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T'day's Thoughts eh?

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Somebody:
Things I may decide to do when I'm 96.

Got to thinking about this and here's what came to mind:

When I hit 96, I might start smoking again, maybe even start smoking
pot (and make smoking doubly satisfying maaaan).

I may begin to wear really, really, sleezy clothes and start going to
bars-slash-pubs with big, strapping escort-types (if I can see to dial the
escort service phone number, that is).

I may even start swearing a lot more, but only like Ozzie Ozbourne,
who swears for the shear joy of swearing (not at anyone in particular).

Maybe I won't get anything tucked or implanted, as I originally mentioned
before, because I've since decided that the risks of going under anesthetic
are just too high compared to the possible rewards. (What could be achieved
in that department, at such an age, at what cost?).

Instead, I might get a whole bunch of really weird tatoos, in places that
only show when I wear sleezy clothes and maybe a whole lot of piercings,
in spots like that flabby hanging underarm skin I'll have, and maybe some
on my probably double chin.  Start a new trend?  Who knows?

I know I'll  probably be too old to drive a car by then, but I might save up and
get one of those golf carts some elderly people use, only I'm gonna
really soup mine up!  And put racing stripes -no shooting flames- maybe both
on it, and mag wheels and maybe even some designer fins, and a really,
really loud exhaust system (do golf carts have exhaust systems? Probably
not.  Well I'm getting one-slash-it installed on my custom golf cart anyhow).

I think I'd like a black leather jacket with tons of chains hanging off of it every
where and goggles too, to wear when I drive my golf cart around at lawn
bowling tournaments and out door flea markets (I love those out door flea
markets and I'm not giving them up--no how).

Awwwwww---96.  My friend caught her 86 year old neighbour up in a tree
once.  She was there with a chain saw, "Oh, just trimming a few limbs, dear"
         (it was a very small chain saw but still...!)

I know this neighbour of hers, known her for years, and I remember thinking:

"I wanna be full of that much spunk and vigor when I get to be her age", after
hearing about her tree climbing episode.

Really inspired me, that lady.  She's in her 90's now and all her spark plugs are
still firing!  She's an encyclopedia of knowledge and a real joy to chat with!
To learn from.  To discuss subjects with.  To admire the world with.

She still visits people, in the hospital, every week and bakes some of the
most awesome pies.   Still "fiddles around" in her garden.
Goes to "parties" and generally, just enjoys people and life in general.
Loves her kids to death, always has something pleasant to say to just
about everyone, and is interested in everyone she meets.

What an attitude!
What an amazing person!
How lucky I am to have had the opportunity to know her.

Even if I don't make it to be 96, I have a plan, just in case
and just because she taught me:  "Live all you can, dear".

Somebody:
Hi Nic:

Read your post on P's ramble thread.  I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so down.  That's hard for you to experience that much saddness,
over and over like that.  It's hard to do that by yourself.  Good for you for
reaching out.

Hey, I tried the link you posted for me.  Thanks Nic.  Gave me a giggle.
I meant my appologies but you were right, it was starting to get too
repetitive.

I hear such a kind heart in your voice.   Just wanted to let you know that I
appreciate you Nic.  I appreciate the way you posted to me.  You have a real talent of getting your message across in such a kind way.  That is such a good quality in a person, in you Nic.

I hope tomorrow looks much brighter for you and things start to work out
for you real soon.

Do you have any goals or dreams you may care to share?
Anything you may be interested in planning for the future?
What are your hopes?

I'd like to hear about them, if you feel comfortable speaking.
If not, I understand.

((((((((((((Nic))))))))))

Somebody:
After reading CG's very educating post, in ramble, regarding paranoia, I had some thoughts to add.

CG wrote describing her Paranoia:

" Mine also works like lego building blocks. Someone could say something,
 casually, offhanded, indifferent. They might walk away and not give it a second  thought, and meanwhile, I'd be there going through just about every negative  emotion possible. And often end up stewing and spewing after my mind had finished playing and constructing buildings with it all. "

Then CG goes on to describe an incident with a woman.

After the woman begins acting in what seems such a loud, critical, bossy, obnoxious manner CG feels:

CG "I'm beginning to regress and feel like child by this stage."

Can you remember what thoughts preceded this feeling CG?
Memories of childhood perhaps?  Comparison to n parent's behaviour?

CG's next thoughts:  "And I'm conversing with mtself in my head. "WTF!! P off!!  Leave me alone!!! Go away!! Ignore me please!!! What are you doing this for?  You have no manners? Are you trying to emabrrass me? And I'm beginning to feel all eyes are on me."

At this point, CG is now in a position to be assertive and firm.  This is the hard part.  Getting up the courage to just say what you are feeling, as politely, firmly,and clearly as possible, while giving the message:  "Don't mess with me lady."

What could you have said at this point that may have given this woman that message?
(If you had you decided this was the message you were going to give, that is).

By not standing up to her at this point, she may decide you are telling her:
"Go ahead and mess with me.  I'm afraid of you."

CG:  "These thoughts and suspicions are my lego blocks that I'm building a wall with to keep distance between me and her."

Distance is a way to cope with her abuse but standing up to her, now, right off the bat, letting her know that you will not be a victim of her abusive behaviour, is a possible thing you can choose to do to get her off your back. It all depends on whether or not she is really a bully, or just not behaving her best today.

CG:  "Once upon a time I probably would have said, "FU - do it yourself!"
 But I know I can't do that, and I don't know what to do! "

Right.  You probably shouldn't  say something like that at your child's school (and often, in a lot of situations) because it only makes you look tactless, angry, low class etc.  It is not usually the best solution either because it just accelerates a power struggle.
Instead, you need effective words that will stop this woman in her tracks, if she is indeed trying to bully you.

Often, people like this have an air of "I'm just a truck load of steam and fire, so just try and stand up to me.  I'll blow you into smitherines (now, I doubt I could even find that word in a dictionary, if I bothered?).  People who try to present as such power houses are often the biggest cowards.  That's how they keep others from messing with them.
They try to get control from the beginning of relationships because they are terrified inside of other people, or because they have had really bad experiences with people, or etc.  They steam roll their way to power.

What could you say to such a person to stop them in their tracks?
Using a calm, firm, clear, courageous voice, not real loud but loud enough for her to be aware that others have heard (because she was the loud one that drew attention to begin with), in other words, not a real quiet voice, what words could you have used?

Off topic: I can relate, big time, CG, to your feelings about looking like your father because I always thought I looked like mine and because I was always told I look like him.  This was an insult, not because he was particularly unattractive, but because his behaviour was.
It wasn't until I was an adult, and after my mother was long dead, that I found a wedding picture of my mother and father and compared it to my own first wedding picture.  I looked very closely and realized, "I look almost identical to my mother!  How could she have said that I look like him?  Why did she do that?" and next thought:  "Part of her mix up, I guess".

Looking like my father didn't bother me that much before the above realization because before that, I had taken a real good look at a picture of him, and decided that he wasn't too bad looking and that looks are only skin deep.  I told myself that I was a lot different underneath the skin than him.

Without all the picture comparison, which isn't really necessary, I just want to say CG:
Consider how you are much different underneath the skin too.

Back to the original topic.

CG:  "I don't do the healthy thing and just ignore her."

This is definately an alternative that may be effective, and ended up being the right thing in this situation.  It is especially most useful if you've run into a person who is just having a bad day and behaving badly, and it can be used on first occasions by us to demonstrate generosity and understanding.

However, there is a possibility that if you ignor her, and you are wrong about her just having a bad day, she will behave in a similar fashion toward you, the next time she runs into you, or worse.  This can make standing up to her the second time around, even tougher.  It's a risk that must be weighed.  Is this the point P was making in a later post on that thread?

Another possible response CG wonders about:  ""Hey, thanks for telling me about cutting the tomato wrong. By the way, My name is ----, what's yours? Hi ----, And would you mind telling me what was wrong about my way of tomato slicing, and why it was wrong? And then could  you show me the right way, please."
 
Great idea CG!  You could have done this right off the bat with the woman.  If so, be real clear with eye contact and body language.  Straight in the eye, stand tall, look confident. Not overbearing.  Just confident and aware.

CG re her thinking: "Questioning is dangerous. Mother was lethal if ever questioned about anything she said or did. It was equivalent to committing emotional /psychological suicide."

But this woman is not your mother.  Therein lies the difficulty.  Stopping oneself at that original thinking point, the point right after this woman first insulted you, saying to oneself:  "This is not my mother.  I am not a kid.  I'm not afraid to stand up for myself. Shall I ignor her or not?".

CG describes other less obvious but equally abusive behaviours by mothers that produce the same type of thinking, feelings, reactions in the child.

CG:  "And later, when the child is all grown up, but has this equation built in to them,whenever they feel/sense indifference coming from freind or lover in a relationship they react badly to it."

And how can such things be unbuilt?  Possibly by repetitive, positive, effective thinking techniques?  Is it possible that by substituting new thinking patterns for the old, to create more positive feelings, and an effective sensing system, one that does not allow such abusive people to plow over us, or send our reactions into spiral mode, that a sturdier building can be created? Is this possible?

CG:  "Once that pre-programming kicks in, it's cruel and all-consuming."

Never a truer statement was made.  Can we stop the thing from kicking in by training ourselves to think differently when we first sence the indifference or otherwise recognizable abuse?

CG:  "But sadly, and often, the sickening feelings created by these mis-perception and pre-programming are so damaging to the realtionships of the person who can't cope with indifference. And it becomes a lifelong ever-repeating cycle that they movin, which constantly re-inforces their own negative view point of other people  .Same old patterns. "

You said it CG.  "mis-perception".  That was the just of the pre-programming wasn't it?
Wasn't that the whole idea behind the program, to mix up perception?  We need correct perception to communicate effectively with others don't we?  The n environment really messes up communication.  Some people who behave like this woman did to you in the canteen are actually trying to give a message like this to you:

"Don't mess with me because I'm the smartest, toughest, best person here!"

Do such people really think that about themselves?  If she was the smartest person, she would have offered help instead of criticizing you or better yet, ignored your minor error, if there even was one.  Cutting up a tomato incorrectly.  Plllllllllllllllleeeeeeease!  How can one really f that up??  Come on big smart lady.

Tough?  What because she's loud?  Obnoxious?  A possible bully?  That's not tough that's inconsiderate and silly. It gives a bad impression to others and does not convince most people that anyone is tough.  A tough person doesn't need to push people around.  They stand up for themselves when necessary, and have respect for the rest of the world.

Best person in the room?  In who's book?  Probably not even her own.  If she was the best person there she would have been the first to introduce herself, speak kindly, make you feel welcome and appreciated.  This lady is far from behaving as the "best" of anything.
She may have been trying to con you or just not behaving well at all, for whatever reason.  This is what we must decide when meeting someone who acts like this for the first time.

CG: "And I find other people are usually okay with being asked to explain a misunderstanding. If I can catch myself quickly, with the first few blocks in my hand, and do it simply and calmly, ask questions to real people in the real worl, not imaginery ddemons in my head, and leave out all innuendo and suspicion. I find things are never as bad as I thought/imagined. And even if it is a bully I come against. That usaully sorts them out quick smart too, and they move along to easier pickings."
 
This is the type of thinking that calms us and and brings us back to reality.   Getting a grip at the beginning of such an episode is the most effective thing we can do for ourselves.  "Don't panic" stops us from diving into that pool of fear, helps us to ask, rather than react with fear caused by thinking habits, old learned reactions, assumptions and our pre-programmed mis-perceptions etc.

CG, thankyou for posting that mega post.  Mine is long too.  Hope it was worth reading. Your description is such a good example of the mixed
up thinking and feelings generated by our abusive upbringing and how to put up the stop sign.
You said it:

"If I catch myself quickly".  That's the key isn't it?

In regards to posting, CG wrote:  "Too many thoughts battling for supremacy, bullying each other for front place in the queue of thoughts in my mind. "Pick me Pick me", the're jostling and pushing each other"

This happens in my infrequent paranoid thinking (not just in my trying to decide what to post).  If I am able to develop the "stop" signs early, in such  situations, I will more than likely discover my errors in thinking and direct my thinking and reactions in ways that will be a benefit to the situation, rather than allow me to regress into old patterns.

It is possible to learn to catch ourselves quickly, put up a stop sign and react more effectively.
Thank you for explaining it so well CG.

CG, I think I know what you mean when you say you are a child of a xxxxxxxx victim. Inside CG, you are a good, kind, caring person who has a soul of gold.
What matters most in a person is not where we came from but where we go.
((((((((((((((CG)))))))))))))

Somebody:
This is just nice:

www.positivethoughts.com/p27.htm

Enjoy today all!

Somebody:
www.drjoecarver.com

Per Dr. J---more on paranoia--
For information sake: How to know when the problem is getting too big.
(In case there are people coming to this site who are still living with an n
person/in an n-environment).

"Moderately high Dopamine levels make us on-guard, suspicious, and prone to misinterpret experiences in the environment. Known as an “idea of reference” in psychiatry, we begin thinking unrelated experiences are suddenly directly related to us. People observed talking across the street are now talking about us. As Dopamine increases, it can become so intense that we feel the radio, television, and newspaper contain secret messages directed at us from Hollywood or elsewhere. It’s as though we are attempting to incorporate/add everything we witness into our
life. Planes flying overhead are snapping pictures of us and motorists talking on cellular phones are calling in a report on us. Our mind speed increases and races in an attempt to add all we see into our life. In an attempt to make sense, we may become extremely religious, paranoid, or feel we are a very important person.

Increased Dopamine also increases the perception of our senses, as though turning up the volume in all our senses – hearing, vision, taste, smell, and touch. As Dopamine levels increase, the noises we heard loudly suddenly become auditory hallucinations. Our inner thoughts are now being heard outside our body. These  “voices” begin talking to us, known to take different forms such as derogatory (putting you down), religious topics, command (telling you to do something), or sexual
 content. Hallucinations (experiencing something that is not truly there in reality) will soon develop in all our senses. We may begin seeing faces in clouds, carpets, or patterns. We may sense the touch of spirits or movements inside our body. We may experience unusual smells or tastes.

High levels of Dopamine in the brain often cause us to lose our contact with reality. As though living in a science-fiction movie, we begin to develop unusual if not bizarre ideas about what is happening to us. With our paranoia, we may experience delusions (false beliefs) of persecution or may think we have super powers (delusions of grandiosity) and can predict the future or read minds. High levels of Dopamine are found in
Schizophrenia, drug intoxication, and other psychotic conditions where the ability to distinguish the inner world from the real world is impaired."

Treatment:

"Mildly elevations in Dopamine are associated with addictions such as narcotics, speed, and nicotine/smoking. Thus, medications used in the treatment of addictions actually block or lower Dopamine production. If a medication blocks dopamine, it also blocks the effects of the addicted substance as well as blocking the craving sensation. The medication to help smokers, Zyban, is actually the antidepressant Wellbutrin that
is known to block Dopamine.

Moderate to high levels of Dopamine, associated with severe psychiatric conditions such as Paranoia and Schizophrenia, are treated with medications that block or lower Dopamine in the brain. These medications, called antipsychotics, have been available for many years. Early antipsychotic medications however, lowered Dopamine through
ut the brain, including the Dopamine located in the motor/movement areas. For that reason, older antipsychotic medications produced motor/movement problems that looked like Parkinson’s Disease – short-step gait, fixed facial expression, tremors, poor balance, etc. Newer medications have fewer side effects in motor areas, as they are able to specifically target one type of Dopamine.

Dopamine levels typically change very slowly. Patients who develop Paranoia and/or Schizophrenia often experience a gradual increase in Dopamine levels over several years – also experiencing an increase in the severity of symptoms over those years. A typical high school or college student may develop a sense of being on-edge or unusual feelings, gradually becoming suspicious and feeling alienated, moving into
auditory hallucinations, and finally developing bizarre false beliefs  delusions) of persecution or exaggerated self-importance over the next several years. Stress can often rapidly increase Dopamine, but it still rarely happens overnight.

When an individual becomes psychotic, paranoid, and hallucinates in only a few days, we must strongly suspect medication/drug intoxication or neurological events – something that could increase Dopamine levels dramatically and almost instantly. The prolonged use of amphetamines (speed) or steroids can produce a loss of reality and sudden paranoia. As it might happen, a construction worker taking “street” speed to increase his work productivity finds his hand or foot talking to him (auditory
hallucinations) and decides to cut it off. The sudden presence of psychosis (hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, etc.) in an individual with a history of prior normal adjustment would suggest the need for intensive medical and neurological workup."

Note:  "prior normal adjustment" suggests we all may experience moderate bouts at some time in our lives and normally adjust back to a more normal state.  When a person finds paranoia accelerating, and especially feeling out of control, or losing our grip on reality, it's time to see a doc.

Living with an n slash etc type person for so many years, during her adult
life, caused my mother to become psychotic and her dopamine levels can
easily be estimated.

Dr. JC's articles on "chemical imbalance" are very informative and to my recollection--accurate.  He explains in easy to understand lay terms.  Definately worth the read.

His description of GABA makes me think the narcissist is greatly lacking it!!

Endorphins are my favorite substances which are also released into the blood when we laugh-thus a reason to be addicted to it.

He lists a rule about thoughts: "Rule: Thoughts change brain chemistry." and he states:  "Positive thinking works".

Thankyou, Bunny, for directing us to his site for information.

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