Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Shaking as I write this....

<< < (3/4) > >>

OnlyMe:
My heart aches for you -
Huge Hugs.

Ditto to all the things the others have said.
And I'll let you know what I have just learned, in hopes that it might help you on Monday.
My dad died in June, and I am left with my 85yr old NMom.
I had to go and spend a few days with her (duty) and had just discovered this board a week ago, and was able to shore up some strength from all of us who have suffered.

One of the biggest things I learned was that the NParent feeds on any reaction to their antics and abuse.  ANY REACTION, whether Positive or Negative!  They THRIVE on our reactions.  Every other time I have been with my nM, I inevitably would end up screaming at her, and crying, just out of sheer frustration - and she loved it, would end up the poor victim and I would end up wanting to kill myself.
I just got home last night, and here is some Good News :  When I felt like I was going to tear out her eyes, I stopped myself, took a deep breath and put on my fake smile and fake sweet voice and distracted her with some trivial thing like a broken fingernail.  Not Once did I give her the satisfaction of seeing my reaction.  And, guess what?  This is the very first time I have left her house and not cried most of the 3.5 hours home.  She didn't get a chance to Feed Off Me!  She even tried fainting!  Nope, I just fixed her a bite to eat and a cup of tea, said 'there, there, momsy' and I didn't give in to her antics.  She tried lots of them, but thanks to the strength I had from everyone on this board, I didn't crumble.

All this to say:
On Monday, when you have to face Hell on Earth, think of all of us standing tall beside and behind you -
and don't give that crazy old man the satisfaction of seeing Any Negative Reaction - he can't Feed off you, then!
He is a crazy old man.  I have a crazy old woman.  
They are the crazy ones. We are not!  It just feels that way, sometimes.

I took the strength of this Board with me -
please take it with you, okay?  
and we'll be here waiting for you when you get back.

~OnlyMe

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: Anonymous ---There is a special place in Hell for people like your Nfather.
--- End quote ---


i just had to respond to you, because this is something that (in my evil-ness) i have thought so many times...and i know dad will have LOTS of company in that special place, from reading all the posts here about others' experiences with their N's.

i truly believe my dad is already in hell, a hell he worked 84 years to create, but the weird thing is....because he feeds on others' misery, he's not even aware of where he is, or how he got there.  too bad, so sad - my obligation to myself and my family is not to allow myself to be dragged down there with him.

you've all given me incredibly supportive responses, an amazing amount of wisdom, and most importantly to me, the feeling of not being alone, and being understood and heard.  thank you all for listening to my voice, small as it is now....but it's growing louder.

i want to respond to each of you, because you all said things that really resounded with me, but i had a meltdown last night, and pounded my fist on my concrete garage floor til i left a bloodstain on the floor.  hand is swollen up today, so it's hard to type, but i will answer everyone in more detail when i can.  and yes, i know my actions were self-destructive and unhealthy, and didn't solve everything, but there were so many feelings i needed to get out, and i couldn't come up with a healthy way to do it.  think i've learned my lesson.

thank you all, i can feel your support, and i will carry you all with me tomorrow during dad's surgery - it helps so much to know you all empathize, understand, and support.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

bobbie

allusedup:
sorry, took me so long to write the last post, plus phone call from sis to set up details for tomorrow, i got timed out.  the last post was from me, allusedup.

bobbie

Ellie:
Hi bobbie,
Take care of the hand and try to take some time for yuorself in the next few days. Schedule a hair appointment or massage if time and money allows. If you concentrate on ways to pamper yourself, maybe you won't have as much time to concentrate on the things to come.

Take care - our thoughts are with you. :)

Anonymous:
Hi Bobbie:

Sorry to hear of your frustration/anger/crappy feelings built up and the pounding of the floor thing.  I totally understand how upsetting things can be and the need to release those feelings.

A friend of mine told me to do this (description to follow) when feeling really overwhelmed and ready to burst with such feelings.  I have found this to be a good way to get them out and no blood drops/spray/pouring.

1.  Go to a private place, preferably your bedroom and shut the door.
2.  Lie on bed, face down and take a really, really deep breath, hold it to
     a count of 4 and then let it out slowly.
3.  Tense every muscle in your body (tighten the muscles up and hold).
4.  Take another big breath and scream into a pillow for as long
     as you can (often other emotions will come out too.  eg crying.
5.  Then let all of your muscles relax, every one down to your toes.
6.  Take another real deep breath in, hold counting to 4, and let out slow.
7.  Repeat a few times if necessary until you feel better.

Hope this helps a bit.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page