Posted by Leah. on what helps.
The difference between: being Assertive -- being Aggressive -- being Passive
Ever get confused on what is assertive behavior and what is aggressive behavior? A lot of people do. So what is the difference?
Aggressive people are pushy and loud. People describe them as bossy, intimidating, abusive or dominating. They like to get their way and get angry if they don't. They give in to their knee jerk reactions. They violate other people's rights and they like to get even. They attack people instead of problems. They can be egotistical, hostile and demanding. They often take advantage of others because they can. Their goal is often to control, humiliate, degrade, dominate and overpower. They send the message "What I think counts. You are stupid of you think differently." These aren't nice people to be around. Others say they have "anger" issues. Another word for them is BULLY.
Assertive people are my favorite kind of folks. They express their feelings directly but with respect for others. They not only respect others...they respect themselves. They listen and learn. They are usually self-confident (at least in the matter in which they are asserting themselves). They allow others to disagree without getting worked up about it. They send the message "I respect you and I will help you within my healthy boundaries." They are honest and upfront. You usually don't have to guess at where they stand. Their goal is to listen and be heard. They have healthy boundaries and then enforce them with firm limits, although they do so with respect for the other person. They don't enjoy conflict, but they will confront. They usually have healthy relationships. They can be outspoken or quiet.
Passive people are another group. They avoid problems and confrontations. They allow themselves to be manipulated. They give up their rights and often feel inadequate. They rarely make choices such as...where to go for dinner or what movie to see. They don't express their thoughts in front of groups. They have trouble saying "no", and then become angry or resentful because they feel taken advantage of. They feel unappreciated. They won't stand up for their rights or the rights of others. They usually talk softly. They are background dwellers hoping to avoid a lot of attention. Others see them as meek, mild-mannered and accommodating. Their goal is to keep others happy and avoid conflict at any cost. Others describe them as very easy to get along with. Ever get a limp hand shake? It's a passive person on the other end of that line.
Thinking of how to move from passive to assertive.
I see many passive traits in myself except, I give a strong handshake, as I believe that shows that I am happy and interested in seeing someone. Also I can pick where to go for dinner, movie etc.
The rest is quite familiar when I am with my FOO.
I do have assertive tendencies when I am with safe people.
This stood out to me, as I examine who I am and where I want to go and become.
Very timely, thank you Leah.
Waving hello to all of you. ox seasons
