While just doing some research on self-image repair, healing from a life time of my N mom's definition of who I am, trying to get to the bottom of why I am seeking to undo what others project on to me and why it bothers me so much, I came across an article on the self-defined victim -- which I will post on another thread because I am NOT a self-defined victim. However, I found the article helpful.
My hope is that I will not be so reactive because of others projection.
I am not a self defined victim...that much is clear in that I am not hiding my victim anger...I'm not pretending with tears and pain...I am just defending my truth.
What I am defending the most these days is my image...not what I think others see, because I could care less....obviously, but more my own self-image of who I am, am I really a good person? Am I really a caring person?
For instance I know who I am when I hear sad news of others...my heart hurts and I want to help, that is my gut first reaction. When I hear of something happy and successful happening for others my first gut reaction is one of joy. If someone invites me to a wedding or event to celebrate I accept with joy...I am usually the first to arrive and the last to leave.
When I saw this about myself I see growth, I see a genuine caring and loving person who still has shame and anger issues and simply just does not want to have others define her.
What story I have to give up, or mourn, is the story/wish to rewrite the story of being defined by my nmom, being told who I was by my Nmom.
I've got to give up the anger.
I am still learning who I am and the best teacher is me.
