I'm sitting here in a few tears, feeling victimized.
We have a maintanence man at work (am I allowed to use his real name?) with whom I've had a cordial relationship since I was a temp 4 years ago.
We always had a fun relationship, sort of special -- but, I thought, always within the bounds of work. Right before last Christmas a year ago (2006) -- yes, the same time the N pastor thing began -- all of a sudden he started asking me about my dating life. I thought he was just teasing and asking in fun. But then all of a sudden he asked (a few times) how he could get on my "list" (of men). This was a shock to me -- I had no idea he was serious; I hadn't actually been flirting with him, I was just nice to him. In light of our work-friendship, I tactfully but firmly said the list was closed. He might have pressed it one more time, I'm not sure -- but I was firm and let him know "no."
He disappeared from our building and I'm telling you -- I did not see him for like, 3 months. Then he came back, and everything seemed ok.
Over the past few months he's been at it again, but not in such an obvious way. He lingers. When he comes in to tell me something about the building, he loiters over my desk.
This morning he asked if I'd done something to my hair -- which he's asked before.
I don't like where this is heading.
He just came in again with some environmental inspectors, and he was lingering around my area. I kept my attention on my computer and continued to work, didn't acknowledge him more than necessary or engage him in conversation. (Luckily I really had this newsletter to get out under the gun.) I hadn't been saying a word to him for minutes, when he came right over and commented on some plastic toys that are on my desktop.
When he left, I told my friend that I was really getting ticked at him -- but I started writing this post because the anger turned into tears. It's bringing all the N-pastor stuff back -- the trauma, the victimization, etc. But -- some of it is real, toward maintenance man.
I've got to really put my foot down in totally no-nonsense terms and tell him if he doesn't stop, I will be speaking to both my management and his about his behavior. He has been hitting on a lot of women around here, mostly (or maybe all, except for me) the black women. I know of at least two in our company, and we've all seen him "helping" someone from the other building (not our company). We've compared notes!!
The thing is, he also lied to me. He said he'd never been married and lived in a particular town.
He's married, is a grandfather, in fact, and lives in downtown ... city near here. One of our employees who lives there has seen him. That's what really started me off when I found out a few months ago. I really want nothing to do with him.
The thing is, he comes off as nice and a good guy and all that -- and he actually is the only one who ever does anything for us (we have lousy building management). I ... well, it's a tricky thing to talk about men about another man harassing you, although I'm sure I'd get support here. When I told them about the possibility of the N pastor coming to see me, they were great. We had a whole emergency system set up. But part of me is a little afraid that if I say something, they'll start to think I'm the one with the problem.
I'm sure my boss will support me (he's on vacation this week) -- but ... I'm going to try to work it out on my own, document some things and talk to the guy, before I say anything to anyone here. I had told the office manager when he asked me out orginally, so at least she's aware of it. And we women have discussed him among ourselves.
Well, just wanted to vent. Those victimization tears are very real. I've actually been doing so much better this week, really feeling like I can put the N-pastor away in a closet somewhere, behnd me, although I need to continue to work on my contribution to the whole thing, and the spiritual dimension of it.
Agh!! Just needed to write it down. He instills fear in me, because of the pastor thing.
Thanks
