My Mother - A Pathological Liar

[debkor]

Hey SS,

Go right ahead and rage....Lord knows, I have... I raged my head off in the T with my ex-h.......why the lies,,,, lier,,, lierrrrrrr.....why can't he just tell the damn truth... it's stories.......I was there... and look... he is LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  and yes he was

The T told me... look he has been lying his whole life.. he is 33 years old.. his lies, forgets them, then lies about the lies...they eventually become a whole story..his lie are truth and truth is lies.. he does not think normal, Deb... his thoughts are not normal...that is why he is here...

He has ABNORMAL THINKING........look at all the years.... he just can't... SNAP OUT OF IT...first we have to find out why....and that could take... many... many....many years.... and only if he wants it.....

But he does not think right.. think right,, think right..... think right....not normal thinking.....not normal....

And this SS helped me...I stopped thinking about what he was lying about...and started thinking Abnormal... they are sick...sick thinking abnormal thinking.....they cannot tell the truth.. they cannot stop changing the story... they cannot not make up a story... they are abnormal....thinkers.... with abnormal thoughts.........

I'm sorry SS I know how angry you are....

Love
Deb

[debkor]

SS,

My rage is deep.  I am going to make an effort to harness it to move myself forward.  I might be able to do this because at last I believe my own self rather than the lies.  For a life time I have "argued" against the lies as though only if I win that argument with whom? am I correct.  This time I don't need to win.  I AM correct.  She is a lie - she doesn't "do" lies, she IS a lie

On the brighter side.. I would like to :::

Welcome you home  it's going to really be alright....

Love
Deb

[LilyCat]

SS,

You're doing great! This has got to be hard for you, but it's also so healthy. I admire your courage.

And, I'm insanely jealous! I've had two therapists tell me I need to get in touch with my anger, and although I can some, it is still an enormous road block for me. Wish I could get in touch with it as you are doing.

Keep going!! Bravo!!

[Ami]

Dear Lily
 This has helped me get in touch with my anger. I can't feel anger toward my parents too well, but I can feel it when other people hurt me. So, I take the anger I feel toward other people and I try to see that it IS root anger to my parents. It has helped me get in touch with my anger.             Love  Ami

[sea storm]

Dearest SS.

I think your rage will move your forward. No use sharing any of it with Mom.  She will just put you through the spin cycle one more time.

Anger is the key to letting go and claiming your own soul and psyche back. At some level I know this and I am fertively dabbling at it.  When I do I get so scared.  But you are claiming your life back.

My heart goes out to you.  Best no contact.  So you can be free to grow.

Love,
Sea storm

[teartracks]

Hi SS,

Sea Storm:  I think your rage will move your forward. No use sharing any of it with Mom.  She will just put you through the spin cycle one more time.

Truer words were never spoken.  You won't get any acknowledgement from her that she is lying.  You will only heap more frutstration, hurt, guilt and  disappointment, on yourself by going off on her.   She will never get it.

tt 

[Gaining Strength]

I'm having a hard time getting on the internet at times and even moreso getting on this site.  Who knows why. 

Today is the 7th anniversay of my husband's death.  It have not been looking forward to it.

I am sitting at home on the verge of getting stuff done.  Hope I get pushed over the edge.  I am so close.  I wanted to get on line several hours ago.  I "needed" to come here but couldn't.  I am going to rest a bit before I work hard for 2 hours and then go pick up my son and go to the cemetary.

Life is so weird.  I believe that life is just beginning for me.  I think for the first time I am getting beyond the nightmare that has been my life.  I believe that I have lived something other than who I am and what I have as potential.

I had very interesting conversations with both my mother's doctor and her psychiatrist.  They both consulted with me even though it crossed the boundary of confidentiality.  The psychiatrist is setting up another appointment for her next week which will include my brother and me.  He was completely unaware of her lieing.  I filled him in on a few choice one - the ones I posted about here.

I didn't realize it until this morning but I got a kind of confirmation or reaffirmation from both of them.  THAT is extremely healing.  I have also gotten reaffirmation from my brother for an entire year - the first out of my entire life. 

[Gaining Strength]

I have just received a call from one of my mother's financial planners.  We discussed some of her financial issues.  I cannot tell you what a difference it makes for me to be in contact with people who truly believe I have something worth while to say and can be of help. 

For one thing, it makes it clear to me that my own issues are purely psychological.  That is actually helpful to me because I know I can overcome that.

Over the next week or so I will be working hard and deliberately to overcome the last of this darkness in my life and move into a functional life.  I am so close.

[sKePTiKal]

Hip Hip HOORAY!

[James]

SS............Do you remember when I wrote to you sometime back and told you what I saw in you? Now, I think you are getting ready to meet the woman/girl that I see in you. Congratulations ........Love, James

[LilyCat]

SS,

You are. You are becoming clearer every day, and stronger. It's obvious.

I am so sorry about the anniversary of your husband's death. That must be very hard. Wish I could be there to hold your hand.

Your courage and strength are shining through!

------

...Ami, thank you. I actually can get in touch with anger at my parents, pretty well. It's being angry in the moment, or with people that I am angry with now, that I have trouble with. Mostly being able to say something in the moment. Thank you, though. You're always an inspiration.

[teartracks]

((((((((((SS))))))))))

tt

[Ami]

You are an inspiration to me SS, always have been. You embody the good in human nature and I am proud to be your friend.    Love    Ami


((((((((((SS)))))))))))

[Leah]

(((((((( SS ))))))))))

How are you?   I just wanted to say that you are truly an inspirational woman, of courage and determination.

Please know that you have been at the fore of my thoughts, and in my prayers.

Love & Blessings,

Leah

[Gaining Strength]

I had a dream last night.  I had been travelilng with my mother. It was the day to leave and I had to pack.  I drove my car to run an errand and the car began to sputter.  I finally realized I had run out of gas.  I got out of the car, it was a busy hwy.  I walked a short way to a gas station.  The owner was in a tux and was leaving.  Clearly the station was closing.  One of the attendants approached to help me.  I told him I needed gas.  (I was fearful because I didn't have any money for a container.)  But he helped me without hesitation.  As we walked back my fears compounded.  How would I get packed in time, my mother would be gtting ratcheted up and my panic escalated just imagining it. Suddenly I remembered that I had not considered getting my car home - Then I saw the freedom of getting my mother on the plane while I drove, freedom in so many ways.  Yet the fear of facing her was overwhelming. 

She had immense control over me even in her absense, despite the lack of rationalism.  Most people simply stepped back as though she was right simply because she was my mother.  Noone had the courage to call a spade a spade.

In another scene I was in the same setting but in a large 12 step type meeting to discuss my struggles.  We were going around in a circle.  When my turn came others began talking among themselves.  I stood up to speak and I would not, there was so much talking and so noone to listen.  Several people told me to go on and speak.  I hesitated then sat down, I was still urged to speak.  I became more and more frustrated, still urged on I lost my temper and yelled, then sat down abruptly.  My son began wailing and I tried desparately to comfort him.

When I finally got up I felt yet another step closer to fredom, to cutting the strings.  It is astonishing to me how my parents control from early years still reigns. 

I sent an e-mail to my mother earlier this week.  She called me per usual.  She asked if I were angry and then followed with, "What did I do?"  Even though she had just the day before proudly let me know that she had seen the psychiatrist that my brother and I had arranged and she had been deceptive about her appointment even though we had asked repeatedly about when it was scheduled.  She never responded to my e-mail and has not called again.  My brother is out of town and I haven't had much contact with him either.  It is surprisingly painful and difficult.