Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Outing the Narcissistic/Emotionally incesting Parent

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enough:
oh! so she got the answering machine and didn't leave a message. thank goodness for caller I.D.

enough:
wow, an update:

my brother emailed and said that i NEED to call my parents and "make peace".

my mom emailed and finally responded to my letters.

she said that by bringing up the past, i was acting like a teenager who didn't get her own way.  she told me to grow up.

in response to my telling my parents that it isn't just past stuff; that it is all still happening to this day, she told me that i need to 'get help'.

she gave me the old, "raising 3 kids is hard!  your father worked and worked for you!  i bet you know a lot of people whose parents disowned them because they are gay" (i'm bisexual)...."we didn't disown you!  grow up!"

UGH.

JanetLG:
Enough,

Thanks for the update.

Unfortunately, what has happened is not unusual at all. An 'obediant relative' is often sent with a message to get the 'bad one' to 'change back'.

This idea that you are being childish, etc, is so typical, but still wrong. I hope you know that. You are still right in what you are doing, but obviously they would rather you didn't make them face the past, and what they've done to you.

Did you want your parents to respond at all? Or did you just want to tell them exactly how you felt, but not have contact any more? What do you want to happen next? (You don't have to answer these questions here if you don't want to, but it might help to think about them  :)  )

I hope things work out OK.

Janet

enough:
hi janet,
thank you for the supportive words.

well when i wrote my parents the letters, my hope was that we could, as a family, address the issues i brought up.  it took them a month to respond, during which time i had resigned myself to the idea that they were not going to respond (communication and honesty do not sit well with my parents!)  once i accepted their silence, i felt free; for the first time in my life (i'm 37) i felt like an adult.

i have just a couple issues with my mother; its my father who is the MAJOR manipulative control freak (and my brother is turning out exactly like him...) and yet its my mom and brother whom i have heard from; not my dad (my parents are still married and in the same house! its not like he didn't see the letters i wrote!)

reallyME:
I was just thinking about something one of your posts said about reporting the abuser and having nothing done and even returning the child back to the abuser.

The person I reported, apparently is going without being dealt with and supposedly the abuse victim is doing fine, although I heard otherwise from the graphic descriptions of blood and bruises on the child's body. 

It is just disheartening to me, how, when people report abuse, the abusers are given a slap on the hand, are able to dupe the police and/or judge, and, most likely the child "gets it" even worse after the fact, which, of course, puts the blame for reporting it, back onto the one who dared to take action.

Sorry, but this sux as far as I'm concerned.  Stepping out and reporting abuse has cost me many things...friendships, dignity, trust, etc...but I can tell you, I will report every instance of it, for the rest of my living days!

~Laura

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