Lily cat, sounds like we do have alot to talk about. I honestly have come to grips with my lack of speech. I used to get really quiet and really mad. They should KNOW what they are doing is wrong!!! Shouldn't they??!! I would do alot of passive aggressive angry things that I know just made people think I was the crazy moody lady. Then all of a sudden in Nov of last year I just quit getting mad. And I also just came to grips over my lack of talking. I realized I am scared to talk, fine, but other people do not have the abilities I have to realize someone is mad or how every single thing they might do might make me mad. Those are skills I developed b/c of my dad. But most people are clueless about how what they do might effect someone else.
So I came to realize if I wasn't going to speak I was just going to have to be OK with what was going on around me. Being quiet and mad was killing me. So now I am just quiet and peaceful. I might have a small moment here and there where I speak up but for the most part I have come to accept I am a quiet girl.
Right now in my life I am mostly dealing with self esteem. I realize in my teens I used crazy silly class clown stuff to overcome it. In my 20's I used my body and party girl skills to overcome it. In my early 30's I used drugs to deal with it. Now at late 30's I am clean and scared and have no coping skills. I am a pale, middle aged white woman with messy hair who just sorta stays quiet and blends into the background. But I AM healthy and I am somewhat peaceful.
I hope you can come to some type of peace over not talking if you are unable to overcome it.
