Telling Nmother about my therapy

[Hopalong]

Kathy I'll be your Momentary Mom:

I am so proud of you.
LOOK at you.
Here you are getting your degree after a really, really difficult struggle.
What character this shows.
What a fine strong young woman you have turned out to be.

BRAVO.

I hope this diploma is framed and hung on a wall, or if it's not, maybe that would be a good ritual for claiming the pride of that, for yourself?

How cool would THAT be?

What color frame? (Conventional black is not required. What if you decorated a mat with joy...framed it, hung it in a mini-ceremony of heartfelt respect and congratulation for yourself? Can I come?)

(((((((((((((((((((((((Kathy))))))))))))))))))))) no "Just" about you...

Hops

[BonesMS]

Yep, Bones. Whoever said "time heals all wounds" certainly didn't have an N mother.

EXACTLY!!!!!  Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bones

[JustKathy]

Kathy I'll be your Momentary Mom:
I am so proud of you.

Awwwwwww . . . Hops, THANK YOU. 

[bearwithme]

All NWomb-Donors are NOTHING but @#$!   

Even though the NWomb-Donor I was saddled with is long-dead.....I still feel RAGE and HATRED toward that MONSTER!!!!!

Bones

I think that is what will happen to me if my Nmom dies tomorrow...eventhough she's gone, I may still have my problems.  Interesting though, makes me think of the 'here and now' philosophy.  Must take care of myself...IT'S MY TURN TO BE SELFISH!!

bones, how long has your N been deceased?

[BonesMS]

All NWomb-Donors are NOTHING but @#$!   

Even though the NWomb-Donor I was saddled with is long-dead.....I still feel RAGE and HATRED toward that MONSTER!!!!!

Bones

I think that is what will happen to me if my Nmom dies tomorrow...eventhough she's gone, I may still have my problems.  Interesting though, makes me think of the 'here and now' philosophy.  Must take care of myself...IT'S MY TURN TO BE SELFISH!!

bones, how long has your N been deceased?

NWomb-Donor has been dead since 1997.  However, her poison lives on in the remaining NRelatives who repeat her venom at any opportunity they get.  As a result I am LC to NC with them all.

Bones

[bearwithme]

Good for you bones.  My Nmother also has family members who are N's to the enth degree. 

Sad that even if you burry your N in the earth or with NC, the turmoil still lingers.  I guess that is our duty to try and diminish their lives by glorifying ours.  To the enth degree!

 

[BonesMS]

Good for you bones.  My Nmother also has family members who are N's to the enth degree. 

Sad that even if you burry your N in the earth or with NC, the turmoil still lingers.  I guess that is our duty to try and diminish their lives by glorifying ours.  To the enth degree!

 

Thanks, (((((((((((Bear))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[JudyK]

Dear bearwithme,
  My NM knows I go to therapy, and has told me she wants to "sit down with me and have a little talk about what I tell the thearpist."  Really, Mom?  When h**L freezes over!  She has also, in her subtle way, has tried to worm out of me what I have said to my T, about her.  Also told my sister (NM is a pro at triangualting) that therapists ALWAYS blame the parents for any problems their patients have. 
  I have tried to explain to her some of the things she did to us.  This happened, only after she asked me what was wrong and lied to me by saying whatever she may have done, she wanted to make it right.  Well, I barely touched on the emotional abuse she wielded towards us, and she was SCREAMING at me, with clenched fists banging on the counter.  Several days later, when I talked to her on the phone, she acted as if NOTHING had happened!  Simply twisted.

[rugrats5]

my mother knows I go to therapy but thinks my therapist brainwashes me and when I told her that she needed therapy, I have told her before, she said almost the same thing,,,God is my Therapist, I don't need one, I can talk to God. I said I talk to God to and its good to pray but while your on this earth you need someone you can physically talk to about your problems. My husband is dear to me but now because of my mother saying that my therapist brainwashes me, when we don't agree on something and we are arguing and it's over something from my past, or dealing with my mom, or something that somehow has been affected by my NM  my husband makes little comments now too about brainwashing...My therapist knows I married someone like my mom but yet my husband is very good to me, at times I love my husband so much and other times I can't stand him because of the way he treats me. Has anyone ever felt this way and any suggestions on how to handle it, deal with it, deal with you feelings? I don't want to leave him I tell my therapist, I feel that if he would get cs, he started to but said we can't afford it and wants me to do couples cs because he doesn't want to go along, but I need to go to individual cs at this time and feel that he should go to individual cs for awhile and then at a later time we could get marital cs, that things could get better, we do have fun but there are times I just can't stand him...

[bearwithme]

my mother knows I go to therapy but thinks my therapist brainwashes me and when I told her that she needed therapy, I have told her before, she said almost the same thing,,,God is my Therapist, I don't need one, I can talk to God. I said I talk to God to and its good to pray but while your on this earth you need someone you can physically talk to about your problems. My husband is dear to me but now because of my mother saying that my therapist brainwashes me, when we don't agree on something and we are arguing and it's over something from my past, or dealing with my mom, or something that somehow has been affected by my NM  my husband makes little comments now too about brainwashing...My therapist knows I married someone like my mom but yet my husband is very good to me, at times I love my husband so much and other times I can't stand him because of the way he treats me. Has anyone ever felt this way and any suggestions on how to handle it, deal with it, deal with you feelings? I don't want to leave him I tell my therapist, I feel that if he would get cs, he started to but said we can't afford it and wants me to do couples cs because he doesn't want to go along, but I need to go to individual cs at this time and feel that he should go to individual cs for awhile and then at a later time we could get marital cs, that things could get better, we do have fun but there are times I just can't stand him...

Wow, this is my mother to the "T."  Like I said before, she called me a "sucker" for believing my therapist and told me I got "ripped off."  And the whole "God" thing just makes me want to jump out the window.  My Nmom uses God for everything...she prances around my house with her Bible and her little booklets on her Bible studies, etc..she writes notes and says this is her study in life.  Okay, good for her.  But where was God when she was abusing the crap out of me and my brother?  Where was her God when she told my I was dumb and stupid and slow?? Where was her almighty God when I got Shingles at the age of 11 and had chronic eczema?  Where was He?  Doesn't it say somewhere in all those Bible notes of hers that you should say "sorry" if you have done someone wrong?  Doesn't it say somewhere in her Bible study lessons that when someone is hurting and comes to you begging to be loved that you should be like Him and embrace them and love them unconditionally????

Rugrat:  as for your husband and him using the therapist thing against you.  My husband did the same thing to me.  When I was really upset at something he said or did or we were arguing about my Nmom, etc., he would comment on how my therapist is "teaching me" the wrong things, etc, and that maybe I am getting "ripped off."  One thing I can do in my life is stand up for myself with my husband, but unfortunately, not with anyone else and I don't know why.  I take a stand with him and I don't let go until he realizes he is wrong and he has hurt me.  I get smug right back and then he backs down.  I even do to him what he has done to me, and then, he knows I'm not in any mood to listen to his maligning comments.  I show him that his comments are useless.

He does say that he's sorry and that he "popped off."  He will give in and hug me and all is okay. He gets mad just like I do and says stupid things....he knows what pushes my buttons.  Sometimes he's like my mother (so I think) but most of the time he's the complete opposite.   Sometimes I think he has no control over what he says...he says things without thinking them through.

I don't know how you should handle your husband and his treatment of you.  I don't know the details to say.  The individual cs sounds perfect because he may need to work on himself for a while and that may lead to better treatment of you...he may not love himself that much to know the difference.

[rugrats5]

bearwithme,
                I usually am like you and don't give in, He usually sees my point and says he is sorry but usuaaly after he has made me beg, or cry,etc...depending on the situation. He does hug and kiss me and says he loves me and I tell him you don't understand what it was like and even now you see what she does to me...I am not like you I can't let things just go, roll off my shoulders,etc... For the most part he is opposite too but hes at least 25% like her. Thanks for the feedback, it helped. It helps to know I am not alone

[bearwithme]

Rugs:  This is actually an interesting topic.  The relationship we have with our husbands is dynamic.  One that needs to be addressed all the time. I'll come back and post more when I have a moment to think of other things that my Nmom had done to hinder my emotional growth, thus, affecting my relationships with the opposite sex.

[Lucky]

I have been seeing a therapist in the past and my mother knew about it but she never mentioned it and did not show any interest at all to talk about it.

[Ami]

my mother knows I go to therapy but thinks my therapist brainwashes me and when I told her that she needed therapy, I have told her before, she said almost the same thing,,,God is my Therapist, I don't need one, I can talk to God. I said I talk to God to and its good to pray but while your on this earth you need someone you can physically talk to about your problems. My husband is dear to me but now because of my mother saying that my therapist brainwashes me, when we don't agree on something and we are arguing and it's over something from my past, or dealing with my mom, or something that somehow has been affected by my NM  my husband makes little comments now too about brainwashing...My therapist knows I married someone like my mom but yet my husband is very good to me, at times I love my husband so much and other times I can't stand him because of the way he treats me. Has anyone ever felt this way and any suggestions on how to handle it, deal with it, deal with you feelings? I don't want to leave him I tell my therapist, I feel that if he would get cs, he started to but said we can't afford it and wants me to do couples cs because he doesn't want to go along, but I need to go to individual cs at this time and feel that he should go to individual cs for awhile and then at a later time we could get marital cs, that things could get better, we do have fun but there are times I just can't stand him...

I understand how you feel about all those complicated  relationships. I am trying to sort them out, too.I hope I do before I die. Keep writing, (((Sweetie.)))) You have a beautiful ,sweet presence.      Ami

[rugrats5]

thank you ami, that means alot