Interesting Therapy~~~ some insights.

[Izzy_*now*]

hi lighter
Did you get the Do Not Pass?

Ah! Well I tried!
Dr. telephoned re my 1:00 and I was here getting ready for a 2:00 so we met in the middle 1:30 and went for 3 hours.

All is good, but he charges to read those 8 pages.

Statements to ponder.
. Every feeling has a beginning and an end.
. Every feeling is attached to a need: a need being met, or a need not being met.
. I have the power and can use it! (Say it and mean it!)

Name all the words or phrases you can think of for:

I am someone who is, or who us commited to be:
A compassioinate communicator
Loving freedom
Volunteering(contimue on your own) (you don't have to share if you don't want to but think, think and see what you come up with. Maybe something you never thought of before. "Confiding in others" (We have a long way to go to confide in people after all our betrayals.)

I have to make a Collage of My Ideal Life! Ouch--could be a problem, as a walkie or as a rollie?

Later Tummy pain. I went there without lunch and I just had a small sandwich and better lie down.
later
Love
Izzy

[teartracks]

Hi Iz,

Another healthy-life thing is taking good care of the elimination system to avoid infections and constipation/ toxins in the system.

At our age, this little activity becomes the highlight of our day, right?

tt

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi tt
It is always on my mind, when I ingest food and drink.
Always On my mind. Always on my mind.

xx
Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

hi all.........................................................

HELP
I am to do an in depth about "My Ideal Life".

I don't know how to portray an ideal life when in a wheelchair!! If I portray a walkie ideal life it would be false.

My ideal life would be only wishful thinkiing..... then this Ideal Life I present, I am to find a friend who will keep track of me so that I attain that Ideal Life.

Once again I am on the outside and cannot do that!

I am not going to even begin it until I here from a few of you.

I make sense.....do I not?

xx
Izzy

[Certain Hope]

Iz,

Did the doc say that the Ideal should be possible?

Feels to me like placing that contingency on the project kinda deflates it... and defeats the purpose.

Maybe the whole point is to let your imagination run wild and then, in the process, alot of hidden feelings will spring forth?
I dunno for sure, but that makes sense to me.

You would not be un-true to yourself if you imagined what, in your wildest dreams, might be your ideal life, would you?
Make it like an excursion into fantasy?

Love,
Carolyn

[Izzy_*now*]

HI Carolyn,

Since I am to make to identical collages, one for me, one for my friend to 'keep at me'--- it appears it must be a logical "ideal life'

I cannot make an ideal life from being in a wheelchair, just recently finding out that will never stand again and am to buy a battery operated scooter.

All of this evolved from a list of feelings that I tell him I don't have, then he told me the feelings he sees.

OK STOP
I have pictures of horseback riding, mountain climbing, BBQ'ing while dancing with my spatula, swimming. bunjee jumping, flying an airplane, parachuting, having an Uji and killing all the Ns and Ps on earth.

That is all fantasy, right? That might be Ideal but not be able to be done

OK

So I put 2 pictres on a collage board: one of me in a power chair and one in a manual chair...not much of a Ideal Life.

Yes "I am to find a friend who will keep track of me so that I attain that Ideal Life".

I say with this one he has just had a mind hiccup, that not all his patients are the same.
and that disappoints me!

Agreed?
Izzy

[lighter]

Izz.... you go and do and you know your limits but.......

you go and do and you know your limits.

If you had all the support and means and energy in the world......

what would your perfect day, (in an Izzy or otherwise powered chair....)

look like?

I see beer, a tiny bit of entertaining, exploring, sharing....

I see your family and I see Izzy engaging interesting others.

What does your perfect day look like in Costa Rical?

Is it Norway you'd like to see?

How about Paris?

I traveled on a plane once,  sitting next to a man nicknamed "wheels", bc he was in a wheel chair and it was memorable in business.

He sailboats and travels by plane and runs a company bc that's what his perfect days look like.  He's living them, not that they're without their difficulties.  All from a wheel chair and.... don't get me wrong, I'd rather eat a bug than sailboat but.... the fact is..... you have some dreaming to do.

Now..... I see you sharing a cold beverage with friends and laughing and darnit..... where is it you want to do that?

The States, perhaps?

Anyone here you'd like to visit ::wink wink, nudge nudge?::

In the fall.... when beer tastes the best?

Exploring by day and nesting by night, cormforatbly in your own space....  reading and watching movies of your choice?

Eatin familiar crunchy munchies...... and maaaayyyyybe some new ones?

I don't k now..... there are so many things still left to do.

Lighter

[Certain Hope]

Izzy,

I'm sorry... had a brain fart of my own, there... but I'm finding it hard to believe that's this doc's problem.

Maybe whatever feelings are coming up within you, as you consider this project, are just exactly what the therapist was trying to get at?

Love,
Carolyn

[Izzy_*now*]

hi lighter and Carolyn
You see, when he asks for this to be done, HE doesn't care for the results. It is his patients who do it for themselves.

I will not waste my time doing one, as the little world, I like, that I have built for myse;f, with no toxic people is fine for me......right now.

This exercise of his is not going to get me anywhere, as I am already where "I want to be"....at least I cannot think of anything better than right now, now!

Back a few posts,. I said he willl charge me for reading my Life Story. Writing my Life Story was "just for me" It's an exercise in putting it down on paper. I have studied this over and over in my mind for 6 years.

As much as I've told him, he knows, but 'forgets' that I have spent the last 6 years reaching this point, that I like, and I have said to him that I am short term and I just asked him to cement some things.

He has done a few but also, you see, if we do it MY way, it looks as though he has no control over a patient.
I don't want to control him; I just don't need all the hoopla from beginning to end.

I will talk wilth him in 2 weeks about this. He'll inderstand.
Izzy

[sKePTiKal]

uh.... Iz. Hey.

I don't want to throw you for a loop, but I'm hearing you be a bit defensive about the life you've built - and liking it that way. (This: from the Queen of Defensive...) Maybe I'm just seeing myself... but it really does sound like you're saying "this is the way it IS" and "I don't want to try to change it".

Folks in wheelchairs ski; play basketball... teach...
We had a blind man in a tai chi class.

I do understand your ownership, pride, and comfort in the life you've made... and that's a very, very good thing. But, WHAT IF....

... you COULD walk again; how would you want change your life? What would you do differently? Dreams - even for us "old ladies" - are a very, very good thing. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE POSSIBLE - to DREAM IT.

And, in my experience, the only time something is IMPOSSIBLE is when we stop dreaming we can have it. That's something I have to remind myself - ALOT - these days.

I think the exercise is important - especially since you feel so strongly about it. I think you'll discover something NEW that you didn't know about Izzy. Even if you try to do it - and you seem to not be able to - even THAT is important.

Just my opinion, sweetie... you know. And I wanted to say that this morning, I had a dream about everyone here! We were all together in the flesh - Carolyn, SS, Ami, Izzy, Hops... EVERYONE was in my dream. And Iz - you weren't in a chair - you WERE up & dancing in the aisles... Carolyn was going to church... don't remember much.

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi PR
I expect I do sound defensive about my life. It does sound rather boring.

At this point I have just learned I will not 'stand up' again and I am to use a power chair for my downtown trips. My shoulders, now, might give out before I do.

"My Ideal Life" .....well....oh. and it must be an honest one that can come true if I work on it. So it must be one in a wheelchair. (I too, dream of me and I am always standing/walking.)  So dreaming 'what if' does not belong in this truth. This is for me and what I can work toward, and I see my limitations, although not with anger.

My mother could never stand and she wore dresses. I see now that  they were better for using the bathroom. I have no dresses , but use slacks, clamdiggers, shorts and cannot pull them back up anymore without lying on my bed, so I don't use Public Facilities.  I must find a place with the dresses I have in mind, and they are not sexy, spangly, slit to the waist ones. I can see in my mind what I want for a style. (There is still pulling up the panties, unless I go without them.)

Anything strenuous would make me pee myself--unless I were thoroughly prepared for it, as in less liquid and and good emptying just before I go. I never leave home without my pee. Life is a bit organized and timed. It is different to be catheterized and there is time enough for that when I really require it again.

I had to remind therapist yesterday that I was dealing with the 2 new things--no standing ever again and a power chair I must buy! So life continues with its little sidetracks all the way along.

Thank you for dreaming about me (dancing yet!) and for writing.

This is new to me, this Ideal Life--ideally it would be to walk again, but the reality is what I must work with.

Oh yes. I am to find pictures to represent my ideal life and use words from a list he gave me. When finished Ii am to read it ( He said READ IT!) every day and work toward that life. I am to have someone else clued in with a copy of my collage and to check on me about Accountability, Support and Encouragement.

Love
Izzy

[sKePTiKal]

Yes, Iz... I sure as H--- know about limitations and being realistic about them. Yep. Gots some of my own.

And the idea of dreaming about what "might yet come to pass" was new to me, too. My hubby was the one who got me started on that... like I'd always wanted a pony... so he bought me 3 toy ponies. I'd never had sexy undies or sleep wear... just plain, institutional white; flannel... and he wanted to know why on earth NOT? So I wound up with a Victoria's Secret charge account that I use maybe once, twice a year.

He's bought me untold bits and pieces of art stuff - and even busted his butt to revamp our family room into a studio for me...

... doing his damndest to undo as many disappointments in my life as he could. But ya know what? It's still up to ME to start working toward making dreams reality. And I'm still dragging my feet about it. So... having a list of what I want... or a collage... would be a good starting point. I do have a list:

live on/near the water
make & sell art
find fun people to hang out with - do things with
quit smoking - completely, once & for all

That's it - big list, huh? That list is 5 years old. And it's SHORT because I didn't feel - and still have trouble feeling - like I'm important enough to want anything... guess that's why I connected with your homework.

[Izzy_*now*]

hi Pr

oh how nice to have someone bring some new things into your life.....things you enjoy.

So this exercise is to find pictures that represent your desires--what you wrote could be easy. You might find a picture of a house on the water, or a condo or a shack, whatever, but the prettiest and the most like you would want, then print from computer or cut from a magazine, then continue with the other things. I think the collage would show pretty things, so no diseased lungs, just a No Smoking sign (?) The collage need only be the size of regular paper, 8½ x 11". It is laminated, (or Saran wrapped) AND IN PLAIN SIGHT SO YOU SEE IT EVERY DAY.

Then think of the phrase therapist said to me.

"I have the power and I can do it!"

(hit a key that sent this too early)

I'm going to scan some pages again for here.

Love
Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

This is a list whereby one says, out loud, using your name, "I, Izzy, am accountable"

If a word or phrase on this list is not me at all, I am to delete by erasing it completely with 'white-out".

These words that are "you" can assist "you" with your collage!

Izzy

[Izzy_*now*]

This 'list' is self explanatory and it's amazing the nunber of feelings that are sorted out and put into categories. It was given to me on a two-sided 'cardboardish'  page.

Look at Physical Nurturance--6 suggestions, and before we all came up with over 10.

If you want any of these, just right-click and save. These are .jpg  images. (I centre these in the scanner and they are crooked looking--must be my angle, sitting beside scanner, or ....well they look normal here, but ... I also scanned at 50% to fit here and have not printed after scanning......just saved to a Folder and uploaded to the website I work with. Eventually I clean out all extraneous files...............but It sure is s good way to post things. on the Web.


Izzy