Is this N behavior?

[mediachick]

I am somewhat haunted by someone I was getting close to for awhile. He is bi-polar, I think the "worse" kind of 1 or 2.
Here's some behavior. Known for about 5 years. Same religion and profession. (radio and tv, both on air and freelance work doing commercials, he has done some print modeling work and tv commercials as an on camera talent.) Several years ago, during a slump in business, I produced some very small budget films. N worked with me, along with other friends. He was the loud obnoxious guy who I kind of tried to avoid, but would accost me after church, and talk about how "great" he is.
After a shared religious experience, we became closer, First he sent me nice emails, spent some time together. Despite another woman in his life, he spend alot of time with me. They did break up. Things looked like they were going to escalate, but for some reason, despite physical attraction, I always held back.
People at work, who were acquainted with N were horrified that I was involved with him. I figured, maybe they knew him before he got help for bi-polar. More to come...

[seeker]

Hi mediachick,

welcome to the board.  Narcissism is really relative, like a spectrum.  Not everyone has full blown NPD.  However....

He was the loud obnoxious guy

attention seeking behavior is typical

would accost me after church

boundary issues?

talk about how "great" he is

does he ever ask how you are?  I have an acquaintance who does the same thing, just starts in on his life even though I didn't ask.  It's so weird.  It is the need to inflate oneself.  Yes, an N trait.

despite physical attraction, I always held back.

listen to your instincts.  In the words of another now legendary N (a legend in our minds as well as his own now   ), Scott Peterson, "I think you have the answers to your questions."

maybe they knew him before he got help for bi-polar.

Uh-oh, sounds like sympathy and possible manipulation coming from him "you are the only one who understands" This works really well on compassionate non-Ns.  Especially ones who believe in being kind to everyone.  Easy prey for Ns.  I know cuz I been there.  Beware of the "wolves among you" esp. in religious settings.  

The hallmark characteristic for N is a lack of empathy.  If you have had conversations which caused you to jerk your head up at his response which reveals a lack of empathy or caring about other people, then you know.  Example: my NSIL asked me when I was pregnant:  "how are you feeling today?" "Oh, okay, a little tired..." "[indignant] I'm tired too!"  Usually tone of voice and context conveys everything...

Why are you "haunted" by this guy?  Are you doubting a decision you made?  Is he stalking you?  Hope you are OK.  Feel free to write with more details and/or questions.  

Peace, Seeker

[Anonymous]

He was the loud obnoxious guy who I kind of tried to avoid, but would accost me after church, and talk about how "great" he is.

Red flag, yes.

After a shared religious experience, we became closer, First he sent me nice emails, spent some time together. Despite another woman in his life, he spend alot of time with me. They did break up. Things looked like they were going to escalate, but for some reason, despite physical attraction, I always held back.

He's religious but despite a woman in his life, he spends time with another woman? Red flag.

People at work, who were acquainted with N were horrified that I was involved with him. I figured, maybe they knew him before he got help for bi-polar. More to come...

If people are horrified there is usually a reason.

Here is a useful website that may be eye-opening.

http://www.drjoecarver.com/

Check out the article on "Identifying Losers in Relationships".

bunny