Author Topic: Powerful Non-Defensive Communication ALSO possible communication Barriers  (Read 4117 times)

Leah

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Powerful, Non-Defensive Communication

SUMMARY SHEET

 

1.  Ask Questions: Be curious, open and sincere.

Purpose: To gather thorough information in order to understand accurately what the other person means by what she is saying.

Example: You may be doing a task when someone says, in a tone that sounds judgmental, "There is a better way to do that." You can ask the person directly, "Do you feel critical of how I am doing this?"

Avoid: Using a question to transmit information or to entrap others.



2.  Make observations not judgments: Say what you hear, see, and experience not an interpretation.

Purpose: To express and clarify your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about the other person's reactions as well as your own without implying wrongness.

Example: If someone says in an irritated tone that he was too busy to do something he had previously agreed to do, you might make the following statement:

* "I hear you saying you were too busy to do it."
* "I see that you are acting upset with me for expecting you to have gotten it done even though you had agreed to do it."
* "I feel frustrated when you don't do your part because it makes it hard for me and the others. I would really appreciate it if you would get it done."

Avoid: Using a statement or observation as fact or to convince others.
 


3.  Predict Consequences: Set your own boundaries without trying to control the other person's choices.

Purpose: To create security by telling another person ahead of time how you will react to the different choices she might make.

Example: If someone keeps interrupting you or putting down your ideas, instead of trying to convince the person to listen, you can set a limit using an "If ... then" sentence. One possibility is:

* "If you don't want to hear my idea, then I won't try to make you."
* "If you do want to hear it, then I will be glad to tell you."

Avoid: Using a consequence prediction as an ultimatum to punish or falsely threaten others.



When you ask questions, make observations, and predict consequences in an open and sincere way without trying to control how other people respond, you are using non-defensive communication. People are more likely to respect you, and you can strengthen personal and professional relationships.






http://www.pndc.com/   Powerful Non Defensive Communication


Personally, I recommend the website as discovered some time ago now.

Love to ALL

Leah


« Last Edit: June 27, 2008, 07:16:23 AM by LeahsRainbow »
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Leah

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Barriers to Effective Communication
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2008, 07:06:55 AM »


  Barriers to Effective Communication

There are a wide number of sources of noise or interference that can enter into the communication process. This can occur and there is a need to understand the sources of error. In a work setting, it is even more common since interactions involve people who not only don't have years of experience with each other, but communication is complicated by the complex and often conflictual relationships that exist at work. In a work setting, the following suggests a number of sources of noise:

[I do feel that the same would apply within any on-line community setting, or indeed, any set of personal interactions]   


*   Language: The choice of words or language in which a sender encodes a message will influence the quality of communication. Because language is a symbolic representation of a phenomenon, room for interpreation and distortion of the meaning exists.   Note that the same words will be interpreted different by each different person. Meaning has to be given to words and many factors affect how an individual will attribute meaning to particular words. It is important to note that no two people will attribute the exact same meaning to the same words.


*   defensiveness, distorted perceptions, guilt, project, transference, distortions from the past

*   misreading of body language, tone and other non-verbal forms of communication

*   noisy transmission (unreliable messages, inconsistency)

*   receiver distortion: selective hearing, ignoring non-verbal cues

*   power struggles

*   self-fulfilling assumptions

*   language-different levels of meaning

*   assumptions-eg. assuming others see situation same as you, has same feelings as you

*   distrusted source, erroneous translation, value judgment, state of mind of two people


*   Perceptual Biases: People attend to stimuli in the environment in very different ways. We each have shortcuts that we use to organize data. Invariably, these shortcuts introduce some biases into communication.

Some of these shortcuts include stereotyping, projection, and self-fulfilling prophecies.

Stereotyping is one of the most common. This is when we assume that the other person has certain characteristics based on the group to which they belong without validating that they in fact have these characteristics.


*   Interpersonal Relationships: How we perceive communication is affected by the past experience with the individual. Percpetion is also affected by the organizational relationship two people have. For example, communication from a superior may be perceived differently than that from a subordinate or peer


*   Cultural Differences: Effective communication requires deciphering the basic values, motives, aspirations, and assumptions that operate across geographical lines. Given some dramatic differences across cultures in approaches to such areas as time, space, and privacy, the opportunities for mis-communication while we are in cross-cultural situations are plentiful.





Just some thoughts for open discussion regarding potential barriers to communication.

Leah x
« Last Edit: June 27, 2008, 07:13:43 AM by LeahsRainbow »
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Leah

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The meaning is missing:

When you're talking to someone face-to-face, most of the true meaning of the conversation comes from nonverbal cues—tone of voice, facial expressions and body language.

How much do you depend on these nonverbal cues?

Anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell estimated that 65% of human communication is nonverbal; 

Linguist Deborah Tannen estimates that up to 90% of meaning comes from nonverbal cues.


That means when you communicate via e-mail or the Internet, 65% to 90% of the meaning is lost.   

You can't see what the other person looks like, hear the tone of his voice, watch his gestures and posture. So what do you do?

Most people tend to fill in the gaps by assuming the message means what they want it to mean.   

At the very least, the lack of nonverbal cues in e-mail and Internet communication can lead to misunderstandings.


Misreading ~ the misinterpretation caused by inaccurate reading, or perception, of .... what is Actually written.


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dandylife

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Leah,

Hey! Nice to see you here today.

I LOVE this book. Ms. Ellison also has a book dedicated to parenting. Her methods are ideal for teaching boundaries to children - and, of course, effective communication.

If everyone in the world used her methods - there'd be so much more GETTING ALONG, IMO.

She also produces audio tapes/CDs where you can listen to her expand on her ideas and it's also important to grasp tonality, which is great with the CDs.

I absolutely recommend her books and website as a source of information. http://pndc.com/

Thank you for this info - reminder for me as I have the book in front of me right now - literally - and every day.

Dandylife
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

Leah

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Hi Dandy,

And thank you, I return the sentiment to you also.

I love Ms Ellison website and indeed I was delighted upon discovery.   

However, I have not yet acquired the book, that said, I have considered and decided to obtain a copy, today:

Introduction excerpt

Despite the level of strife on earth, I am inspired by the human capacity for transformation and compassion. I believe we can learn to speak in new ways that honor each person’s full humanity. This book provides the fundamentals for those new ways. We can take the war out of our words.



I have always felt deep inside that the phrase/rhyme;   "stick and stones ...." - was a myth.  I lost count of the times my own mother used that phrase/rhyme to stonewall me into silent subjection.

With regard to the use of Ms Ellison's CD's - I do think you have hit the nail on the head with regard to the aspect of 'grasping tonality' - which I consider could well be an efficient training tool for oneself.

If everyone in the world used her methods - there'd be so much more GETTING ALONG, IMO

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree.

Many thanks,

Love, Leah
Jun 2006 voiceless seeking

April 2008 - "The Gaslight Effect" How to Spot & Survive by Dr. Robin Stern - freedom of understanding!

The Truth About Abuse VIDEO