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fear

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Somebody:
Hi Flower and all:

Boy, can I relate to much in this thread.  I like the "web" description too and know many of the sticky parts of it (since I've been caught so many times).

Well, to be honest, that paralyzing fear thing is more of an agrivation than anything, in my case.  It doesn't happen very often at all now but it still is annoying when it does happen.  I think:  "After all of this time, you'd think this would quit", when this happens and: "Eventually, it will stop".

Fear is an emotion n people seem to get such satisfaction out of instilling in others (or a buzz from doing so, I don't know).  My deduction is that it is where the "paranoia" comes from.  Somehow, they were soaked in fear (or are soaked in fear) and they just push it onto others, almost because they seem to need to have company in their own fear.  Putting fear in others gives such power, makes us similar to them, if we accept it, or dive into it (the great pool of fear!).

Those who do this fear-injecting, may not seem as if they are full of fear themselves, but I haven't met one yet that isn't.  The thing they are most afraid of, is the truth.  The truth about their own behaviour, the truth about what they are imposing on others, the truth about their "sickness"---These things are terrifying for them to face up to.  People who do this have the lowest of self-esteem and just strike out relentlessly, as if to say:

"I can't stand myself, I'm afraid of what I am, therefore, I'm giving you some of what I don't want -here you take it."

Here, again, compassion can actually help us to see the real picture.  Rejecting the fear that they are trying to force is the best protection from that paranoia that evolves into bigger and better things.  This will occur after enough fear is given to us over a long enough time.

Recognizing that the whole fear thing revolves around them getting power and pushing part of themselves, part they really don't like, away, is the key to helping us decide not to accept that from them.

As children, we had no way of knowing all of this and even as adults, that fear can be infused incidiously, sometimes without our awareness.

The real paralyzing fear from trauma, well that's our memory trying to tell us that our perpetrators were effective in their objective.  The thoughts we have after such recall can help us reduce the incidence of recall.

Just some of my thoughts on it.

(((((((((((Flower))))))))))))

Discounted Girl:
never told this before -- worried it might come true or worried that I might imagine it is coming true -- anyhow, I have a fear that I will experience a "flash back" of some horror that I went through that I have buried deep in my psyche. It may sound silly, but I do have a real fear that I will suddenly remember something too horrible to describe. I have nothing to base it on other than I now realize my NQueenmother is fully capable of anything and she certainly was when she was a young woman with a helpless baby. N's are sociopaths, nothing can change them, they can go into a lull for a while and then have a blowout. If they are out to destroy you, they will make it their life's work. They do not have to be a monster physically, but they are black as night inside and I put nothing past them, nothing.

Anonymous:
Discounted,
You are so right that they are black, as black inside. And that feeling that something can come up out of nowhere I believe is a founded belief.

After starting therapy and allowing myself to dwell on the past - something I had never done - I started remembering things that were oh so painful. But beyond that, when my Nparents were in one of their attack modes 4 years ago, I lived in constant fear that I would recieve an official letter or cops would be at my door everytime the doorbell rang. My Nparents had threatened to report that H and I were abusing our kids 'just to take them away from us because we didin't deserve to have them since we moved 2000 miles away from the grandparents'. H kept telling me I was worrying for mothing but he traveled a lot then and I was afraid they would pull something when they knew he was gone and I was there all alone. It was all lies and an attempt to force us to move back east near them. It did not work and now there is no communication except on birthdays or holidays when they send a stupid card or make an attempt to call. But those days of waking up fearful and going to bed fearful were terrible. Now that I know what my parents really are about, I know that they could have done any of that if they had wanted. They took my sister's child and forced an adoption out of lies.

Somebody:
However, Discounted, before diving deeply into the pool of fear...think.

What are the chances of these things happening?
What is the probability, based on what they've managed and you've managed to do so far?
How likely is it that they will pull this off or even try to??

Remember the power of the fear that can grow by simple multiplication.
Remember to use the courage you do have and have had- so far- and remember to look at what's been accomplished so far.

You've moved 2000 miles away and decreased the contact to the bare minimum right?
And nobody's died yet.

Who are you going to let be in charge of your thoughts?
Them and their pool of you-know-what, or the realitiy that you have improved the situation since you've made these moves and nothing seriously bad has happened because of it?

(((((((((((D-Girl-after-my-own-heart)))))))))))))

Somebody:
Also, sorry, just thought of this.

I don't know about your country, but in my country, you have legal rights.

If you are truly concerned, get yourself a lawyer, ahead of time and explain the situation and your concerns.

Then, get yourself a big, scary dog and train her to protect your property and your family.

In my country, you do not have to let these people into your home.
You are entitled to have a lawyer present during quesitoning of any child or yourself and...

You do not have to speak to these people, nor do your children, otherwise.

Find out the facts of the laws in Alaska, but I am fairly sure this is correct info. (some that I wish I had known, believe me).

Don't be afraid D.  Be informed and prepared!!

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