I went to my therapist today, and she actually said some pretty insightful things. She didn't side with my F at all this time. I think, in light of recent events, she's now realized that her telling me that I need to be there for my dad was not the best advice. She's now "getting" that he's not this poor brainwashed simple-minded little man, but a rotten parent who did badly by his children.
Interesting . . . she said exactly what Ami said in an earlier thread, that children need to go into denial to save themselves. She said that it's often better for a young child to go into denial, because a child cannot live with the knowledge that neither parent loves them. However, in adulthood, it has to be faced.
When talking about the recent news about the will and other junk, we both agreed that while it was a real shock, it wasn't unexpected. She said that I need to look at all future letters, emails etc. with the attitude of "it's nothing new." Don't let it get to me, don't let it hurt me. Dismiss it as "it's nothing new." She's right. I've been hearing the same crap for decades. It's nothing new. It will never be new. It will always be the same lies, the same hurt, but I can make the choice to allow it hurt me or not. By acknowledging that it's nothing new, just the same-old same-old, I can read it (or not), and shrug it off, and move on with my daily activities.
She also agreed that no spouse is so completely brainwashed by an N that they are incapacitated in controlling their own will. That my father did show strength in his decisions, and his decisions were to protect NM and the golden child. I told her that I felt NC was the best thing for now, and she sure didn't try to talk me out of it. She did tell me to fill my mind with other things . . . work on my novel, get involved with online groups, paint, whatever . . . just keep my mind occupied at all times because an empty mind can easily start wandering off to that dark place again.
For once I feel better after a T visit. A good morning for me.
Kathy
