I think my heart broke

[sea storm]

Dear Hops,

Post as much as you want or need to.  Whatever you say is ok with me.  It isnt easy to walk away with your dignity.  Or to walk away. 

Sea

[teartracks]

(((((((((((Hops))))))))))))

tt

[Lupita]

I know it is difficult to enjoy the present and detach from the results. But we said that it was that what we were going to do and we need to comply with it.

No attachments!!! That is indispensable1 No attachments!!!!

Did you by any chance behave needy and you might have scared him?

Just a hypothesis. I know Hopsy-wopsy, it hurts, but people come and go, I went dancing on the fourth of July and had a blast, a handsome gentleman bought me a drink and danced with me and flirted, etc. Very exciting. Next day i erased his phone form my cell phone. God has a perfect plan for all of us and the perfect person will appear. We need to move forward with hope.

You are a wonderful person and will find a better more suitable person for you. And if we do not find him, well, we have our selves, and if we love our selves we do not need anybody else.

I am so sorry you are sad, hope that you recover soon soon soon, and next time you will not even give any importnace, and you will be the one that will say, well, "I am not ready for intimacy"

Love to you hopsywopsy, and if anything I said bothers you, please, disregard it. I am sending good vibration and positive thoughts to reach you.

Love to you and God bless you.

[Gaining Strength]

I read your posts in this thread and my heart just aches with you.  I hear you - did nothing wrong, nice guy, need more than he can give.  I could write those things over and over and they still stand the same - aching or the incongruity of it all.

I'm sorry, deeply, deeply sorry for the pain - the hope that won't be fulfilled.

I hope for the future that that exact hope will be fulfilled but that does nothing to mitigate the pain of now.  I wanted something wonderful to ease the pain of all the other losses you have butted up against.  You deserve the comfort and joy of the physical and emotional comfort and love - you deserve it!!!

My heart aches for you and with you.

Thinking of you during this harvest dinner, wondering how you are fortifying yourself to get through it, wishing it were the beginning and not the end.

Love to you, love and courage and hope where you don't have the strength to have those for yourself.

i hope you will allow yourself to grieve this loss - deep to your core.  My heart grieves for you.

Love to you - GS/SS

[lighter]

(((Hops)))

You absolutely sound like you're honoring your feelings....

like you're setting limits and boundaries,

even if they sting.

Lets look on the bright side for a minute:

You DID pick a nice man to be vulnerable with.

And just like Carley Simon said.....

".... there's more room in a broken heart.... if you're willing to play the game, it will be coming around again"

and you still believe in love, after all you've been through.

You aren't settling for less than you want and deserve.... you've broken that pattern.

I think your gardens been a complete triumph this summer.....

I'm so glad you shared it.

Lighter

[changing]

My Dear Hoppy-

Sorry that you are suffering, Sweetheart.You are relearning everything- love, intimacy, commitment- in a new way.  In the midst of being alone- no familial support nearby, in fact a huge wound where they should be...this is so courageous.  And now- to retrain your synapses and the chemical receptor sites, no more N mates or tragic relationships !!!! You have done so well...instead of clinging to what doen't work for you, you have the smarts and soul to bless and release, even if it hurts ... No trying to change another person or trying to be what you are not in order to cling... only time will tell what will happen...

There isn't room or time for what is not right for you to become the main focus of your precious heart. You are loyal and loving, and your heartstrings may tug tug tug but you know what is right, what you would want your daughter to do- Be free to find the right love and create the right life, Darling One.

Now you have room in your date book, and you know that you are special and the BOMB!!!! Now you can date some new suitors and see who is the One worthy of keeping company with you! In the meantime, you can be courted and have fun and romance...you deserve it. Let the demigods depart so that the gods may enter...

Love You,

Changing

[Sela]

Dear Hops,

When you meet the right man......there won't be any heartache, only joy.
You won't have longing for more .....there will be abundance.
You won't be hoping, you'll be feeling grateful.
You won't have to ask him to stay......he'll be there for you both.

I think you are wise to protect your heart from getting further attached to a man who states openly (and yes, at least it's honestly)...that he wants something different than you want.

You deserve what you want, Hops!
Any you will find the right person when the time is right.

I'm so sorry for this pain you feel.  It's no fun and I bet most people here have felt it, in one way or another.
At least you're not alone, Hops and it won't last forever.

((((((((Hoppy))))))))

Sela

PS on edit:  One thingy.....you've proven to yourself that you are desirable and worthy of affection and time.  Those are biggies.  He noticed you and paid attention, spent time with you and although he may want only a limited amount of all that.....I bet it isn't you.  It's him and his protective mechanisms, which work for him, but not for you.  I think you will indeed end up with a valuable friend and are very smart to give yourself the time you need to get to that mode.   In the mean time, I'm sending love and warmth and some of mum's bright light to guide you and keep you warm and cozy.  Wish I could bring you tea and chocolate.

[Lupita]

Hi Hoppy, where did you go? we all love you here and miss you.

Love,


Lupita

[LilyCat]

Hi Hops,

I am so sorry to learn of your heart-ache. It ...err, isn't nice to feel. (was thinking of a specific word...) Wish I could wrap my arms around your heart and give it a big hug. Two problems with that: can't get there in real-time, and your heart is so big that even with my long arms I couldn't grasp it so .... I'm sure it must really hurt. The bigger the heart, the bigger the hurt.

It is VERY important to know how to protect ourselves, and you are doing that, so congratulations.

It does sound like he cares enough and honors you enough not to intentionally hurt your feelings, and to not use you when many others would. I think that says a lot about both your choice and your healing journey.

Which, I know, makes it hurt all the more (when they're nice and care.)

Hugs to you, Hops.

much love,

LilyCat

[sKePTiKal]

OHHH HOPS.


I think I understand. I'll be around if you just want someone to listen.

[Hopalong]

Dear sweet amazing friends,

So swamped just at the moment that I can't thank you individually (except I have to confess Izzy got me on a little Connie Whatsername jag, that was SO incredible...I had seen it before but diabolical timing, Izzz, nice and teary...and THAT sent me over to Paul Potts... )

And Changing, to thank you for the term, "Bless and Release." I LOVE THAT. Heck of a lot nicer than sticking someone through the cheek with a fishhook, now that you mention it.

He came by last night, from 4 hours on his motorcycle (he'd gone to an old friend's 60th bday gathering). I had invited him for the dinner and forgotten I had a church commitment. So for several hours I cooked up a storm to fix him the meal anyway, was going to leave it on his porch. I had to shoo him away but he hinted as how he could come back later, and I said sure, maybe I'll see you later...and he reappeared with a DVD and we climbed onto my bed and hugged onto each other like lampreys, no sex involved or even needed I think, and it felt so gooooooooood. I drowsed off and he tottered home all tired and I am fine.

We didn't Have a Talk. We Had a Hold.

Who knows, lordy knows I don't, but though I feel a teeny bit more detached (that's good for me) I no longer am scared (today's weather report) and do not feel abandoned. He may have had to act out just a bit of independence, as so many of you conjectured, last weekend...and it was just bad timing because it interfered with my nervous breakdown.

No fool like an old fool. Today I feel peaceful and safe, and I don't know if it's because I'm releasing him or because he came back, or if it's both at once.

I love every one of you for your kindness and caring.
Your collective and nuanced and varied wisdom's just the icing on the cake. Priceless and lifegiving.

thank you!
xxxxxxxxooooooo,

Hops

[axa]

Hops,

I have absolutly no advice since I am the queen of dysfunctional relationships but I do send my love, I am glad you shared some time with a man who is honest, I am glad your garden is growing and that you had someone soft working with you, I am so pleased you got some well deserved hugs and I wish you strength in letting go, if that is what is needed.

much love

axa

[gratitude28]

He sounds like a sweet guy, and we all know what a catch you are
Lots of love, hot tamale.
Love, Beth

[Ami]

Dear Hops,
 The Judith Sills book talks about distance . It says that both people need to know that they CAN come and go freely, w/out excesive demands to stay.All relationships navigate this stage. It is really hard when our abandonment issues kick in and we want to cling like baby monkeys(at least *I* do).
 Your letting go will be the best way to navigate this stage and will set the best stage for the beginning of the next level(IMO)
 You are doing really, really well, Hops.
           Love,   Ami

[lighter]

Welll...


((((((((Hops)))))))))

You're certainly not alone.

So glad to read you're back in the saddle and feeling steady again.

Light