I think I'm going to write a book with that title, ha, ha. I really do think we are largely the same person; I sure am finding out a lot about myself by trying to recover from this disaster.
Just wanted to say that I really, really like this pastoral counselor. She's very sharp and also, when she reacts spontaneously, has a very winning vibrance about her. I hope I can afford to see her for a longer term; I think I could do a lot of work on "mother" issues. I had thought they were largely dead, but as I drove to the appointment Saturday morning, wow, I was overwhelmed by feelings of need for her (the counselor) to be a mother. Guess that just didn't happen with a male therapist.
It is so different to talk to a woman. My therapist before the current one (group one) told me way back when that I should see a woman therapist some day; I can see that he is very right. There's a different quality to a woman ... womanliness!!!
We talked about my immense physical attraction to the pastor; she said some wonderfully affirmative things about me (just trying not to go into detail on this subject...) and wow, were they powerful. They had an effect far beyond what I would have imagined; she must have really hit a deep unconscious nerve.
AND! I wish you could have seen her face when I told her the bottom line was that he'd filed harassment charges, twice. It wasn't surprise; it wasn't shock. She quickly looked anguished, and then it sank in a little more as she no doubt thought of the ramifications, and the horror escalated. It was obvious that she so totally got what this meant, probably, in fact, more than I do, since she can be more objective.
It was the exact look that I came to her for healing. I know she gets it -- not just the psych, but the spiritual.
And, it is so very wonderful to have psychiatric counseling within the framework of the church and God and spirituality, and my denomination. It is just wonderful. It brings a whole new lightness (for now!) and affect to therapy.
For instance, she talked in great deal -- okay, here it is -- about how passion is a real blessing from God, and that I am a very passionate person (errr, in that sense) and how that is a real gift; that many married couples or other people don't feel this as I do. (I hadn't given her any real details...) It really was a wonderful affirmation.
She also said that it was very unusual for someone to understand that they needed spiritual discernment vs. usual therapy ... and talked about that for some time. She did say she was trying to speak of my strengths; she didn't say it, but I'm guessing that's what therapists do in the beginning, build rapport by talking about strengths. I guess this is the honeymoon period, but boy, I really like her. I told her I was prepared for the tough stuff!!
Two sessions, haven't even gotten 1/4 of the way through the saga. I've been trying to talk fast and get it all out, but now I think there will be real value in taking my time and giving her every little detail. I think that would be a real gift to myself, regardless of how many sessions it takes.
Well, gotta go!! Anyway, I really like her, am looking forward to working with her.
