Hey Lighter - saw your hello on the hello thread (didn't want to hijack changing's thread so am saying hi here .... )
I am doing ok these days. Have been pretty busy, so haven’t been able to keep up with reading let alone posting.
Thanks for responding re: my kitty – she is doing remarkably well for her age and condition, and I am cherishing every moment we have.
BTW – no new kitties, we are overwhelmed with animals.
Inside: 3 cats (2 kitties rescued from the shelter last year plus my older cat), 2 rodents (cute as anything, like little squirrels they climb all over us), 50 gallon aquarium….. fish, snails, shrimp…. (speakin of poo - between the litter boxes, cage - those rodents are lovely little critters - they throw their poo through the bars, and the slimey aquarium filters, we are up to our eyeballs in poo .....)
Outside (and sometimes inside
): frogs, snakes, turtles, tons of birds (eagles, hawks, swans, ducks, geese, song birds, owls….), deer, groundhogs, bunnies, raccoons, foxes (ever hear a fox scream at night? Pretty scary - thought we had a sasquatch out back 'till I found out what it was....)
I have a large body of water behind my house and I never realized the amount of wildlife that came with water (including a house covered in spider webs and very, very large spiders [yuck – my H tries to tell me that they are our friends because they eat the bugs, but I tell him that they can go be friends with the neighbors – don’t like spiders at all!]).
I have been thinking about you and hope that you are doing ok. You mentioned awhile back about stoicism, and how sometimes it doesn’t help. Been thinking about your words.
When I lived with my FOO, my emotional wellbeing depended upon being stoic. If I let anyone in my FOO see a glimpse of pain, hurt, weakness….. it was like bleeding in a tank of great whites – the feeding frenzy would start.
I find it very difficult (still) to break that habit – it is one of those survival tools that I had to set in stone – never, ever let any weakness, pain, etc. show. I have also seen how it can backfire. Early on in our relationship, my H (then boyfriend) said to me, “You don’t need me for anything do you?” I was so totally self-sufficient, financially, emotionally (never leaning, never asking for help…).
He felt ….…. unnecessary/not needed in our relationship. What a horrible feeling to have caused him. I will never forget those words. My stoicism was actually causing him discomfort. I let the walls down for him. In 3-D, I still chose carefully who and in what situations I do that. In his case, it was one of the best decisions I ever made – for both of us.
Stoicism can help us survive certain situations, but in some cases, it can also harm – not only ourselves, but those we care for.
And I know you know this : )
Take care,
Peace
PS - INFP - I can see that. Another INTJ here.
