Author Topic: Dealing with a string of losses in life  (Read 1596 times)

Dawning

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Dealing with a string of losses in life
« on: January 04, 2009, 05:15:05 PM »
How does one deal with a string of losses in life?

I lost my family from the moment I was born - unless I sacrificed my own happiness by playing into their need for me to be worthless and messed up. 

I have lost friends seemingly because I couldn't give them what they needed.

I lost my ability to have a child because I pined on for a man who broke up with me when I was 33.

Loss seems to follow me around.  I have no money for psychotherapy right now.  And no time.

I will take some acting classes starting 17 January. 

I am listening to Claude DeBussy now.  Very calming. 

What might help?

I need to feel connected.  But no one seems to what to connect with me.

Dawning.
"No one's life is worth more than any other...no sister is less than any brother...."

lighter

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Re: Dealing with a string of losses in life
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2009, 05:52:37 PM »
((((Dawning)))

I think Amber's written account of overcoming would be a helpful read.


Lighter

Dawning

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Re: Dealing with a string of losses in life
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2009, 06:08:35 PM »
Dear Lighter,

Can you (or anyone) point me to Amber's written account?
"No one's life is worth more than any other...no sister is less than any brother...."

Izzy_*now*

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Re: Dealing with a string of losses in life
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2009, 06:18:27 PM »
Yes! Who is Amber? I don't see the name on the Member's List.

EDIT.]

As far as losses are concerned, but don’t go by me, I have had many.

I lost my family without even knowing it, because I was born overly sensitive.
I lost a baby brother to death, when I was 7.
I lost my only love , Joe, because I didn’t choose well. He was an alcoholic and physical abuser, who loved me and fathered my daughter, but I was not wise enough to see that we, in the end would not work. He completed suicide at age 47, when I was 40 and our daughter was 15.
I lost my daughter at her age 18 when she met a Narcissist who divided and conquered, without my knowledge of the aberrant behaviour of an N. So at the same time, I lost my grandchildren, 3 altogether.
I lost friends because I was not like them… being that I was to keep secret the abuse that was happening at home and did not feel worthy of anyone’s friendship.

I had my own way of thinking, which appeared to be wrong.
Now in my 70th year I have put all the pieces together from reading and therapy and realize I was not as much a mess and different that I thought I was.
I reframed many, many incidents, and put the actual perpetrator in the position of ownership of the misdeed, and put myself in the position of a person who really did not hate herself, but was too easily scapegoated and shamed by others who were dysfunctional.
I have made my mistakes, certainly, but am in a much better position now to realize what happened in my life.
Therapy for me was from age 19 to the present, 50 years, but not steadily, as I found that NO therapist actually could connect with me and my failings.
I now know I am classified as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Much Luck and Insight
Izzy

« Last Edit: January 04, 2009, 06:36:02 PM by Izzy_*now* »
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Hopalong

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Re: Dealing with a string of losses in life
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2009, 09:38:44 PM »
Hi Dawning...
I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I hope the new year will bring some new connections you can't even visualize now...

I would love to sit with you and enjoy Debussy.

Elgar, Mozart, Suk, Dvorak, Saint-Saens, Williams...on and on.

That is a real joy.

Sending you a hug and cup of friendship,

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Dealing with a string of losses in life
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2009, 06:13:26 AM »
Amber is PheonixRising and you;re right Izzy.... her story isn't listed on member's story board.

Lighter

teartracks

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Re: Dealing with a string of losses in life
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2009, 10:15:10 AM »



((((((((((Dear Dawning,)))))))))))))))

There are so many levels on which I relate to you and the losses you've endured.

I wish I had simple answers to what to do about losses.  I don't.  A lot of it is simply enduring, even when  it seems pointless.   Identifying the 'point' always seems to come after the fact for me.   My faith in God sustains me.   

tt


Dawning

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Re: Dealing with a string of losses in life
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2009, 11:00:57 PM »
Thank you for each and every reply.  I appreciate your responses and love.

In the last week, I have discovered within myself the breakthrough connection between loss and stress.  They are so connected with me and have been since I was born.  Whenever I encounter loss or even FEAR loss, the stress in my body elevates and I can actually feel this.  So I am sitting with it but it is fricking challenging!  I am also 44 years old so peri-menopausal.  If so, then I guess menopause can be a blessing because I haven't learnt about this connection until now.

Dawning, who is taking a break from making sage wands.   :)
"No one's life is worth more than any other...no sister is less than any brother...."

Overcomer

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Re: Dealing with a string of losses in life
« Reply #8 on: January 12, 2009, 11:30:20 AM »
Dawning....I relate to you with the ability to feel the stress.  I, too, ache with stress.  I went to the doc and he put me on some meds for arthritis pain.....

The best advice I can give to you is to identify where you feel the voids and write down things that may fill the void........

Maybe adopt a child.  Or babysit for a friends child.....work in a nursery at church.

Join a club.

Change jobs.

I LOVE the acting class!!!  Be in the theatre!!  Go to the theatre.......make some fun for yourself!

Kelly

"The Best Way Out is Through........and try laughing at yourself"