can't imagine having her for a boss
She did hundreds of awful or ridiculous things during her year and a half with us. One good example: After she re-decorated her office for top dollar she decided the rest of the building was ugly. So she wanted the maintenance man to paint all the interior bricks pink. This building was built in the 1930s and the interior walls contain thousands of bricks. It would have taken him a year to do such a thing. And she also wanted some shelving painted all the same color but he was only to use leftover paint that might be laying around in the basement. And all this was after she cut the other maintenance position so that one man was expected to do the work of two. She was able to cut the position by convincing the powers that be that our office was too small to even have one maintenance position. Logical, huh?
It was a rough year and a half. All the lying and head games and power plays and divide and conquer.
She confided in one of her favorite employees that when her father died, all four of his girlfriends showed up to the funeral at the same time. Her mother was there, too, of course. She had "daddy issues" as we called it. I can only imagine what else went on in the household that she grew up in to have her turn out like this.
All the lying and head games and power plays and divide and conquer.
Yes, that's the N-Destroyer I know... and
used to fear so badly.
Still amazes me just how much damage one can do in a relatively short period of time. They'll sap the life right out of you, all the while trying to make you appear to be the looney one, if you don't make sure to keep yourself firmly grounded in reality. It is so important to not begin ascribing to them some superhuman powers, but to realize that all the bluster and deception is nothing but smoke and mirrors. Stepping out of the box and just observing, noting, documenting... does wonders for your own mental stability and wellbeing.
That's what helped me when dealing with ex and it's helping now.
I remember thinking about these people... okay, so maybe they're just eccentric, or even a bit loony, so you try the eggshell-walking approach. Thing is, they're really not touchy... so that doesn't help. What they
are is bent on attention seeking... so your eggshell walking does nothing but incite them to further riot. Just like a woman with whom I work, who thankfully is not my boss... pretty soon it became clear that she doesn't settle for
pretending like the rest of the world rotates around her. No, she wants to actually grab you in her grubby paws and move you around the gameboard on which she plays like an object. I'm not sure whether she's trying to absorb me or annhilate me, but I have actually had to place a chair between myself and this woman, to block her attempts at physical intimidation and violation. She's like a drill seargent, really. And all it takes to become one of her primary targets is to dare to assert your own, independent personhood.... i.e., not allow her to tromp all over your space, your property, your thoughts, and even your personal style.
[That's one particularly startling aspect of this woman's disordered personality - - - when you are her chosen target, she will actually begin imitating your manner of dress, hairstyle, manner of speech, even purchase a cell phone just like yours (replacing her other newly aquired one, which she'd only just bought). I mean, money and time and effort are no deterrent... she'll seemingly go to any lengths to erase you - - - by trying to become you! It's just so weird.]
Anyway, what nearly defeated me toward the end with ex was this ever-present dread. It was like he'd impressed on me an unconscious belief that he actually was omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent.
That's why they follow and blame and mimic and stalk and flatter and debase and sulk and weep and do everything else they do... to make these continuous, subliminal impressions on you of what a powerful force they are, that they're in your head. All I can say is... don't buy into it. Just remember what is really behind that curtain.
Love,
Carolyn
