Hi darren,
Sorry in advance - another long one. I am sure Lighter will come along and sum it up in another one-liner (
to Lighter)
I can’t help with the drips - I flunked plumbing 101 – my expertise is limited to …. if it defies the laws of gravity, time to call a plumber or my H : )
(Think I’ll leave the snakes to Lighter – love ya, Light, but I am not going there)
Darren, you asked: “Oh wait, is this place not for this kind of advice?”
I am not sure why you are asking this? Not sure how it was asked, ie, tone?
IMO, I like to think that this place is for any kind of advice; a place to find our voices in any way shape or form that may manifest, within reason.
Sometimes, at least for me, when life is at its most difficult or stressful, I NEED to step back and focus on the everyday minutiae or step back and find laughter – it helps to ground me in the here and now when I am currently swamped in a stressful situation that I can’t control, or memories of the past have me spinning with PTSD, or at times when I am depressed.
I never really learned to stop and smell the flowers as a child – my life has been one of constant anxiety, and I mean constant. In my home growing up – I was always, always on guard; had to be to dodge the fists. I had to be a step ahead, anticipate, anticipate, anticipate….it became so ingrained, that to this day I still have trouble relaxing (and don’t know if I ever will be able to totally relax – is there such a thing?). For me, these “OT” posts are a learning lesson – it balances so much in me – from these posts, I have learned to live in the moment; a gift that I have no words to express how grateful I am for. It is especially important to me as I have small children, and can’t afford to get caught in the past for them.
Given that this is a very diverse group of people in different stages of realization, working through, and healing, I have found I can’t expect everyone here to relate to what I need at any given moment nor can I expect them to post a certain way, and in fact, for me to expect that is unrealistic. That being said, there was a time when I did indeed expect that here and I was so very wrong. A bit of an Nspot in me - ouch! Please know that I am not saying that this is where you are, just my view in response to what “should or shouldn’t” be written here.
I don’t know, I may be wrong, but it strikes me that to try and dictate what people say or to expect them to behave a certain way here … seems to me that that would be like trying to control another’s voice – or another way to render them voiceless?
Just like I am learning to find my voice – I am also learning that it is not my place to dictate to others how or what they should write – I can only control me, therefore, it is up to me to choose what to read and what to allow in. There is peace in that. My choice. As towrite says … keeping the zipper on the inside.
When I write these days, I write hoping that some will understand, but by no means with the expectation that everyone understand. This is going to sound crude, and I apologize in advance – but how many people can relate to having a father crawl in bed with them as a child? Not many I suspect. If I expect everyone to understand where I am coming from, I am bound for disappointment on top of sometimes overwhelming pain. Don’t need more pain, you know? On the other hand, for those in a partner/relationship with an N – I don’t have a clue as to the depth of the pain and betrayal they feel have felt, and I feel inadequate to help in those situations.
I do try to be careful with my words, but I am not always successful. As this is a group, what I may say to one person, may inadvertently hurt another. I have found it impossible to balance everyone here into the equation when I write something. Sometimes that trips me up and I don’t post for fear in trying to help one person, I will hurt another.
You wrote a poem not too long ago (I hope it is ok that I copied it here)….
Rain falls
And dark clouds fill the sky
Foggy boggy soupy weather makes me wail and moan and sigh
Slipping into darkness and the eriee dreary fog
Who could make their mind think clearly
When they're in this mental bog
I do not where I would be without the friends who help me see
That one day the sun will pierce the shadows
And its light will come to me
Thank you for sharing this – it is beautiful. To me, that is what this place is – in all its wonderful diversity. Friends here have shown me how to step back and remember where I am here and now (and no longer in the hell hole of my childhood) - they have helped me find the light that pierces my particular brand of darkness; a wonderful gift that I am so very grateful for.
Peace
