Hi everyone,
When I came out of denial I dropped like a rock from space. I was dazed, directionless, lost, disappointed, and on and on. I had never felt so low. Didn't know how I could possibly sink any lower, but feared I would. I did. Thought it would literally kill me. It didn't...couldn't because the human spirit and the will to survive is so powerful.
There was something iside me that stood up and said, we are at war. It's us or them. I'm speaking metaphorically of course. Wrong thinking, my wrong thinking was the enemy. Going forward, getting well meant walking through the village of my own mind. That village was a virtual minefield of wrong thinking. Keeping safe meant walking very carefully, very slowly, very deliberately for the old wrong thinking minefields were everywhere and had hair triggers. One after the other they had to be dismantled before I could take another step forward. To make matters worse, dismantling it once wasn't always sufficient, for I'd get triggered again and again by the same old thought patterns. Sometimes I still do.
I found a site called coping.org. Reviewing it and looking back to where I was when I crashed and burnt helped me identify and see more clearly some of the wrong thinking that tripped me up. Here is a list from the site that is deeply personal to me. These were the minefields I stumbled through, trying to find me in the middle of the mess of my life.
What is accepting personal responsibility? Accepting personal responsibility includes:Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.
Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.
Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.
Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.
Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you, and what you are bound to become.
The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.
Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.
Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.
Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.
Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.
Not feeling sorry for the ``bum deal'' you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.
Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others.
Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.
Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears, and burnout prevention.
Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues, and positive points.
Developing positive, self-affirming, self-talk scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.
Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background, and awareness.
Working out anger, hostility, pessimism, and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment, and misdirection.
How can failing to accept personal responsibility result in negative consequences?
When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can run the risk of becoming:
Overly dependent on others for recognition, approval, affirmation, and acceptance.
Chronically hostile, angry, or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are being treated.
Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.
Overwhelmed by disabling fears.
Unsuccessful at the enterprises you take on in life.
Unsuccessful in personal relationships.
Emotionally or physically unhealthy.
Addicted to unhealthy substances, such as the abuse of alcohol, drugs, food, or unhealthy behavior such as excessive gambling, shopping, sex, smoking, work, etc.
Over responsible and guilt ridden in your need to rescue and enable others in your life.
Unable to develop trust or to feel secure with others.
Resistant to vulnerability.
www.coping.org/ James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D. Note: Original materials on this site may be reproduced for your personal, educational, or noncommercial use as long as you credit the authors and website.
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