NC Breach: One Member's Pervasive Discombobulated Annoying Board Behavior

[teartracks]

Following is the (now deleted) original post I made to PhoenixRising's Obsessive vs Self-Acceptance, with edits.
 
Edit in:  Leah, you have been called out on the board by a number of  participants (some who are NC  and some who are not) for repeated boundary offenses to no avail. 
 
Scripting yourself as the fragile victim and the imperialist concurrently has a vacant and misleading ring to it.  But as long as you believe the script,  it won't matter who makes them  or how many appeals are made to you to stop annoying any female on the board that you perceive to be your competitor.  I am not interested in competing with you on any level.  That is not my purpose for being a member here.  I don't believe that the other women you have bedeviled want to compete with you either.  I can't speak for them, but all I want is for you to leave me alone.  If you don't leave me alone, the only rational conclusion is that your self-possession has completely escaped you.  And if that is the case, then I will be left to consider the source and to tell myself, if Leah could do better, she would.   
 
Here is the request from Teartracks for No Contact with Leah
 
 No Contact Request With Leah
« on: June 16, 2008, 03:23:45 PM »     
 
Dear Leah,
 
I want no contact with you.  I want the  full context and meaning of the no contact rule as outlined on VESMB by Dr. Grossman to apply between us.  Additionally, If in the future he amends  the  No Contact rule as it applies to the board  I want that, automatically to be included as part of this request.
 
teartracks
 
PS  I thought long and hard before making this request.  It is the first of its kind for me.  That it is necessary makes me sad.
 
                                                          ****************************
 
Here's the breach of No Contact rule by Leah
 
Re: Obsession vs Self-Acceptance
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2008, 03:26:31 PM »
 

... and then it finally got through my crazy, frenetic, can't see the forest for the trees head... the same thing that Leah posted:
 

What would cause any person to participate on a board where it is pretty certain that their dignity will be disgraced and dishonored and their character debased?

I'm not calling you to task on this PhoenixRising.  I don't think members should have to trace down and verify the source of what others say of quotes used on the board,  or keep up with NC requests, except their own. I just thought that I should say that Leah lifted the  words used here from my post #1,  (page 8 today)  to bean's, Board Bunnies - What I think of PM's.  Edit in:  A fair question would be, well who are you calling to task?  It's Leah.  A NC boundary breaker?  Note that the word intelligent was deleted from what I said.
 
Edit out: dandylife:  This will build you stronger and more ready for those who will try and stomp upon your boundaries in the future. Don't let them!
tt

[Ami]

Fragile victim and imperialist seems like name calling, TT.
  Couldn't you just go NC w/out name calling?   Ami

[teartracks]

Ami,

I suppose it depends on the contextual application given it. 

tt

[Ami]

*I* am not perfect by any, any stretch of the imagination, but you and Leah seem like really nice people to me and I hate to see you fighting, but that is just my 2 cents, for what it is worth.      Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear tt,

Good for you - for enforcing a needed boundary!

No fight involved, is there... ?  Only the respectful honoring of a simple request is all that's needed.

It really could be that simple...
or not.

I appreciate you so much, tt... your direct approach and style...
and you can be sure that I'll be enforcing my own No Contact boundaries just as firmly. Thanks so much for the example!

Love,
Carolyn

[teartracks]

Dear Ami,

Couldn't you just go NC w/out name calling?   Ami
 

You made my point.  The imperious or one bent on imperialism,  answers to no one.  Did you not read my request for NC?

tt

[teartracks]

Hi Carolyn,

No fight involved, is there... ?

No.  No fight.  Anyone wanting a fight with me will have to catch me first.    I have long legs and can run really fast!

tt

[Certain Hope]

Hi Carolyn,

No fight involved, is there... ?

No.  No fight.  Anyone wanting a fight with me will have to catch me first.    I have long legs and can run really fast!

tt

 didn't think so, tt.

It's true that good fences make good neighbors...

and I think you're wise to keep your fence freshly painted and free of noxious weeds.

That's what the ranchers around here do to their fence-rows... spray them to get rid of the viney growth (oh, that trumpet-vine stuff is awful... they call it devil's trumpet) which would tear them down and expose the cattle inside to danger, if they were to roam.

Keeping fences good and sturdy is the loving thing to do... both for yourself and for your neighbor.

Talking above the board is loving, too... open and direct.
There's no fear... because there is no shame.

There is no shame in saying, "This is where I leave off and you begin. Stay out of my skin...
and stop kicking me beneath the table, too!"

You know, years ago (gee, now I know I'm a gramma... I'm sounding like my own grandma!)... one of my kids used to do that. In the backseat of the car, she'd pinch her younger sibling... or kick her... or just quietly mock her in some way.
It was all done in stealth mode, so as not to be noticed.....
and my little shy one would try to ignore it, because she knew that any trouble in the car would really create a ruckus with her very angry dad.

But eventually,it would get to be too much for shy one and she'd holler out - STOP IT!
I'd turn around and see the most angelic little face on my 7 year old...
while the 3 year old was in tears (not physically hurt, but afraid of her dad's reaction)...
and who could prove what had happened?
You had to have been there to know...
just the pattern of past behavior, combined with trust in the one who'd sat silently, always, trying to mind her own business and not create a scene and - clearly - innocent.

Clarity is good. Thank you for bringing some into this picture.

Love,
Carolyn

[Certain Hope]

Hi again, tt...

Just a note of clarification, while we're on the subject, re: my own "No Contact" specifications.

When someone pulls a direct quote from one of my posts, I don't consider it a typing of generic words.

A quote is a quote... and intellectual theft is just as wrong as stealing anything else from a person.

Would you agree?

Love,
Carolyn

[Ami]

 I was thinking about this ,today. It is a distressing  what is going on, here, on the board.For people who follow the Bible, we are called to walk in a different way than the "world". The "world"(the board) watches us.  We are "witnesses" for God. That is one of our purposes for life, BEYOND our own ego's.The only group I have been in where people   got  along was where everyone followed the Bible,  not JUST  in  words . Each person looked at themselves.  I was in a dance group with 10 women, all   believers , all walking   in love , as an action word. Who is it that is a true follower who can only  love his  friends? It is the enemy  you love which  makes you a true believer in God(paraphrase)
 Remember the mote is in the  accusers eye ? Why worry about the speck in your brothers eye when a mote is in your own(paraphrase)?
 I guess people's "flesh" just runs away with them.Remember , walk in the Spirit(kindness, goodness, purity) and you will not walk in  the flesh. The flesh is being  mean to others. We should try to tame the flesh, not glory in it.
 Everyone who follows the Word is called to walk, not according to the flesh, but with  kindness  and  sensitivity to other's pain.Haven't we all had pain? That is for sure.  Wasn't that the  message ?   I think so.Love your enemy, give him comfort solace, not MORE pain than he has already has (paraphrase). Anyway, that is my little message for  today"What would Jesus do?"     Ami


PS I put myself first in line for my "admonishment."

.

[Ami]

Something to aspire to, TT, for everyone. It is all that matters ,after all.          Ami

[Certain Hope]

I understand, tt.

Sometimes when I read a letter, I can still feel the claws grasping.
But once the stealth-factor is removed, it's a whole lot easier to deal with.

Thank you for this thread.

Love,
Carolyn

[Ami]

THAT is nice, TT. Thank you ! ((((((((((Leah,too)))))))))))                Ami

[Ami]

Rodney King ---"Can't we all just get along?"  Braving a tentative smile,    Ami                     

[Ami]

When it is all said and done, we are all a part of this crazy world, so why tear each other from limb to limb? I just try to smile and offer a hand.           Am


I like the old sayings like 'When you point a finger, there are 3 pointing back. It is folk wisdom.         Ami