help with grieving

[Anonymous]

I want to get past this stage and get on with my life.  

Every time I think I have sorted out an issue a new one appears for me to sort through.  Already gone through BPD issues over my mother to the point of emotional attachement.

I am now going through NPD issues over my father.

My last issue which I confessed to my husband was having emotional attachments to other men.  This started just before the birth of my baby aged 9 months now.

I realised that this was the start of my grieving process for my father as I wanted to see how other men saw me and how they related to me.

They related to the image I have of myself kind, caring, intelligent.  This was in complete contrast to how my father sees me 'a stupid bimbo'.  Even though I have a University degree.

In fact my father was more happy when I married a moron in my first marriage.  Who I believed had N traits.  As his wish for me was to be pregnant , living on welfare, in a council house.  He is more angry at me now being married to my second husband who sees me for me, is more succesful than my father and a process a University degree like myself.

I no wonder want any contact with this man who gives me such a negative false image of myself.

But when and how does this grieving process stop and how can I help myself through it ?

[Somebody]

Guest, it's hard to grieve but natural.  In death, we lose so much of a person.  However, if there are good memories of that person, it can help to remember we still have those memories and keep them very much alive.  I'm sorry for your loss and I hope time will help you heal.  The best help you can give yourself is speaking with others and expressing your feelings.  Check for groups that help with grieving in your area.  They are often done through churches.

There's something you said that I wonder about:

"...this man who gives me such a negative false image of myself".

First, if this is a "gift" he "gives" you, you can send it back, right?
Don't open it.  Who needs such a gift anyhow?   Package it up and ship it out, is my advice.  Still better, send it to the incinerator and let it smoke there.

Second, "false image of myself".  It's false, right?  So does that mean you believe it?

Don't.

He may try to make you think negatively about yourself, but you can always think:  "That's false" and let it slide.  He can't make you think anything.  You are in charge of your thinking.

Just my 2 pennies worth.  Hope this helps a little.