Your boss is not your mother by Debra Mandel PhD.

[Lupita]

Many people attempt to control things they have no control over, putting their energy in the wrong directions. Some are even consumed  with the behaviors of her boss/mother/husband/friend, instead of looking for the ways they could improve their own situations.  The formula for having a happy life is to take responsibility for own choices and et go of the things we do not have control over.  The unhealed stuff will surface in the most inopportune moments. Some people have lived in their lives without defenses and these people are seen as walking wounded.  Everybody takes advantage of them and  they are looking for a mother in everybody. In the place of work this is a recipe for disaster.


Wonderful book I am reading. I see part of my problems there.

Anybody relates to this?

[Lupita]

When you are irrationally blamed by your parents of things that you have no control over, when you go to work you will have the tendency to take responsibility for things that you did no thave control over and you will feel guilty and shame for things that you did not have control over.

Pity keeps us stuck in a victim mentality and compasion and appreciation allow us to move forward and grow.

[SilverLining]

Hi Lupita. Thanks for the book recommendation.  I think workplaces in this society tend to be seething cauldrons of projected family issues.   Employees are looking for parents and bosses are looking for people to dominate.    For a lot of years I looked to the workplace to substitute for validation I didn't get from the FOO.   I got some "supply" from bosses but it was never enough.  And I burned myself out worrying about things I couldn't affect.   Hopefully the insight I have found into the FOO issues will help me avoid this in the future. 

[Lupita]

Thank you Silver for sharing. I have gone from place to place, from job to job, all my life, I am 51 and dont have any property, have worked like a beast all my life and have no retirement.

All due to my family issues taken to the work place. At least now I understand. And will try better not to have problems.

[Lupita]

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger, by Nietzsche. Leave the past behind. If you make peace with adversity, we have the freedom to draw upon what we have learned from it when needed.

Now we are adults and we have choices, and it is not like when we were little and we did not have a choice. Now we do have choices.

[Lupita]

Take particular care to notice when the bahevior shows up and work towards altering it. Chellenge your self to do the opposite of what you typically do, for example, if you avoid dealing with behaviros with others for fear of making waves or retaliation, take at least one bahavior at a time and approach it head on instead of avoinding it.
When you change your reaction to a situation and start acting more positive and in a more constructive style, you begin to build your repertoir of positive responses.