Well,I was so touched by what you said about my being "normal". My NM is a therapist and she always made me feel abnormal. If I had a feeling such as fear. She would yell, "WHY are you so fearful?". She would do this on feelings and needs such as "WHY are you so dependent ,need so much love etc
So, I had to think I was abnormal b/c I could not question HER.
Your comments were loving ! I appreciated that.
Ami
PS I am glad you asked. My friend taught me that it is important to check things out.
All living organisms, All kids, all people are needy. We need, that is life, that IS normal, that is OK. We need food, shelter, love, acceptance, respect, dignity etc..
The more our needs are denied, the stronger they become, it's only natural for a kid to get more needy if she was denied, that sounds "NORMAL" to me.
Sounds like your mother was ensuring/ fueling your neediness by refusing your needs. In some bizarre way, the Nar-people want us to be needy, and then they punish us for it, IMO.
Yep, Ami, you may have to come to the scary conclusion that you are essentially NORMAL, with a few issues, just like every person has got some issues.
Oh, no... what if you are normal.. then what?
Well, the words normal, abnormal, good and bad..are valuation words, and judgements.
I mean what happens if you were to start looking at yourself without the valuation and judgement words and replaced with a different type of internal dialog. Would that help? Would it change anything?
Doesn't the word bad or good, put up some sort of road block, it's a meaningless arbitrary judgement. I guess the word "bad", would that be like a stimulus? That precedes punishment. It's a controlling word. Sort of like the dog and the bell psychology experiments, the dog hears the bell and automatically starts salivating because the dog associates the bell tone with food. Well hearing the word "BAD" has got an awful lot of power over you doesn't it?
Maybe if you write out examples of how your mother said you were "BAD" and then next to it, identify what she was trying to control in you.
And really look at it. I bet you will find that your needs were "normal" or natural and typical. Sounds to me like all of it was her stuff put onto you..
Maybe you got to tell yourself that you won't be punished anymore like you were as a child??
Heck I don't know...
BAD,BAD,BAD,BAD,BAD....What on earth does this really mean? Isn't it a form of a lie? Get to the bottom of that lie and then kick it in the ass.
Only if you want to..
Allright, I really am going to stop myself here, I am analyzing you I think. I could be totally wrong...
