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Protecting Children From An N Mom

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Anonymous:
I get exhausted too when I have an "encounter" with my nmom.  I had a talk with a friend who sticks up for my mom because from the outside looking in, my mom looks good.  You see, that is part of the nmom's MO.  It's all appearance management.  It's all a sham.  The only time anyone sees the "real" mom is when there is not an audience - and when there IS an audience then the lies, half truths, ommissions, question marks?  Who me?  You'll have to point out some for instances because I don't know what you are talking about.  The "not me!"  The "boy YOU'VE got a problem."  The etc. etc.  Protect your kid.  And if she has to see or be with her mom, the coach her to be as politically correct in front of her mom as possible, not making waves - kind of dumb down - wait it out - and then go home to you.  Like I did just the other day.  My mom confronted me about something, I said NO and then just closed my mouth and said nothing more - I know it absolutely drove her crazy but it saved my sanity for that moment@!

Moonflower:
...

flower:
WorriedDad,

Oh your poor daughter!  She woke up to her mom's abuse three years ago and is fighting for her sense of self. Please get a lawyer like bunny says. The situation sounds like it is getting very twisted. Maybe you can get another psychologist for your daughter that is safe to help aid your case. It looks like your daughter should never see her mom again. Would it help for your daughter to journal her feelings? (And keep the journal in a secure location!)

Anonymous:
Dear Worried Dad,

I am appalled by this situation and am glad to hear that you are on it.  It seems to me that you are guided by the truth of your daughter's emotional reactions to her mother.  But now feel pulled by external forces in trying to do the "right" thing.  But who's version of "right"?

Your ex-wife

--- Quote ---is trying to get the psychologist and me to make my daughter see her.
--- End quote ---



--- Quote ---He has said that it concerns him to hear a 13 year old say that she never wants to see her mother again. He has said that if he had to give a recommendation right now he would recommend to make my daughter go with her mother
--- End quote ---


This all boils down to trust.  How can she trust a psychologist who is going to make her do the opposite of what she knows to be safe?  How can she be emotionally safe with a psych who is following her mother's agenda.  How can you MAKE someone LOVE someone who invalidates her at every turn?  

The psychologist seems to be living in a dream land of "I can save the day and a daughter not wanting to see her mother is terribly wrong and we must make it 'right'."  What a stooge.  Perhaps well-meaning.  Would he make her hug a rapist?  For God's sake!!  Why would any victim want to go back into the hands of her abuser!  

Even if reconciliation were in the picture it would have to be on your daughter's timetable, not mama's.  

Get a therapist who advocates for your CHILD not for her blasted mother.  Of course it isn't 'right', but what is SAFE?  That should be everyone's main concern.  

Apologies, my feelings are on my sleeve right now.  Good luck to you & your daughter, Seeker

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