Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Has anyone dealt with a narcicistic relationship?

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lizzib:
I have been with a man for over three years who is always right about everything, very argumentative, does not like my son and who always makes me feel like I'm the one who initiated the argument or situation.  We have been on again off again numerous times and are finally DONE.  We owned a home together and had four children between the two of us.  He's very good to his own children but always found fault with everything and I mean everything my son did.  He gets along well with my daughter.  I was to the point where I thought it was me.  After seeing a counselor who said it sounds like he has narcicistic personality disorder, I finally have a label.  I've been researching the heck out of it to the point of our arguments being verbatim on line.  Just wanted to chat with others who have been through this and get some support while getting out and over it.

Thanks! :D

switzerland:
Welcome!
yep, every single one of us here have loads of experience and stories to share.  some are very similar.
you can catch up reading some earlier posts of dramatic stories here.
we are friendly and chatty.  :lol:  some more than others.  you will see!  but always, we are supportive!

linda livey:
I was on a site reading about narcistic people.  I was a happy well adjusted person who has found herself at a very desperate point...due to being married to a narcissist.  I seriously am on the verge of a nervous breakdown...I am desperately to see it is him..and not all the little things he constantly belittles me with...you are right to be very concerned about a person with this disorder...I am sorry to say it is a consolation to know others are as baffled about this behavior as I.  I truly wish you the best of luck...all I do know, is it  the most slow painful form of a cancer eating through your soul.

Anonymous:
Hi everyone,

I've dealt with a very controlling and narcissistic relationship with my X. This may be the single most important lesson I've leaned in my life -- that this is not so uncommon. It's in our relationships that seem to be the closest, maybe that has something to do with it. People find it easier to abuse those that love them the most, and those that love them the most are by default more sensitive and close to the relationship. We feel like we are walking on eggshells around the person, it is usually the people we love the most, is it not? That we are closest to, that we can see through better than they see themselves?

And do they not all have qualities that we love about them somewhere, deep inside them? Do we not love them enough to see their pain, their lashing out in despair? Because that is what we look for, we look for the precious moments with them, we cling to that hope that things will go a little better and let nothing rock the boat cause everything we hope for is riding on nothing tipping all of our love for them to come spilling out into the vast wastland of things we have collected over the years, those moments lost in a sea of forgetfulness forever more, because we are so torn apart from them casting our love for them aside long enoigh for them to abuse us again....we the voiceless, those who feel they can do nothing but stand silently in the noise of their tempers, their misommunication, their shutting you out like you are the one who is being so cold...What a cold place it can be, to watch someone you love living in this kind of pain and sometimes not even know it themselves. How they lash out in this pain, how they hurt our feelings so easily, sometimes with just a word, or a look....that "look of disaproval or mistrust, that look that tells you that they don't know you inside at all, that look that silences us again.

But the mopst important thing to remember is that we are not alone, those of us who have been in a narcissistic relationship and who have been torn apart by it, those of us who search everywhere high and low for answers, those of us who feel despair ourselves, because someone who is supposed to love you, hurts you and they can't even see it themselves. Nor does it seem like they care to see it. We are not alone. This is more rampant than anything I can think of, because I see it so commonly. The man who lives with his wife in the apartment upstairs from me, they always fight. Usually she is crying for him to not treat her that way and he is swearing at the top of his lungs all kinds of profanity and I can feel her dying inside, they have twin babies who are going to witness and probably already do witness the feelings between their mother and father. Those babies might grow up to think that all relationships are that way, unable to control their own feelings and could end up abusers as well. So it's all around us, not just in our families, but in your neighbors families too.

I guess what I am trying to say is, that you are not alone and this board is a good testimony of that. This is much more common than even I ever thought, before.

It helps to know that even as sad as it is, because there are others whom you can find to talk to about it. People like me who are interested in what a narcissist really is.

bluerose:
I wanted to say how touching this was. I am in a marcisstic relationship (four years) and it has been exactly as you discribed. I am wondering how we get ourselves into such messes...But here iam now. Ieverything you said was so true. For me,being shut out with no comapssion and feelings is the hardest to deal with. There is no way to get inside these people. They cant let you get that close for then you would see the hollow shell of what they are. I wish i could give advie on how to get away and what to do. I can only say that we are not alone.That many are in the same situation. It doesnt make it easy or better.Just knwing though that we are not the ones crazy,helps. I tell myself that i will escape from this web that is around me. But it isnt easy. Thank you for wrtting this. It touched me at a very bad time (more fights more of being alone,with- drawl of love) Its acycle we are caught in. I pray for everyone on this board that suffers so.







--- Quote from: Anonymous ---Hi everyone,






I've dealt with a very controlling and narcissistic relationship with my X. This may be the single most important lesson I've leaned in my life -- that this is not so uncommon. It's in our relationships that seem to be the closest, maybe that has something to do with it. People find it easier to abuse those that love them the most, and those that love them the most are by default more sensitive and close to the relationship. We feel like we are walking on eggshells around the person, it is usually the people we love the most, is it not? That we are closest to, that we can see through better than they see themselves?

And do they not all have qualities that we love about them somewhere, deep inside them? Do we not love them enough to see their pain, their lashing out in despair? Because that is what we look for, we look for the precious moments with them, we cling to that hope that things will go a little better and let nothing rock the boat cause everything we hope for is riding on nothing tipping all of our love for them to come spilling out into the vast wastland of things we have collected over the years, those moments lost in a sea of forgetfulness forever more, because we are so torn apart from them casting our love for them aside long enoigh for them to abuse us again....we the voiceless, those who feel they can do nothing but stand silently in the noise of their tempers, their misommunication, their shutting you out like you are the one who is being so cold...What a cold place it can be, to watch someone you love living in this kind of pain and sometimes not even know it themselves. How they lash out in this pain, how they hurt our feelings so easily, sometimes with just a word, or a look....that "look of disaproval or mistrust, that look that tells you that they don't know you inside at all, that look that silences us again.

But the mopst important thing to remember is that we are not alone, those of us who have been in a narcissistic relationship and who have been torn apart by it, those of us who search everywhere high and low for answers, those of us who feel despair ourselves, because someone who is supposed to love you, hurts you and they can't even see it themselves. Nor does it seem like they care to see it. We are not alone. This is more rampant than anything I can think of, because I see it so commonly. The man who lives with his wife in the apartment upstairs from me, they always fight. Usually she is crying for him to not treat her that way and he is swearing at the top of his lungs all kinds of profanity and I can feel her dying inside, they have twin babies who are going to witness and probably already do witness the feelings between their mother and father. Those babies might grow up to think that all relationships are that way, unable to control their own feelings and could end up abusers as well. So it's all around us, not just in our families, but in your neighbors families too.

I guess what I am trying to say is, that you are not alone and this board is a good testimony of that. This is much more common than even I ever thought, before.

It helps to know that even as sad as it is, because there are others whom you can find to talk to about it. People like me who are interested in what a narcissist really is.
--- End quote ---

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