Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Types of Boundary Violations - and healthy boundaries

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Hopalong:
Oh my.
Notwithstanding the quip from yours truly, your last 2 posts are amazingly helpful to me.

Distillates.

Thanks, PR...

love,
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Yer welcome, sweetie...

I'm still working this issue - hard - right now. It's vast, really, the whole topic of boundaries... how external, parental limits become our internal boundaries on self-directed behavior (or the "trials & tribulations of self-sabotage")... the different kinds of boundaries with other people... and how/why boundaries need to be permeable... and sometimes aren't.

It's the bestest tool in our toolbox, I think... after being able to see ourselves; be self-aware.

And it's the top of the list of things that we weren't educated about... boundaries and then emotions. The work is fast & furious right now, so it's not in a coherent state. Some of it's popping up in my other posts. Soon, I'm going to write another of my lengthy essays on this topic -- and it's all based on the connection to "good enough" attachment. Just need to distill out the babble and rambling, and make sure my basic premises are what I think they are.

Everything, for me, keeps coming back to feeling that I'm "OK"; making situations/people "safe"; maintaining - or regaining - emotional equilibrium... in other words, the exact same things infants receive with a "good enough" attachment relationship with a mom. I've solved the conumdrum of my T's comment about my mom: "No one's perfect", I think. I'm finding more precise words and descriptions for things that have vague and fuzzy meanings... like "letting go" and "forgiveness"... and getting close to the "how-to"... the "what I need to do".

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