Hi OC
I suspect that you still love your husband, in spite of his disease of alcoholism, because you have not left him.
I have a friend back in Ontario. We met in 1967 at work. She was dealing with her alkie husband, a son dying of cancer and 3 daughters. She was so open and honest about everything, that I told her about me. She thought her husband was so handsome, and he was (kinda) and eventually I showed her a picture of my alkie, Joe, who I left, and she said her husband was 'ugly'. We are just so open (and crazy) about things.
To cut to the quick, he was transferred away, one week before my accident, and where they were living with another girl born and the boy buried, he, Lew, upended a beer he was drinking and said , "I don't need anymore of this" and since had not taken a single drop. early '70s.
After meeting her, Joan, I always felt that I could have stayed with Joe and then he wouldn't have killed himself. We never know the scenario. until we are living it.
I gather you still have faith in him. Do you sleep together or apart? Would he sleep in the garage and still be a family man? Does he have any spiritualism in him at all? And you?
Yes you have to figure out what you do but are you going to get it from al-anon?
When I was with the N, Bob, he, too, was alkie, much to my surprise after about 6 months alcohol-free courtship!
AA had Open Meetings and I could go to his with him. I SAW and KNEW there wasn't a spiritual bone in his body. It would have to be something else that would make him quit.
What about lack of money? Can you control his?
What about anything that allows him to drink and you can step in and stop it?
Are you enabling him to drink, in order to keep him?
Do you buy it for him? drive him to the store for booze, pay his bail to get out of jail free? calm his morning tremors and headaches with loving attention, even sex?
God! It would be so nice if alkies everywhere could just upend the drink, as Lew did, above!
Love
Izzy