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what's up with "dad?"

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Dawning:
I sent my dad (who I haven't seen since I was 21) an email about a month ago asking him for the contact info for my half-brother.  I said that I thought it would be healthy to attempt to establish contact with half-brother.  And I thanked my father in advance.  I got no reply.  Nothing.   :shock:

It was in January that I first spoke to my dad since I was 21 -19 years ago.  I called him.  When he answered the phone, I said my name and I had to repeat it 5 times before he realized it was me.  

Yes, me.   :D

Anyway, I'd like to know what people here think about trying to establish contact with my half-brother anyway.  I could probably find out - through internet white pages - some possible numbers.  Btw, he and I were never encouraged to have any kind of relationship.  He is three years younger than I am and has a different mother (obviously.)  We met once when I was 12 during the summer and we got along well.  No fights or feelings of resentment.  I think we liked the fact that we had a sibling.  He is also my father's only child from his 2nd marriage.

Any thoughts on this?  

I am just so shocked that my father did not reply to that message.  It hurts deeply and makes me angry too.   :cry:  :twisted:

Anonymous:
Dawning,

It is ugly that he didn't reply to you, but he seems like a neglectful, selfish, incoherent individual.

Yes, do look up your brother.

bunny

Anonymous:
Hiya Dawning,  :D

My guess is it's control. That's why he's not telling you. You need something from him, and you've contacted him and asked him for it,  and so he's witholding it. He's in control. Or that's probably what he thinks, and he may be quite pleased and even getting off on it. Frustrating your endeavours, I mean. I'd go around him, by any other means available. Get the CIA FBI Interpol in on the act  :D . He's your brother. You don't need his approval or consent or permission or help to contact your own brother. He's your family. Go for it. The internet is a good place to start, and other family members, maybe.

CG

PS
(I know they're called half-brothers by some.  I tend to think differently on that topic and so I don't use that terminology. Hope that's okay  :D .)

Anonymous:
Hi Dawning,

Agree with others here.  By going through an N for information, you've given him control to give or not give.  Hmm, what will hurt the most?  To not give!  They don't even have to think about it.  

Don't be a moth to the flame.  We need to work around our Ns to get what we want or need.  Otherwise we frustrate ourselves.  Sure, in a normal situation, I would call someone who is likely to have half brother's number.  But your dad isn't normal.  

Not only did this exchance give him a chance to hurt you, it's also given him information about what you want to do.  Two-for-one!  Next time, don't put your hand back on the hot stove.  Oops, that's just analogy for impact, I don't mean to be harsh to you.   :?  Just please be more self-protective, OK?  At the very least, it is a fresh reminder of why you haven't called your dad in so many years.  

Take care, Seeker

Discounted Girl:
if he let almost 20 yr go by without checking on you -- without any contact -- write him off -- he wrote you off a long time ago. Be on your own to find your brother, if that's what you want to do. Don't expect too much though, then if it turns out to be a wonderful connection, you will be so pleased. Spend the time and money to find him on your own --- don't give the old man any time or encouragement -- don't let him into your life under any circumstances -- he is toxic.

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