Author Topic: Toilets and more OT stuff  (Read 6705 times)

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Snakes
« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2008, 08:37:42 PM »
I've got this toilet in the master bedroom and the part where the hose connects (the plastic part) has broken.  Can a replacement part be bought and what tools do I need to fix it?  My other toilet also leaks and I'm thinking that it might be a gasket but I'm not so sure. Oh wait, is this place not for this kind of advice?

darren

You are a little far from home aren't you? Someone give you the wrong directions?

Nevertheless, I'm sure if someone here can help you, they will,  but I sense that your equipment is outdated and might also be dysfunctional if a woman is involved and feeding it the wrong 'information' (you know what I mean so as I don't have to put it in print)
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

finding peace

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2008, 09:19:56 AM »
Hi tt,

When you questioned this, I did a search on stoicism to make sure I wasn’t misusing the word here.  Search results were very interesting given the roots of stoicism and how it is defined today.  (Thanks for asking – learned a good bit there!). 

One of the current definitions I found:  One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain.

With this definition in mind, yes - I meant that I would cover (or suppress/not allow them to see) emotional reactions – if I showed hurt – they knew what hurt me, and would do it again.  If I showed joy – they would do or say something to try and take it away. 

I can’t say I was truly stoic – I still felt it, but I didn’t dare show it; so maybe superficially stoic?

Just thought of another way being stoic can have an adverse outcome.  When one appears strong/stoic and another appears weak/helpless and there is a flare up between the two …. many (not all by any means) are prone to sympathize with the one who appears weak/helpless (even if it is against all rational thought) – this happened a lot with my mother and me.  By appearing strong, some went after me to defend the one they perceived as “helpless” rather than look logically or rationally at the situation and truly see what was going on – used to drive me crazy (ha – so much for stoicism).   

I suppose it is human nature though to protect those perceived as weak. 

My thoughts are with you and your niece.  I hope that she too learns that some people are safe enough to let those walls down (if this is the underlying reason for her stoicism); stoicism may feel safer, but IME, it can also harm, and it is a very lonely place to exist. 

Peace

PS - Lighter, you did it again – summed up my looooong paragraphs in a single sentence – you have a way of seeing to the heart of the matter and summarizing, simply and beautifully - how do you do that!!! 

I am sorry to hear of the accident, when it rains it pours.  I hope you are all ok?  You are such a good mother, I am sure you have thought of this, but can you somehow make an adventure out of living at your new residence for the little one?   Sending extra hugs your way.
- Life is a journey not a destination

lighter

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2008, 10:50:10 AM »
FP... it is easy to be mean to strong people, isn't it? 

A friend said that to me, 25 years ago.

Very human to want to protect those who appear helpless or weak.

Wolves in sheep's clothing.....

how frustrating, in all the variouse situations we encounter it.


Lighter

darren

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Re: Snakes
« Reply #18 on: June 06, 2008, 02:20:58 PM »
I've got this toilet in the master bedroom and the part where the hose connects (the plastic part) has broken.  Can a replacement part be bought and what tools do I need to fix it?  My other toilet also leaks and I'm thinking that it might be a gasket but I'm not so sure. Oh wait, is this place not for this kind of advice?

darren

You are a little far from home aren't you? Someone give you the wrong directions?

Nevertheless, I'm sure if someone here can help you, they will,  but I sense that your equipment is outdated and might also be dysfunctional if a woman is involved and feeding it the wrong 'information' (you know what I mean so as I don't have to put it in print)


Yes, I'm always a bit lost.  It actually took me a bit to get that without the proper words, but I have now figured it out.   Hehe...

lighter

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #19 on: June 06, 2008, 02:54:03 PM »

 Hehe...
[/quote]




Hey, darren....

you can't be the VP of the BC (Beautification Committee.....)
 
and laugh. :shock:



Lighter

« Last Edit: June 06, 2008, 02:58:57 PM by lighter »

sKePTiKal

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #20 on: June 06, 2008, 03:02:51 PM »
Lighter - is your little one OK now? Still missing the old house?
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2008, 03:46:35 PM »
She's never going to be OK but.... she's just little and becomes distracted with her life.


Just a sometimes crisis and we drove by the old house yesterday, which was the trigger, there.

Going to bed sometimes seems to bring sadness and wishes for our old routines...... the lost comfort of home.

They're playing with their Pet Shop dolls and building cities at the moment.

All smiles and happiness. 

Lighter



« Last Edit: June 06, 2008, 03:52:52 PM by lighter »

sKePTiKal

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #22 on: June 06, 2008, 04:08:32 PM »
Ah. "New home" is hard for all of us, I think. I don't think anyone ever outgrows that.

Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #23 on: June 06, 2008, 04:48:47 PM »
My little ones have lost so many things..... all at once.

HOME is one that keeps tugging on their hearts. 

I don't think it'll go away anytime soon.

Lighter

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #24 on: June 06, 2008, 05:39:00 PM »
Hi darren,

Sorry in advance - another long one.  I am sure Lighter will come along and sum it up in another one-liner  ( :P to Lighter)

I can’t help with the drips - I flunked plumbing 101 – my expertise is limited to …. if it defies the laws of gravity, time to call a plumber or my H : )

(Think I’ll leave the snakes to Lighter – love ya, Light, but I am not going there)

Darren, you asked:  “Oh wait, is this place not for this kind of advice?”

I am not sure why you are asking this?  Not sure how it was asked, ie, tone?

IMO, I like to think that this place is for any kind of advice; a place to find our voices in any way shape or form that may manifest, within reason.

Sometimes, at least for me, when life is at its most difficult or stressful, I NEED to step back and focus on the everyday minutiae or step back and find laughter – it helps to ground me in the here and now when I am currently swamped in a stressful situation that I can’t control, or memories of the past have me spinning with PTSD, or at times when I am depressed. 

I never really learned to stop and smell the flowers as a child – my life has been one of constant anxiety, and I mean constant.  In my home growing up – I was always, always on guard; had to be to dodge the fists.  I had to be a step ahead, anticipate, anticipate, anticipate….it became so ingrained, that to this day I still have trouble relaxing (and don’t know if I ever will be able to totally relax – is there such a thing?).  For me, these “OT” posts are a learning lesson – it balances so much in me – from these posts, I have learned to live in the moment; a gift that I have no words to express how grateful I am for. It is especially important to me as I have small children, and can’t afford to get caught in the past for them.

Given that this is a very diverse group of people in different stages of realization, working through, and healing, I have found I can’t expect everyone here to relate to what I need at any given moment nor can I expect them to post a certain way, and in fact, for me to expect that is unrealistic. That being said, there was a time when I did indeed expect that here and I was so very wrong.  A bit of an Nspot in me - ouch!  Please know that I am not saying that this is where you are, just my view in response to what “should or shouldn’t” be written here.

I don’t know, I may be wrong, but it strikes me that to try and dictate what people say or to expect them to behave a certain way here … seems to me that that would be like trying to control another’s voice – or another way to render them voiceless?

Just like I am learning to find my voice – I am also learning that it is not my place to dictate to others how or what they should write – I can only control me, therefore, it is up to me to choose what to read and what to allow in.  There is peace in that.  My choice.  As towrite says … keeping the zipper on the inside.

When I write these days, I write hoping that some will understand, but by no means with the expectation that everyone understand.  This is going to sound crude, and I apologize in advance – but how many people can relate to having a father crawl in bed with them as a child?  Not many I suspect.  If I expect everyone to understand where I am coming from, I am bound for disappointment on top of sometimes overwhelming pain.  Don’t need more pain, you know?  On the other hand, for those in a partner/relationship with an N – I don’t have a clue as to the depth of the pain and betrayal they feel have felt, and I feel inadequate to help in those situations.

I do try to be careful with my words, but I am not always successful.  As this is a group, what I may say to one person, may inadvertently hurt another.  I have found it impossible to balance everyone here into the equation when I write something.  Sometimes that trips me up and I don’t post for fear in trying to help one person, I will hurt another.

You wrote a poem not too long ago (I hope it is ok that I copied it here)….

Rain falls
And dark clouds fill the sky
Foggy boggy soupy weather makes me wail and moan and sigh
Slipping into darkness and the eriee dreary fog
Who could make their mind think clearly
When they're in this mental bog
I do not where I would be without the friends who help me see
That one day the sun will pierce the shadows
And its light will come to me

Thank you for sharing this – it is beautiful.  To me, that is what this place is – in all its wonderful diversity.  Friends here have shown me how to step back and remember where I am here and now (and no longer in the hell hole of my childhood) - they have helped me find the light that pierces my particular brand of darkness; a wonderful gift that I am so very grateful for. 

Peace
- Life is a journey not a destination

lighter

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #25 on: June 06, 2008, 07:16:36 PM »
::wiping eyes::

(((FP)))

Hopalong

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #26 on: June 06, 2008, 07:23:01 PM »
Peace

thank you

I agree wholeheartedly about not trying to control others' voices...how gracefully you put it.

I hope you enjoy a beautiful weekend with all the creatures around you.

(Now I want a pygmy goat.)

love,
Hops
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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #27 on: June 06, 2008, 09:52:19 PM »
That was absolutely beautiful, Peace.

No doubt we've all had enough dictators in our lives.

Thank you for sharing your voice with us here.

Love,
Carolyn

finding peace

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #28 on: June 09, 2008, 09:21:12 PM »
Thank you Lighter, Hops, and Carolyn - you and many more here who have helped me so much.

(((((  ))))))

Love,
Peace
- Life is a journey not a destination

lighter

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Re: Toilets and more OT stuff
« Reply #29 on: June 09, 2008, 10:31:39 PM »
FP.... YVW. 

Lighter