Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Introduction: Sorting it all out
TruthSeeker:
Greetings to all. Like just about everyone else I have ever known, I grew up in a "dysfunctional family" (as if anyone can really define "functional"). Over the last several years, I have been trying to figure out just how in the world I got from "Point A" to where I am today, and how to get from "here" to where I ultimately want to be (wherever that is). I've become very interested in the subject of psychology and I have become quite adept at being able to recognize and identify "personality disorders" and other quirks which I have felt I had observed in people around me (friends, family, co-workers, etc.) but ultimately, my question came back to: where do I fit in to all of this? What is/are my problem(s)? What is it going to take for me to quit falling back on old habits and patterns of self-sabotage? I apologize if this seems rambling and confusing, but I suppose in many ways, it is.
At this point, I would describe myself thusly: I strongly believe in truth, in treating people around me the way I would like to be treated, and doing my best to contribute something positive to the environment around me, in the naive hope that it might get passed along to others and maybe even come back to me eventually (you know, good karma).
Unfortunately, for much of my history, particularly my childhood and my dealings with my immediate family right up to the present time, I feel like I was surrounded by "un-reality." And at this point, what I seek to do is figure it all out and try to make something positive out of it. I know people who blame their parents, boss, significant other, friends, etc., for every problem or obstacle they've ever encountered in their lives. In fact, I know I frequently have tended to do the same thing myself, but I believe this is counter-productive and only serves to perpetuate those problems. I believe in personal accountability and claiming ownership of one's own life and responsibilities, because that's the only way anyone is going to improve their situation. Point all the fingers you want, but it isn't going to make anything better.
I first sought counseling almost a decade ago, and the immediate catalyst (though this was only one of many issues I needed to address at the time) was a particularly painful breakup with a significant other. At the time, I literally lived in the proverbial "parents' basement," from which I eventually "got a life and moved out" (as William Shatner once suggested so eloquently). I talked with some friends, one of whom gave me a phone number for a therapist (and it turned out a lot of my friends and acquaintances had been or were seeing the same therapist). I called this individual and left a message to be called back. She called and talked to my father, who presumed to speak for me (as he tended to do) and told her that I wasn't interested. So I called back and made an appointment, and continued to have weekly or bi-weekly sessions for the next year and a half or so. Even though my parents were very vocally critical of my seeing a therapist, I continued to go. My mother, who has classic narcissistic traits, would say things like "Why are you paying someone, when I could straighten you out for free?" She also frequently claimed that I shouldn't go to a "shrink," since she thought I would have to reveal this information on job applications, etc., as if it were some kind of negative stigma. Though both my parents can be extremely negative and discouraging (in fact, tenaciously so), I managed to stay on course until my therapist more or less "retired" and moved away, but in that time, I believe I didn't really have a handle on what my real issues were and I was at the time still very much in the "victim" mode, failing to see the role I myself had played in a lot of my issues (and I like to believe that I have made a lot of progress in that area in the ensuing years). Our discussions never really progressed beyond a "surface" level and I don't believe I ever really got down to the nitty-gritty of how I'd gotten to the point where I was, how the process actually worked, and more importantly (rather than pointing fingers or calling names), how to break the cycle and move forward into a more positive and fulfilling existence.
After my therapist moved, I really didn't pursue any serious counseling, though in the last couple of years, I did make contact with a psychaitrist who prescribed some medication for me (for symptoms of ADD); my "internal jury" is still out regarding whether or not ADD is a "phantom disorder;" I was told I had this when I was a toddler, and of other people I've known who have been labeled that way, I note a lot of similarities in their family backgrounds and childhoods, but I also can say that since I have been on the medication, I feel more focused and more "together," so it seems it's been doing whatever it's supposed to do, so I won't argue with that. However, I am much more interested in dealing with the reality of my issues rather than trying to escape from everything with drugs, and I'm really not interested in being an "Elvis impersonator," thank you very much. :) I have become quite frustrated in sessions with this psychaitrist because any time I have tried to initiate a serious discussion about any real issues, his response is something along the lines of "we have a pill for that," and that's not what I'm looking for. After having spent a year in sessions with a counselor (not a psychaitrist) I feel (as I mentioned earlier) like I never got down to the bare bones of what my actual issues were, but in the years since, I have developed a strong interest in psychology and social issues and I frequently can be found spending long hours at bookstores in the self-help and psychology sections, since that stuff fascinates me. I've gotten to a point where I believe I have a basic understanding of where I'm at, and where I've been, and how I got here. Where I've been having difficulty is in staying focused and moving forward in as positive a way as possible. I have lived on my own for the last six years (having been far too dependent on the family for far too long, which is still an uphill battle), and that has helped me enormously (especially in maintaining perspective, since I can describe my parents as living in an "alternate reality," and I now recognize I once lived there myself; if a twisted misconception is the only reality you've ever known, breaking yourself of it can be quite a challenge). I realize I've been rambling and I haven't gone into a lot of specifics, but I feel I've blabbered on long enough with this, and this post really is just an introduction...but I'll be bringing up some stories later, if anyone's interested...even if it only serves for us to remind each other that we're not crazy and we're not "the only one" who's experienced things like this...
Have a great day!
Offended:
Location: Suburban Chicago Website: http://www.shadowlane.com
Occupation: Writer
Interests: OTK, Music, Writing, Acting, Film, Comedy, TV, Animation, Psychology, Truth
Tony Elka E-mail: tony@shadowlane.com
Shadow Lane, Inc. Voice: 818-985-9151
P.O. Box 1910 Fax: 818-508-5187
Studio City CA 91614-0910 Web-Site: www.shadowlane.com
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Eve Howard evehoward@shadowlane.com
Shadow Lane, Inc. Voice: 818-985-9151
P.O. Box 1910 Fax: 818-508-5187
Studio City CA 91614-0910 www.shadowlane.com
So which one are you? And where does spanking fit in with healing? It just seems provacative on your part to give your web site. Like you have ulterior motives here. People here are trying to work things out for themselves. Sometimes that includes going over and over and over the hurts experieced in ther families. Are you really up to that? Or do you want to make others feel bad? Or maybe you want to talk about this spanking issue you have...?
TruthSeeker:
--- Quote from: Offended ---Location: Suburban Chicago Website: http://www.shadowlane.com
Occupation: Writer
Interests: OTK, Music, Writing, Acting, Film, Comedy, TV, Animation, Psychology, Truth
Tony Elka E-mail: tony@shadowlane.com
Shadow Lane, Inc. Voice: 818-985-9151
P.O. Box 1910 Fax: 818-508-5187
Studio City CA 91614-0910 Web-Site: www.shadowlane.com
--
----------------------------------------
Eve Howard evehoward@shadowlane.com
Shadow Lane, Inc. Voice: 818-985-9151
P.O. Box 1910 Fax: 818-508-5187
Studio City CA 91614-0910 www.shadowlane.com
So which one are you? And where does spanking fit in with healing? It just seems provacative on your part to give your web site. Like you have ulterior motives here. People here are trying to work things out for themselves. Sometimes that includes going over and over and over the hurts experieced in ther families. Are you really up to that? Or do you want to make others feel bad? Or maybe you want to talk about this spanking issue you have...?
--- End quote ---
It's not my web site.
As part of the registration for this site, it asks for some interests, links, etc. It probably was less than prudent for me to have mentioned that, however discreetly, since it clearly is something which isn't for everybody. I was just "answering the question." Sorry if you took offense.
I'll take the link off. That way, it will be more subtle.
To answer your last question, I don't consider it an "issue." I'm at peace with it and have been so for many years. It's a *part* of the many facets of who I am. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. Just like not everyone is into bungee jumping, mountain climbing, canoeing, etc. Or, more to the point, anything you may or may not do in the privacy of your own bedroom in which I (or anyone else) may or may not share your interest.
Make others feel bad? I don't follow you on that. Please elaborate if you don't mind. I was just sharing a small part of myself, and I also note that nothing in your response refers to anything in my original post, beyond a reference in my profile which you evidently found quite troublesome.
But thanks anyway.
Also Offended:
If it's not an "issue" to you why mention it, even discreetly? Why do we need to know what you do in your bedroom?
I was offended by your closing quote.
TruthSeeker:
--- Quote from: Also Offended ---If it's not an "issue" to you why mention it, even discreetly? Why do we need to know what you do in your bedroom?
I was offended by your closing quote.
--- End quote ---
You have a right to feel offended, if that is what you choose.
Now how about the *actual content* of my original post? Or did you even read it? Not that it matters. I'm not here to debate people.
Have a nice day and thanks.
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