N Women/Bi-Polar and being a B*tch

[Dawning]

Hi to the voiceless and voiceful on this board! 

(A new feeling just came to me - after watching Ellen Burstyn play Elliott Stabler's bi-polar mother in Law & Order:SVU and then finding the movie, Dolores Clairborne, on Cinemax last night.)

The thought that this feeling created has to do with the word, b*tch.  I used that alot in the past to describe a behaviour of someone's - as in "she is acting like a b*tch right now."  However, the new thought is that people who suffer from NPD and Bi-Polar, in general, also have this tendency and just ARE b*tches throughout life!  It was interesting how this thought seemed to relieve a certain burden from me...in that, no matter what I do, no matter how nice and polite I am (and was taught to be!   )  women like my mother, my co-worker, my cousin and my aunt are ALWAYS going to be b*tches.  I think it is better to look at them this way than to take everything personally or try to enlighten them by pateintly explaining - directly or indirectly - concepts such as self-awareness, respect for differering points of view, respect for healthy boundaries, etc.  So, in any dealings with them and for my own peace of mind and love for myself/the planet, I think it is better to walk into any interaction with them, having made this conclusion. 

Thanks for letting me share,
Dawning.

[gjazz]

I have an aunt who is bipolar.  She comes across as the most self-centered, egocentric, insufferable bitch on the face of the planet.  The only difference I see between that behavior and narcissistic behavior is that (at least in my case) my NF sets out to harm other people, whereas my aunt is just completely clueless about how her behavior affects others.  She doesn't care, to be sure.  You can confront her (and people do, occasionally) but she'll just tell them how wrong they are.  She'll never change.  She's worthless as a mother and a grandmother and everything else because she must always come first.  If you can imagine a bizarre little girl living a princess fantasy at nearly seventy, that's her.  She's not sane.  But she doesn't have the specific goal of causing harm.  My father does.  He is driven by hatred for the world that has not put Him where He belongs, treated Him as the Godlike figure He was raised to be.  He is perfectly sane, just rather evil.

[Gaining Strength]

Thank you Dawning.  I had an experience tonight that was unpleasant and touched a raw nerve in a tired soul.  I was at a festival with my child and one of his friends was slyly trying to get Richard in trouble with his mother.  I intervened and asked his FOR THE THIRD TIME to please stop.  In the middle of my conversation with two 7 year olds a large child of about 9 or 10 jumps in and says to me, "Why are you telling them that?"  It pushed my last nerve and I said very sternly, "You are a child and I am an adult and you will not talk to me that way."  With that a woman stepped in between me and my child and accosted me for talking to her autistic child in that manner.  I was dumbfounded  - first of all there was NOThing autistic appearing about her very verbal child, second of all my choice of words were in no way out of line, third of all, I view it HER duty as a parent to protect her child, NOT to expect the world to KNOW and then CONFORM to her child, who in NO way appears to have ANY handicap. 

When I read your post tonight I thought, "That's it.  The woman was just a bitch, angry b/c her child is autistic and determined to take it out on others.  It was a kind of a set up. 

My son, who is severely ADHD gets people's rath at times and I see it as my responsibility to protect him rather than control other adults.  I completely disagree with her expectations and behavior and seeing her behavior as b*tchy really helps take the pressure off.