Author Topic: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...  (Read 4388 times)

ann3

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2008, 07:03:27 PM »
Dear Gabben,

I see you mentioned me in one of your posts, so I want to tell you this:

I truly wish you healing, peace of mind and love, just as I wish these things for myself.

with love,
ann

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2008, 07:05:04 PM »
Thanks Ann3,

You are an example of turning the other cheek, in a way that I am not good at.........yet.

Peace to you.

Lise

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #17 on: June 13, 2008, 07:06:34 PM »
Dear Ann3,

Do you have a story on the board?

Perhaps I have missed your introduction and what initially brought you to the board?

Lise

ann3

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #18 on: June 13, 2008, 07:10:34 PM »
Lise,

Yes, some where on the board, I gave my story.  You can 'google' it.

I was hoping for a "right back at 'cha" from you.  Oh, well.

ann

lighter

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #19 on: June 13, 2008, 07:12:42 PM »
YVW, Gabbin.

We all fall back... then we begin moving forward again.

Helping each other learn from our struggles... is what this board's about.

I'm climbing out of a very bad emotional spot, myself.

The worst thing I can do is beat myself up...

and I KNOW that.

Yet, I can't always manage.

Be gentle to yourself.... the board's here for you.

(((Gabbin)))

lighter








I see you understand lighter, thanks -- I feel as though I have fallen about 20 years back.



Certain Hope

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #20 on: June 13, 2008, 07:13:58 PM »
 :)

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #21 on: June 13, 2008, 07:38:03 PM »
Lise,

Yes, some where on the board, I gave my story.  You can 'google' it.

I was hoping for a "right back at 'cha" from you.  Oh, well.

ann

Dear Ann3,

My post was a compliment to you....wishing you healing and peace as well.

Lise

Izzy_*now*

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #22 on: June 13, 2008, 07:39:20 PM »
hi Gabben

Please pardon my ignorance, but was this posted to someone in particular, or the whole board.

I just got up from a sleep and maybe that's why reading this confused me more and more with each response.

Are you all right? Now?

Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #23 on: June 13, 2008, 07:42:21 PM »
Hi Izzy,

Sorry for the confusion. It is for the board to read, but not directed to hurt anyone in particular, or to stir confusion; in other words I am just expressing my pain.

Thanks for your concern, no need to worry.

I have no hard feelings towards you.

Lise

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #24 on: June 13, 2008, 07:45:04 PM »
I'm climbing out of a very bad emotional spot, myself.

The worst thing I can do is beat myself up...

and I KNOW that.

Yet, I can't always manage.

Be gentle to yourself.... the board's here for you.

(((Gabbin)))

lighter








I see you understand lighter, thanks -- I feel as though I have fallen about 20 years back.




Thanks Lighter... :D

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #25 on: June 13, 2008, 07:48:43 PM »
Lise,

At the risk of becoming "one of them" in your eyes, I have to repeat:

It is not everybody.

All people are not reacting to you this way or relating to you on that basis.

I'm not... and I've seen others offer you a hand and gentle support.

I think and feel that you are getting caught up in broad generalizations.

And I'm not just taking a rational approach, either, because I feel it, too.

I've been the target of the same sort of nonsense, and I've felt some of the same stuff you've expressed, just it doesn't come out of me the same.

I'm sorry that you are hurting so.

I just don't know how much validation might ever be enough?



Thanks Carolyn,

I think that you are correct, it is board generalizations for me.

All that I am expressing here is not for you or for anyone. I am just expressing it out of me.

After I put this post up a huge mass of pain just came out of me along with the memories of my mom's invalidation through verbal abuse.

It was a relief.

This is not me being critical...just getting it out so that I can see reality better so that I am not getting caught up in board generalizations as you say, which I agree with.

Peace....just hurting here...nothing more nothing less.

I'll be OK.

Lise

Hopalong

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #26 on: June 13, 2008, 08:37:51 PM »
I'm sorry you're hurting, Lise.
I'm sorry you have that voice in your head.

It sounds agonizing and exhausting to go through.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Certain Hope

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #27 on: June 13, 2008, 08:50:33 PM »


Thanks Carolyn,

I think that you are correct, it is board generalizations for me.

All that I am expressing here is not for you or for anyone. I am just expressing it out of me.

After I put this post up a huge mass of pain just came out of me along with the memories of my mom's invalidation through verbal abuse.

It was a relief.

This is not me being critical...just getting it out so that I can see reality better so that I am not getting caught up in board generalizations as you say, which I agree with.

Peace....just hurting here...nothing more nothing less.

I'll be OK.

Lise

Lise, I don't know whether or not this may help... but because I trust you enough as a friend to believe that you will be willing to hear me, I'd like to try.

Now I don't know whether or not this applies a bit to hurt and suffering...

but I've read about anger - like the techniques where people are told to go punch pillows or whatever to let it out - that there is indeed some immediate relief, but...

in practicing the release of that anger/tension/frustration, it can actually open a doorway to a habit of needing that release.

In other words, what I'm trying to say is - -

is it in any way possible that a pattern can be established in this? So that, instead of relieving the pain and hurt, letting it out this way actually encourages it to build up even more so that it seems to require more and more releases?

I don't know!!

Just asking what you think.

Love,
Carolyn

Gabben

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #28 on: June 13, 2008, 09:06:24 PM »
Dear Carolyn,

Yes, I too have heard that about anger. For me, the pain is not anger, it is pain and tears under the anger.

The anger is just the defense against the pain. Once I can get past the anger and shame I feel for feeling angry, I experience the deep hurt in my heart. This hurt is the healing pain which softens the critical voice, and quiets the shaming voice allowing for a true release of suffering that quiets my  angry spirit.

What I am trying to say is that I need to hurt, mourn, suffer the loss (let the tears flow)...which is pain. My anger is the first response, a defense...which then leads to the old hurt and the tears.

There is no need to be angry in life when others insult us - I can chose how to respond - I am just not there...... yet! :D

We are supposed to take insults with quietness. But when my heart is still full of a lifetime defense of self-blame and victim anger it takes time to loosen that stuff up to get to the pain underneath -- that has been my healing path for the last many months.

Anger is the one emotion that others really retreat from and really have the hardest time dealing with it - I understand.

Anger and shame go hand in hand because as children, when we are being violated, our natural response is anger. But our caregivers will rarely allow for the expression of anger because it threatens them. The shame of our caregivers towards our anger stifles our voice, we have to stuff our anger along with the pain.

Some of us have more anger due to more victimization.

I hope this clarifies...it is not the anger that I am releasing...it is the raw hurt under the anger, does that make sense?

Just writing this out to you was a help for me.

Good question, thank you.

Lise
« Last Edit: June 13, 2008, 09:27:33 PM by Gabben »

debkor

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Re: slapping labels on others...shame on ME...
« Reply #29 on: June 13, 2008, 09:11:29 PM »
Oh Lise,

I am sorry that you are hurting so bad.  Steps backwards is something I do myself from time to time. I just stepped back to years ago.  It does not define me either but still feels yuky sometimes.

And you were wronged. Your stories your experiences as well as the others help me stick up for my friends children who have little voices.

Love
Deb