Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?
Subtle types of covert abuse.
SilverLining:
--- Quote from: Certain Hope on June 17, 2008, 01:37:55 PM --- Oh, keep up the good work! You can call every Sunday if you want... or pick a day... be sure to do that, okay?" Not a word by phone since. They still send their weekly notes, though.
--- End quote ---
Isn't it amazing how the threat of an ongoing dialogue sends them scurrying back to the writing desk? A weekly call would be an obligation, and he might actually have to remember a few of the things you say. Writing lets them control the interaction and exaggerates the importance of their statements.
I was able to pretty much shut off the letter flow from my father by threatening to make it more of a dialogue. When I started replying in kind, he quickly stopped writing. He just wants to make decrees, not engage in anything resembling reciprocal interaction.
Certain Hope:
--- Quote from: SilverLining on June 18, 2008, 12:13:48 PM ---
--- Quote from: Certain Hope on June 17, 2008, 01:37:55 PM --- Oh, keep up the good work! You can call every Sunday if you want... or pick a day... be sure to do that, okay?" Not a word by phone since. They still send their weekly notes, though.
--- End quote ---
Isn't it amazing how the threat of an ongoing dialogue sends them scurrying back to the writing desk? A weekly call would be an obligation, and he might actually have to remember a few of the things you say. Writing lets them control the interaction and exaggerates the importance of their statements.
I was able to pretty much shut off the letter flow from my father by threatening to make it more of a dialogue. When I started replying in kind, he quickly stopped writing. He just wants to make decrees, not engage in anything resembling reciprocal interaction.
--- End quote ---
Yes.
And more..
a big part of his thrill with the whole written communication seems to be his sharing with me many of my mother's latest ridiculous activities/oddities... mocking her. In writing, he purges himself of all this gunk so then he can go back and put on the good guy routine to those immediately around him, while I'm left covered in the slime of it all (not to mention all the memories).
Feels like they both use me to adjust their reality and re-write their history... and I refuse to play along.
If only... they'd be real. But then again... I guess they are. Like it's said - when somebody shows you who and what they are... believe them!
Isn't that something how another voice so quickly shuts them down?
I know it still hurts, tjr... even once you're able to lighten up a bit about it... it still re-opens a wound.
At best, it's like picking a scab... and although that's a nasty analogy, I really think it fits.
And I don't want to do it anymore!
Good to hear from you again.
Carolyn
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[*] Previous page
Go to full version