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Really not heard..........

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Anonymous:
Ellie:  Oh my God!!!!!  If I didn't know better I would have thought that I was reading something I wrote!!!  I had twin best friends in jr. high that were Catholics.  I basically chastised them for being Catholics and that they weren't really Chrisitans (basically spewing the venom and brainwashing that I had had all my life.)  We went to an A/G church and honestly I got the speeches about how uninformed everyone from the baptist or Methodist or Lutheran denominations and how they were'nt "true" Christians.  My "birds and the bees" conversation amounted to "here's a box of Kotex, if you should start your period when I am out of town, tape one of these to your panties....."  The first time I had sex, I didn't even know how the male anatomy worked.  I guess my mom thought if I didn't know anything I wouldn't go there and because she was such a good Christian that we shouldn't talk about such things.  (Funny she was pregnant at 17 but we never talked about that......that was a lifetime ago BEFORE she became a Christian.....)  I, too, am 45 years old and get the "I have so much wisdom to give you, why aren't you receptive to my training?"  And I say, "I don't need to be trained!!!!  The training was supposed to happen when I was a teenager!!!!"  Well the thing that blew up in her face recently was that she "lied" to our employees and told them she needed to draw a line in the sand and start spending more time with my dad and go into semi-retirement.  Well this was a ploy to take some time off to get a facelift.  So when employees asked me where she was (she had told them they were doing some travelling - but in reality they were right in town.....my dad was not allowed to go out - he had to be in hiding with her so no one knew they were home.) I had to lie and tell them she was headed for Branson or somewhere else.  Well, when she came back six weeks later and it was so obvious that she had had a facelift, several of the employees came to me and told me that they felt like they had been lied to.  Well the good news for me is that she can't come around as much as she used to because she concocted this elaborate lie about spending more time with my dad, etc. and if she didn't pretend to be doing that then the lie would be exposed.  So she got herself into this position where she lost a little control.  But now in her frustration, she takes it out on me.  When we meet she cries and asks me why I "keep her at arms length?"  And I told her it is because I do not feel safe with her and I do not trust her.  WEll, she told me that she thinks I am going around to all the employees and swaying them to be on my side and that she doesn't trust me (what she doesn't trust is that I am exposing the family secrets.........)  Well, in a way I am because when people ask me if I have lived under the scrutiny that they feel all my life and I say yes, they hug me and tell me that they feel really sorry for me and wish I hadn't.......................so they are feeling it from her and that's why all the allegiance is with me.

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