again confused

[debkor]

Hey Lup,

again confused?   Reading you I don't think so.  You seem to know right where you are at and maybe that is a little uncomfortable and fearfull for you.  You have come a long way.  It is ok to say No, Stop, I don't like it, and be sick of it. 

Remember the other side of fear is freedom...  Enjoy your vacation!!

Love
Deb

[Hopalong]

Hi Lup...
Having just gone through a horrible fear of my brother's intrusion and sense of entitlement over my life, this is what I'd do...

I'd go see the guards and tell them this:

"I want you to clearly understand that you do NOT have my permission to allow X into the building as my guest. I know he has made friends with you, but it is my preference as a resident that you do NOT allow him to enter without getting my permission. I hope we have that clear.

Would you like me to put this in writing to the complex manager? I will be glad to if that will help you enforce my request. I know you're here to do a good job. Thank you!"

I'm sorry you're frustated with him, Lupita...I think maybe it's not working for you, and it's been hard to be real with him.

You deserve the RIGHT person for you, not just any person.

Clean start, clean new year!

You are allowed to change your mind. You only need say, "I'm sorry but this isn't working for me. Thanks for the time but it's time for me to move on." YOU DON'T OWE HIM ANY FURTHER EXPLANATION.

No drama needed...you can say a dignified goodbye, and how he reacts is his problem.
(Don't let it be yours, okay?)

love
Hops

[Lupita]

Your gentleman is human...... just like everybody else.

If he could do better..... he would.

He can't.... nothing to get upset about. 

Accept that and deal with it. 

Yes Light, I wish to think that he is just a human. Sometimes I think that these Ns are from space.

He asked me what I wanted from the library. I said, Key to awareness from Wayne Dyer. He brought me ten different but not the one I sked. I asked him did you check that? He said. no. I forgot. He did not hear or did not care what I wanted.
I told him that I need to spend time alone and he starts crying. "You dont love me anymore" He odes not get it.
He is just like my mother.
He offers to throw away my trash and he takes the trash with his hands from the bag and saves the bag. Not that I need the bag, but I guess ge wants to know what I am throwing away. Just like my mother.

What gets me sad is that this is the kind of man a attract nd I have attarcted all my life. That means after so many years I keep doing the same and I dont even realyze it.

Why cant I attract somebody normal?


 You seem to know right where you are at and maybe that is a little uncomfortable and fearfull for you.  You have come a long way.  It is ok to say No, Stop, I don't like it, and be sick of it. 

Thank you Deb. At least I know what is happening.

My son broke up with his girlfirned and he stayed friends with her. I wish I could do the same. I told him that I will be his friend forever. I went for a walk on the beahc with him and he asked me if he could visit with me at my house. Exactly what I am running away from. I do not want him in my house. So, he does not know anything. Zero awareness.
So, I told him again for the hundre and one times I told him I do not want him in my house and I wanted to be alone at my house and that I want to be his friend forever but not girlfriend. I told him that it is better a bad arrangement rather than a good fight.
In a fight nobody is going to win. He was sad and he left. But at least we are not enemies.

I will have my son visiting for several dasy today and that will help me to keep this gentleman away. And I am sorry for him, because I know he is a good person and he needs somebody to love him, but I do not want to be with someone because I feel sorry for him. I do feel sorry for him.

You are allowed to change your mind. You only need say, "I'm sorry but this isn't working for me. Thanks for the time but it's time for me to move on." YOU DON'T OWE HIM ANY FURTHER EXPLANATION.

Thank you Hop. I need to internalize that. That I deserve something that makes me happy. Not a baby 63 years ol who need a mother and he is so much older than me. I cannot possibly be his mother. I already have a son who is realy my son and he needs me.

Anyway, next time I will not bring anybody to my house, my apartment is too beautiful and people want to stay here forever, they do not want to go.

I will never bring a dtae to my apartment.

I am learning, little by little.

The good thing is that I feel sorry but not depressed. Today not even fearful. My son visit will help me a lot.

Thank you friends.

God bless you.

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi Lupita,

I mentioned that Ken never leaves a message when I don't answer the phone. I was going out today, battery dead, came back to call AA and hear him leaving a message. I was stunned!!!! AND he even used my name THREE times in his Xmas message.

When I checked the phone (for incoming call) he was calling from his sister's place. There would likely have been about 7 adults, and no way could he slam down the phone in front of them, so he left a message.

Talk about a hypocrite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told him some time ago that I no longer read Stephen King or Dean Koontz and preferred to choose my own reading material in paperback, from the Library, and was now into more Mystery/Suspense than Horror.

He sent me 2 hardcovers, King and Koontz. If I answer his next call I will say that I am donating those books to the Library, too! meaning others he has sent after I told him m,y preferences had changed.

He NEVER listens~~~~~~~~

[CB123]

Lupe,

I'm sorry you have been having so much trouble with your fellow.  Sometimes things just don't click--and maybe you can never get to the bottom of why it doesnt.  I think that sometimes it's just chemistry--or lack of it.

Something I've noticed is that you have to have an ebb and flow to a romance.  The moments of delight and intimacy have to be balanced by moments alone and separate.  If you don't have that, or if either of you are afraid to have that (like he seems to be), it ruins it.  Your idea to not have anyone over to your apartment sounds like a good one.  When you have a relationship that develops to the point that you WANT to have them over, hopefully you will have already worked out the ebb and flow issues.

Enjoy your time with your son, Lupita!  How fun to spend this time with him!

Love
CB

[Lupita]

Izz, the problem is that W does not do it in purpose. He does not even realize what he is doing, he is totally unaware, he is sleepwalking through life. Total lack of awareness. So, I do not even get mad at him, I get mad at my self for falling in the trap that I am aware and he is not. I do not have the paciences to educate him, I already educated my son, cannot have another son now.

But yours probably does it in purpose. It is called passive agressive. I do not know, anyway, it is similar but at the same time it is different.

CB, you are right. I need to focus on the now, enjoy the resent, enjoy the now,my son is now here and I need to enjoy that.

The thing is that I am concerned that it is dificult to find a good person, even if you so not match but you that is a good person that will not do anything to hurt you.

To find anothe man that is good person, available, single, is difficult.

I am afraid that I am wasting the only opportunity that I might have inlife to have a companion.

At the same time, I do not want to lower my standards of what I want just for not to be alone, and have a companion, just having someone who cares.

I thought I knew what I wanted, now I do not know.

Do I want company? I would have it with him.

Do I want love? I would have it with him.

Do I have somebody to understand me? He does not understand sh*t. Zero.

When I lucked up my self out of my apartment, he brought his drill and drilled the luck, open the door, fixed it, and I only paid the cost of a new luck. If I had to call luck smith it would have costed $200.00, He was happy to help me.

He is very good with computers, hes is helping me with my teacher skills by teaching me programs that make me a better teacher.

For example he tought me how to save videos that I find in the net and show them to my students, also helps me with the power point presentations etc. He is glad to help me.

He makes me CDs of Eckart Tolle althgouhg he understand sh*t of them.

Am I being selfish and I am not understending that a human being is going to give you god things and bad things?

Why do I get so desperate when I am with him? He makes me extremely irritated.

That is the problem. My tolerance for frustration is very low.

So, due to that, I have to find a man from Mars because terrestrians are very strange.

I dont know what to think.

[Ami]

I think you can not be true to yourself and have him as a b/f. IF he agrees on friend, which he probably won't, it might work,but usually does not when one person wants more than friendship.
 I think you want a man, but not him.
 If you try to hang on,I think it will become hurtful to both of you.      Ami

[Lupita]

Thank you for your response Ami, my son thinks like you. Still, I am going to try to make him my friend if he is willing to be my friend, that would be wonderful, if not, well, I will end up alone again. Nothing unusual.

I feel sad and fearful tonight.

Despite that I had a very nice Christmas with my son and visited some friends and had a nice time. I come home and read an e mail from my mother and made me feel very sad.

I am really hated by her. She is my enemy.

[Hopalong]

I do not like it that your mother has free access to your mind through your email.

love,
Hops

[Lupita]

Hop, not only e-mail, it is just that she wants something that I cannot give her, then she says that I mistreat her, then she says that she is going to get my brother against me. My sister has not talked to me in 12 years.

It hurts that my mother hates me, it hurts.

She calls an syas how bad my sister in low is. Because I do not respond and I do not join her in her hate against my sister in low, she gets mad at e and says that I am mistreating her.

She provokes me and then says that I am a bad daughtrer and a bad person.

It hurts, very much.

She wants me to disappear.

It gives me chilly feelings.

Now I do not write her everyday like I used to do before. Now I only write her once a week and only a couple of lines.

Little by little.

God will give me peace.

My son is threatening me that next year he will spend Christmas with his dad and his young wife. That is very painful.

[Lupita]

W is coming today to walk on the beach. He wanted to go with my to my son'c conert but I did not let him. I want to go alone and be with other people and my son.

W needs to get used to the idea that we are only friends.

Hopefully.

I feel very lonely.

[Lupita]

That story of Covina California of a man who killed averybody of his exwife, makes me fear, I have to be very nice to W so I keep him a friend and he does not feel like doing something ugly to me.

I feel very lonely.

[Ami]

Lupita
 Our M's are monsters. It is horrible to see and say,but it is true.
 It sounds so trite to say but God can bring you the man of your dreams. God can comfort you. He has done both for me.
 Hang in there, Lupita. Your guy does not sound like a killer.
 You are hurting  tonight.
      Ami