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energy and the moment - good or bad?

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Dawning:
Is there anyone who felt the need, as a child...even now...to get at the truth of the moment?  And if so, how did you do it?  I still feel that the only way I can experience *reality* is in the moment..  I think, in  a way, this is good but it is not if I can't connect with my own energy.  Can anyone relate?

BlueTopaz:
Hi Dawning,

I think I can relate, though I'm not completely sure if it is what you are referring to.

As I child and adolescent, I was always calling out my mother’s “truths” without even realizing that was what I was doing at the time.  I was just being natural, and telling what I saw behind it all.  I was livng the reality of the moment...  The problem was that I hadn’t yet developed the ability to discern when to speak up and how much to say, and  the things I said caused a lot of tension between us.   I honestly didn’t understand why at the time (I do now) because I just thought that everybody thought and expressed core truths, or "realities of the moment".  

As an adult, I can often see the truth of what is going on behind peoples words, thoughts, behaviors, and I have had to decide whether to respond to the true energy/messages I get, or the “façade” of the way the world works communicatively, behaviorally, emotionally…  

I understand the masks now, but when I was younger I actually literally had trouble communicating with people because what they were saying did not match “the truth” or the energy I felt behind it, and I did not know how to handle the mixed messages.  I thought something was mentally wrong with me.   Now I know it is just a natural perceptive ability.

Knowing makes things better in many ways, but I still can get frustrated at not operating at the levels of the reality of the moment.  

Again, it sounded like you might be talking about this kind of thing, but I’m not sure if what I mentioned is really what you are referring to….


--- Quote ---I still feel that the only way I can experience *reality* is in the moment
--- End quote ---


Well, this is exactly what many spiritual seekers and teachers say, and advocate trying to do!  Present moment/reality living is something written about a lot, but the particular way you word it above, sounds very much like the work of one of my fav. “present moment” authors/books:  “Eckhart Tolle”- “The Power of Now”…    

He says that the only way to experience reality is to live within the present moment, and that the way that the human mind ruminates on the past, and worries on future possibilities, is actually an illness of humanity, and a form of insanity.    I have to say, I do see his point… though what he proposes (consistent present moment living) is extremely hard to do, as he notes himself.

As far as connecting with your own energy, I’m not sure if you mean that you block it from yourself.  I know I do that with my own.  I self connect very well in some areas but in others I create mental diversions, and put up a wall that keeps me from experiencing my own energy and feelings, because those are the ones that feel bad (scary, painful, helpless, hopeless)...    

I think the way to self-connect more deeply is to gather up the courage to walk through the difficult emotions <gulp>...    It's tiring emotionally & spiritually, so done in increments over time...   I've done it on and off but have always reverted back to the wall up.   I'm not sure when I might have the strength and courage to stay with it.  

Because of some personal things going on, maybe/hopefully soon!

BT

Dawning:
Hi BT  :)   I'm sorry if I didn't make myself clear.  This is a hard topic for me.  I always learned to be resilient in my childhood.  And I learned that to be in the moment was where you could really *feel* something authentic away from the N influence.  But *the gods*/my parents seemed to want to control everything.  The *moment* was all I seemed to have.

I will re-read your post tomorrow morning.  (yawn...JST)

Dawning:
Hi BT.   :)


--- Quote ---I understand the masks now, but when I was younger I actually literally had trouble communicating with people because what they were saying did not match “the truth” or the energy I felt behind it, and I did not know how to handle the mixed messages. I thought something was mentally wrong with me. Now I know it is just a natural perceptive ability.
--- End quote ---


I had a similar experience.  I've also been to some sites having to do with being an HSP.  Thank you for mentioning HSP stuff on this board.  I still see the masks very clearly everyday and, frankly, have very little tolerance for the mask-wearers who do so to get attention....that is Nism to me.  Of course, we all have to be professional, reliable, etc in our jobs (for example) but, to me, this is more like assuming a stance that one would need to be taken seriously and is not the same thing as Nism.   I also grew up thinking something was wrong with me - I was raised by an N Regime.   :roll:


--- Quote ---He says that the only way to experience reality is to live within the present moment, and that the way that the human mind ruminates on the past, and worries on future possibilities, is actually an illness of humanity, and a form of insanity.
--- End quote ---


Hmmm.. does he have anything to say about goal-setting?  Goal-setting is truly one of my weak points.  I am fine in the moment but often let the circumstances of the moment be decided by some other *mysterious power.*  In other words, I could not understand - still cannot - where my own power lies to change the circumstances of the moment.  Whew...I hope that makes sense...a little.   :?


--- Quote ---As far as connecting with your own energy, I’m not sure if you mean that you block it from yourself.
--- End quote ---


I have spent most of my life blocking the healthy expression of the energy.  I feel that is related to being heavily involved in the here and now too much if that makes any sense.  Is *having needs* a form of energy?

Have you read the Artist's Way?  I've heard good things about it.

Thanks for your reply.

seeker:
Hi Dawning,

Yes, major daydreamer here!  8)  One of my past Ts told me about HSP as well.  That's me!   :?

My teachers commented on this constantly to my parents when I was little.  Now that I'm all grown up and still daydream, I think it is partly due to my temperament and partly due to tuning out the verbal abuse from either my bro or my father (when he was around).  I have also noticed recently that if someone disagrees with my opinion during a group discussion, I tune out because I start justifying my position in my own head instead of outloud (is that N?  :oops: ).  Kind of shut down.

I have read the Artist's Way and recommend it highly!!  I have also discovered a small little paperback recently called Nasty People.  He talks about a concept called introverting (basically the "huh?" response) when Nasty People start in on their crazymaking.  Instead of calling NPs immediately on the truth, we HSPs start getting defensive and doubtful and retreat inside ourselves.  I do this constantly as well.  

Peace, Seeker

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