Yep, Seasons, do I ever know the pushed down FOO dream stuff. The other night I yelled out in my sleep so loud that I awoke myself. I called out in despair "Mom!"
My dream was that I was sitting on a couch next to a window, a huge black and very real aggressive bull started to put its head into the window...very slowing before I even was mindful of it, I was being pushed off the couch by the bull and pushed in terror by the bulls seeming desire to kill me. I screamed for help..."mom!" and then I awoke by my the sound of my own voice.
So what does this dream mean to me? I'm sure that there is much there that I a missing and not able to articulate still, but what insight I came up with was the bull represents a dark and hidden force in my life and that the couch is about comfort and relaxation if not even the relief and healing sense of protection that comes from therapy and sitting on a couch. The bull is the dark and primal nature of myself, aggressive, mean and wanting to takeover. As a child I repressed this very big, dark and aggressive animalistic nature in me, it was terrifying, yet it was there and now my unconscious is telling me that it is still there. As far as calling out to my mom, that was my repressed desire for my mom to save me from myself...as a child I had to spend long periods of time in a crib with no human contact, that aggressive, dark and mean bull in me was the black hole that was taking over my psyche or at least what I was afraid of taking over and in retrospect that black dark force of a bull has taken over my life many times...in smoking, drinking, spending too much and debt, depression, anxiety...all of which represent the big black mean aggressive bull in me that my desire for my mom's protection and not getting that desire fulfilled created. Fear. It is still about fear.
