please her. I spent 14 years trying to placate my first nhusband till I got rid of his ass. I spent all those years raising three boys pretty much by myself so I had to be in 90 places at once and make sure their needs were met. Then I had my mother living with me for two years and then catering to her demands when she went into the nursing home for two years. All of a sudden there is just me to worry about. (Fortunately, my present husband is a mature, normal person who doesn't suck the life blood out of me like my mother and ex did). And I can't believe I finally have the time and opportunity to think about me and my needs for the first time. It's like walking out of a noisey, dark theater into the quiet sunlight and feeling the peace. Do you know that feeling? It's almost surreal. I am going to take it real easy and start thinking about the things in my life I want to organize and prioritize. I want to take the deep breaths I've needed to take for a long time and start enjoying the things around me. I hardly know where to start.
Thank all of you for your kind words. It has really helped.
les:
Dear Tigerlily
I too am sorry for all your losses. It sounds like there is time in your life now to find(( you ))again. My mother is very old. I've often wondered, despite our terrible relationship, what it would be like when she is gone. So much would change and even if it's all for the best it still must be an adjustment to learn how to breathe in deeply and freely, stand up straight and think about simply enjoying your life. Hugs to you.
Les
Lizbeth:
They haunt you in your dreams, but my deams of my crazy mother have been good since she died, since I forgave her. They are of the relationship we never had--she is not crazy in my dreams.
--- Quote from: les ---Dear Tigerlily
I too am sorry for all your losses. It sounds like there is time in your life now to find(( you ))again. My mother is very old. I've often wondered, despite our terrible relationship, what it would be like when she is gone. So much would change and even if it's all for the best it still must be an adjustment to learn how to breathe in deeply and freely, stand up straight and think about simply enjoying your life. Hugs to you.
Les
--- End quote ---
tigerlily:
Thanks for the hugs. I can't believe this month. I am handling my mother's death alright, but I got some more news last evening. My best friend from my young wild and single days died. Her daughter called me to tell me the news. She was only a couple of months older than me. We had been apartment mates back in those days. We shared a lot of history of good times, mutual friends, etc. I was with her when she met her husband, we worked in the same hospital together, etc. I still haven't shed a tear over my mother's death and I was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me, but when I got the news about my friend I cried like a baby. Boy, when it rains, it pours. What the hell next?
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