Thank you, Bunny - I appreciate your comments - you're right about both my parents, and sometimes I need to hear it summed up like that!
And Thank you, Les. I had a therapist a few years ago when all this NMabuse surfaced and needed to be acknowledged. It was rough for a year or so. I have never stopped reading about the subject, and I have been reading self-help books all my life (thinking that there must be something terribly wrong with me, and always looking for answers - not realizing that it was my nM's messages that were the lies, and she was the sick one, in fact).
And I wouldn't have had this huge back-slide if dad hadn't been so sick the past few months. I had a few good boundaries built up, but most of them came crashing down because of circumstances. I reverted to 'caring' about them, and became vulnerable, inadvertantly. Then Dad died, and she acted helpless, etc etc etc.... I fell back into her Web. Dad was the strong silent type, never acknowledged a problem. He'd just lose his temper from time to time.
Since discovering this group, I have made huge strides back to strength again. And I have been away from our home so much in the past few months, that I have taken this week as a 'break' at home - puttering around, getting grounded, and it feels good to put my roots down, again. This is my mini-retreat, safe here at home - one week : Tues to Tues is my plan! So far, so good! And you helped so much by reminding me how important it is to take care of my health. I kept repeating that sentence to myself whenever I felt guilty. I can't let my immune system get too run down, bc I'll be damned if that Old Bat is going to make me sick, ever again! Yes, our health is of utmost importance. We have put the needs of our nM first for much too long. I never learned how to do otherwise, really, but am trying to learn that now. I learned to never be prettier, smarter, thinner, etc etc than her.... so it is foreign to me to put myself first. My H is a huge support, thank goodness - and patient! Whew!!!
About your daughters - just keep an eye on them. You know what to look for, so keep your radar tuned for anything that might be a clue that your nm has been inappropriate with them. Hopefully, and what a terrible thing to say, but hopefully you were her only victim.
And yes, I'll look into covert incest. My therapist said my experience was like being raped over and over and over again.
It breaks my heart to learn of other people who have suffered at the hands of their nmothers. Somehow I could accept that I must have deserved it, but when I learn of the abuse that has gone on behind closed doors, it breaks my heart.
Didn't mean to go on like this. Yes, our dilemma is that we must see the evil one through to the end of her days, knowing the truth of our relationships, but tending to their needs, nonetheless. I now think of the show 'Survivor'. I intend to be the last one standing, no matter what I have to do! There will be good days and bad days, but we'll make it!!!
