Am I Crazy??

[Overcomer]

Well, today h said he would try.  He asked me how I quit and I told him I became a mom and it was important for me to set a good example for my children.  I told him he obviously didn't care what kind of example he made...........I will not do anything about it.  It is finished.  It was just a crazy moment and I appreciate all of your advise....it was great.....sound, etc. 

[gratitude28]

He probably won't be able to quit on his own. You may want to accompany him to AA if he is serious.
Good luck to both of you.
Love, Beth

[Overcomer]

Well, he seems to think he can but I do not.  It will las a couple weeks if I am lucky............he is so much nicer when he is not drunk.  I wish he could be a social drinker but he cannot.  I can....

[gratitude28]

Yep, we are a different breed. Physically we are wired so that we can never be social drinkers. And a break just sets us up to fall further when we go back to drinking. Even if he does get sober, you two will have a lot of adjustment to figure out who you each are and what you mean to each other as responsible adults.
Love, Beth

[Overcomer]

Thank you all for making me come to my senses.  I realized that I do the same thing every single time.  I choose impulsively and then live with the consequences and then try to make another irrational decision which will get me out of the first one.  Now I know that I really do love my h, I just hate his drunkenness....

I also know that he will probably get pretty irritable especially this weekend.  We are going to clean out the garage and finish moving into the house after almost a year of living here......he usually putzes drunk so we will see how he deals with this chore without alcohol.  If he does drink I will be so mad!!

I hope he will go to AA....I want to continue going to Al-Anon............need to figure out why I do what I do as well...

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi OC

I suspect that you still love your husband, in spite of his disease of alcoholism, because you have not left him.

I have a friend back in Ontario. We met in 1967 at work. She was dealing with her alkie husband, a son dying of cancer and 3 daughters. She was so open and honest about everything, that I told her about me. She thought her husband was so handsome, and he was (kinda) and eventually I showed her a picture of my alkie, Joe, who I left, and she said her husband was 'ugly'. We are just so open (and crazy) about things.

To cut to the quick, he was transferred away, one week before my accident, and where they were living with another girl born and the boy buried, he, Lew, upended a beer he was drinking and said , "I don't need anymore of this" and since had not taken a single drop. early '70s.

After meeting her, Joan, I always felt that I could have stayed with Joe and then he wouldn't have killed himself. We  never know the scenario. until we are living it.

I gather you still have faith in him. Do you sleep together or apart? Would he sleep in the garage and still be a family man? Does he have any spiritualism in him at all? And you?

Yes you have to figure out what you do but are you going to get it from al-anon?

When I was with the N, Bob, he, too, was alkie, much to my surprise after about 6 months alcohol-free courtship!
AA had Open Meetings and I could go to his with him. I SAW and KNEW there wasn't a spiritual bone in his body. It would have to be something else that would make him quit.

What about lack of money? Can you control his?
What about anything that allows him to drink and you can step in and stop it?
Are you enabling him to drink, in order to keep him?
Do you buy it for him? drive him to the store for booze, pay his bail to get out of jail free? calm his morning tremors and headaches with loving attention, even sex?


God! It would be so nice if alkies everywhere could just upend the drink, as Lew did, above!

Love
Izzy

[Overcomer]

Iz:  We sleep together.  I have watched many friends that I grew up with go down the road of drugs and alcohol.  One of our friends died after rehab.  He got out of rehab and went and bought a fifth of something and drank it.  He started bleeding internally and died.  I have also watched my best friend (who is a coke head AND an alcy) get worse and worse.  Her temperament has completely changed.  She is moody and irrational.

I would say my h is a midline alchy.  He is at the stage where it is affecting relationships but he can still work.  He does a lot of passing out after drinking.  He drinks a six.  Doesn't do hard liquor much.  He is a light weight.  But I told him..............he reminds me of my coke head friend about ten years ago.  I also told him he is walking on a slippery  slope.  He will end up losing everything if he keeps going down this road.  Mostly, his life.

I dated a man who was worse than my h.,  He drank EVERY night and smoked 3 packs of cigs a day.  He was impotent.  At least my h and I have that. (although the cymbalta has made that not worth my time or effort............I hate that about antidepressants..............you need them to regulater your mood but you end up being flat for the most part....(

[Overcomer]

Ok, so my h and I went out to our favorite Mexican restaurant................he told me he could be a social drinker.............he said I will only have 3 beers.  Well, he slammed them.  I had two margaritas and had the worse headache.........I am a light weight and find no real reason to drink...........alcohol and I do NOT mix....

Anyway, he didn't drink when he came home.  I told him if he could keep his drinking under wraps and only do it on special occasions and when we are eating.....he had a very hard time sleeping all week.  Probably because he is so used to getting drunk and passing out. 

I will give him the benefit of the doubt.....I know it is hard for him!!