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Questions for ONYX!!!

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ch:
Hi Onyx,

1. Do you think you are now a bit hardened or jaded as a result of your experience with the Nlady?  (Its hard to tell because you write so well and with so much humor. I am really impressed by your wisdom and mature attitude considering your youthful age. and yet, i still sensed you were so terribly hurt and in despair, and have given up on romantic relationships.  i do hope i am wrong about this part.)
 
2. Do you still continue to learn lessons from that experience that happened long ago?  

3. Have you worked on those childhood issues that made you vulnerable to the NPDers?

4. Do you think that your failed relationship with Nlady has traumatized you and added to your list of issues to work on?

5. Are you ready and open to a healthy relationship with a woman?

Thank you so much for writing your story and analysis in July.  It read like a suspense novel.  I was so hooked to it myself, and have found many lessons in it for me to take in, having survived more than several N relationships myself as an enabler. Your story woke me up to alot of things i have been telling myself for years, but somehow, it's more powerful hearing it from another soul.

Anonymous:
Jezzzzzz......I love you and want to marry you right now!!!! I :P  Nobody has ever written such nice things about me before..............I'm soooooooooo shocked!!!!!!!! :lol:  I don't care if you've got a humped back, 3 nipples and you name is quasimodo!!! I don't even mind if you've got: in-growing toe nails, knock knees, a colostomy bag, hairy chest and bad breathe.....I ruv you! I do however draw the line at farting in bed.......if you produce supersonic biscuits (pass wind) during the night, then you're fired!! :wink:

As for your questions:

1. Yes.......and no! Of course I'm hardened, who wouldn't be! But then again, it is all part of growing older; we never stop learning! At the time, yes I was very hurt, but I really laugh about it now! In writing that, I'm not trying to cover up any shame or dented pride.....I really do smile about some of the things that happened! I didn't at the time.....and I never thought I would.....but I learned soooooo much about her.....and more importantly, ME!

2. And then some!!!!!

3. Yes. I came face to face with myself.....for the first time! I stopped focusing on 'her' and 'her problems'.....and started to take a real good and long look at myself! So much so, this is why I think I managed to sort myself out. Instead of playing the blame game and finger pointing at her, I turned my finger around on me! Why had I gotten myself so involved? Why had I put up with so much crap? Why had made me so determined to continue with it?......etc! Yes I did go right back and into my childhood and yes, the answers lay before me......I just never really looked for them before!

4. Yes it did.....but I slowly started to address them. I didn't complete the story I'd written during the summer.....I thought it had bored a few people, so left well alone. I did start dating again after a while......and quite honestly, I was bloody awful to be with.....I promise! I found myself asking so many questions and of course, mentioning her name far to much! I pity the poor girls who had to endure me......I was absolutely crap!

5. Now I am.......and I can be very honest about that! I haven't been honest in the past about this issue. A number of women thought that they could pick up the pieces and sort me out so to speak! But quite honestly I was never in any real position to offer any of them much! I became emotionally sealed off.......actually quite cold really! I wouldn't let anyone get on my inside......not matter what! On the one hand I was 'good relationship material' as far as girlfriends would view me, but inside I kept it quite that I had no intention of doing anything with them other that girl friend/boyfriend stuff! I didn't want anything heavy and actually walked away from women if I felt pressured in anyway!

Now I'm a damned site more relaxed and easy going. I think that if you've had a relationship with an NPDer, it's going to take some time to get them out of your system. In a relationship, I have healthy boundaries  these days, I didn't before hand! I walked straight in to a situation that I was totally unprepared for.

In business, at the time I very much was involved with companies who were in financial difficulties. I'd help turn them around or put them under. I was a rescuer and could turn situations around. I applied this to a relationship......and paid the price! I didn't give in easily.......I damn well do now!

I knew nothing about NPD...absolutely nothing!! I now consider myself very well read on the subject and balanced at the same time. I do however feel that the entire issue is being hi-jacked by some, for no other reason than greed! I also believe that the same people are doing their level best to incourage the masses to believe that there is a NPDer around every corner! This is not so! If anything, it really belittles those who have come into direct contact with a person(s) with NPD.

Once again I thankyou for reading my material and responding as you have :lol:  Now is you can: cook, darn socks and wear a pink tutu in high heels, then my offer of marriage is confirmed :wink:

David

Onyx:
One day I'm going to remember to log in before I post things!! :oops:

David

ch:
Hi David,

I'm not kidding about what i am about to say, and i am in shock myself. Here goes.....  I dare say that you have read my mind in your opening line.

YES, I would like to marry you as well!!  Is that crazy or what?  I think you have read my mind across the Atlantic Ocean in the past  few weeks while
I have read everything  that you have ever written on this board in the past month. As a result, i really have come to admire, like, and love you from afar.

I wrote to you in the past few days hoping you will come back to the board and write some more.  And this morning, I am NOT kidding, i woke up and said to myself, "Hey,  i like that Onyx man, whoever he is.  I think i could fall in love with someone who has been through hell, not only survived it , but has come out  so well-adjusted and with such humorous and healthy outlook.  He must be an incredible person."  Then, i turned off my alarm, brushed my teeth and started my day.....

I don't know and care too much what you look like either because i am not visual like most men are, however, i am very audio, so i hope you have a nice voice.  Thankfully, i am not bad-looking if i do say so myself.  I am very honest in my self assessment.  I am not drop-dead gorgeous, but i'd like to think that i own a balanced and honest face which is classic and beautiful, which one cannot grow tire of looking at such as like most of the hollywood types these days.

Yes, i have worn tutus and danced on point as a teenager.
I can cook!  not English though, but in other more flavorful style...

The farting thing....you might have to give in or compromise a little bit sometime.  These sort of things depend on alot of factors, such as the gaseous foods and the condition of the stomache, intestines, and nervous system, etc...I cannot promise, but will certainly try.

Also, you don't need to log in as long as you sign your name at the end of your message.  As for me, i don't sign there, but i sign under username.  i don't  logging in because it never works and i didn't bother to figure it out.  i think the only diffence is that logging in keeps track of how many postings you have made and what city, state you live in.  and that maybe you can delete your postings in the future like that one lady did recently when she said goodbye to everyone.  i don't understand why she had to delete her old postings as if she never existed in the first place. and when you read some old postings, it's hard to follow and doesn't make sense anymore....

I will have to look you up in London the next time i head in that direction, cause you and I are getting married!!!  Yippee!!  Something exciting to look forward to....  

So, tell me, do you sound like anyone famous so i could attach the voice to your postings.  :D

Anonymous:
:shock:  I am swooning under dizzying twilight zone like spirals.  Is it just me or what? :?

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