Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

I am a partner with a Narcissistic Mother!

(1/2) > >>

Overcomer:
I work day in and day out with a Nmom.  I am going crazy.  She says that open communication is important to her but that is only if I agree with everything she says.  If I disagree then she thinks I am being disrespectful.  She only sees the bad in everything and everyone.  When she comes in everyone starts walking on eggshells.  I have worked with her for 10 1/2 years and have successfully set boundaries, but like everyone has said in this forum, she blames me for everything - including being unstable since I set some boundaries.  Well, I am seriously looking for another job since she SAID she was starting to back off - but that only lasted a few months and now she is back in pointing out everything that is wrong in the place.  Rather than congratulating someone for a job well done, she points out the dust on the shelf or notices that the carpet needs vacuuming.  Several people at work have come to me and told me that if I had to live under such scrutiny all my life, they feel really sorry for me.  Should I go get another job?  Only thing is this - my nmom is rich and I am afraid of alienating her so much that she will disinherit me.

Anonymous:
Hi K,

Sorry, I couldn't tell if the Nmom is your mother at first...

Couple of ways to go:

1. Stay.  Be miserable.
2. Go and announce your departure like a regular person.  This will alienate your mom and create insecurity in yourself.
3. Plan your departure first.  Like a girlfriend breaking up with an extremely unstable boyfriend.  Read the stalking websites for tips, like "become very boring to your boyfriend, so he will look elsewhere and be glad to be rid of you."  So perhaps in your case, instead of trying to do a stellar job, be mediocre and stop caring.  Anticipate more unhappy noises from your mom.  See if there is a candidate/glutton-for-punishment who would want to take your place as Second Banana. Be defiant about staying and doing a crappy job.  Make her want to be rid of you.  Say stuff like "you can't get rid of me, your my mother!"  Then go.

Good luck.  Seeker

Anonymous:
Welcome kelly,

I don't know whether you should look for a new job; but you pay a very high price working for your mother.

A therapist could probably help you clarify what you really want in life.

bunny

Singer:
Hi Kelly,

How old is your mother? Is she anywhere near getting close to retirement? It might make things easier if you know you're working within a limited time frame.

Also wondering how long you've been aware that your mother has NPD. I've found that being aware of what's going on has made me better able to put things in perspective with my NMother, but it has been a gradual process. Taking one day at a time helps until you decide for certain what you can and can't deal with.

Singer

nassim:
Hi K,

To heck with the money - I'd get out with my soul. Just mo. But find another job first.

N

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page