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Revenge of the Ns

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ch:
Is anyone afraid of the N's thirst for revenge?
It creeps up in my mind so often, which is why i do not want any contact with my Nmother.  If i were to see her, i feel obligated to look miserable and pitiful, essentially mirroring HER.  If i were to show my real confident self, she would attack from envy and jealousy because i am not allowed to outdo her. Well, i realized that it wasn't healthy for me to live that way.

Because of this fear of her revenge, i have always felt compelled to conceal my genuine feeling of contentment, peace, love to humanity. I have had to lower or destroy my self-esteem.  Oh, i beg my self-esteem for forgiveness of abandoning her long ago. But, don't worry, cause I AM BACK!!  :D

I also detest any stories  or movies with underlying theme of revenge which should not be confused with Justice.  Revenge will never bring resolution and peace.  I guess those middle eastern religions would disagree with me on this.

Jenocidal:
My N mother LOVES revenge.  She prides herself on her abilities to oneup people, and screw over leaving lasting impressions on her enemy.

Growing up with this level of sociopathy was very difficult.  Her beatings would come out of nowhere and were fierce.

I learned young that if I was going to have any friends... or contact with people in the outside world, that I would have to hide them from my mother.  If I allowed her to have access to my friends she would consume them any way she could.

She set out to sabatage me all the time - When I was 17 my mother got revenge on me for successfully running away from her with the support of the ministry of family services...  by calling up local businesses in town that I applied for work at, and telling them that she would sue them or otherwise ruin their businesses if they hired her daughter (me).  I removed myself from her home by this time, and was living in my own home.  She was mad that I left her regime of abuse, and found a better life somewhere else.  And she tried to harm me many times.  Once I finally charged her with assault, she never laid a finger on me again.  But by this time, the damage had already been done.   She switched all her efforts from physical abuse to stritly emotional abuse after that.

Mother, the queen of revenge.  I have detailed memories from my childhood of her plotting to destroy anyone that ever entered into ourlives.

ch:
Is it safer to stay close to your enemies or get as far away as possible?
Hmmmm..... :roll:

Lizbeth:
Regaining control of your own life and living well is the best revenge.

I discovered I had accomplished this without even trying (for the revenge part).  Both my N ex-husbands had tried to destroy me in their own way, and continue to control me after divorce thorugh my son's from them.  When the boy's turned 18 I told them that their relationships with their fathers were now their own concern.  I had no need to ever talk to either one of the again, and I haven't.  I worked like a dog for years with little to no child support from both of them and just kept putting one front in front of the other, and just about a year ago I looked around and discovered that I was the one who was on top.

Hubby #1 had stupid replacement NS wife (who he cheated on me with while I was pregnant with his son) and two younger learning disabled children and had already had a heart attack from his bad eating habits and drinking.  His business was failing and he had to take a regular job.   I remember when i was poor and they were so smug with their house and things (they used to rub this in my face while only paying $20 a week child support), now they are both in jobs they can't go anywhere with and that is all they will ever have, that house and those jobs.  Hubby #1 is living in a boarding house on SS disability, still moaning and groaning about how bad his life is (he is the one who created it), how lonely he is, and even my younger son is sick of hearing about it because he does nothing to improve his condtion.  He destroyed everything he had in his life and has learned nothing.  He is a college graduate, what a waste.  He even tried to take my house from me when his son was still living in by putting a false claim on it for welfare payments to him, which was illegal for him to do.  I had to pay mucho bucks to a lawyer for that mess.

However, hubby #3 and I have now been married almost 15 years.  We worked very hard, put him through college and graduate school, me partially through college (had to stop, made my blood pressure go up from the stress), and started a business.  I have a decent job and he works for the Govt. in a job he loves.  I'm finally conquering my personal demons from childhood and adult abuse and we are prospering from working toward our goals. We never picked our heads up for years in striving to keep a roof over all our heads, put the kids through school and hubby too.  When I finally looked up and around last year and realized that I had come out on top of the two who had tried to destroy me I was almost in shock, and it pleased me to know that hard work and living an honest life can and does have rewards and evil will not always be rewarded in this life.  

Not that I still don't have troubles.  Son #1 is an N like his father and I haven't heard from him in a year and that is a heartache that never stops.  But it is something I can't change and I will not allow it to ruin the rest of my life.

Lizbeth

ch:
Lisbeth,

THanks for that inspiring story.  

I like and agree with your statement that LIVING WELL is the best revenge, as long as they don't come after you and try to take it away.   I have always owned very little, living like a minimalist because i know my Nmother will just come and take it from me, so i have always invested in intangibles such as my education, friends, relationships, hobbies, travels, and developing myself (personal growth).  Also i like to eat healthy and delicious food that goes right to my stomache.  ANd because i am young and healthy, and look pretty good, i try to keep out of my Nmother's sight.    
I am not vengeful at all, and still piti her, so i don't want to make her feel bad.

I have a question about your husbands.  How did you manage to rid of 2 N husbands unscathed and finally meet a nice 3rd  husband?  I am wondering if there was  a major turning point in your life that made you break the pattern?

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