Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Books that have helped you understand??
clara:
The book, Too Good to Leave and Too Bad to Stay, by Mira Kirshenbaum, an experienced marriage therapist. Her sole purpose in writing the book is to help people like me come to terms with the stupid, circular, obsessive questioning of whether to put up with or leave our difficult spouses.
Although she doesn's mention N specifically, it is quite clear that it is N spouses who pose the biggest dilemma for deciding what to do. No matter how miserable we feel in their presence, we seem to feel that we do not have the "right" to leave them, because after all we are the cause of the problem, it's never them (or that's how they twist things around, anyway).
She gets you to the painful bottom line on whether or not people like this are worth spending the rest of our lives with. Of course it is you, the reader, who crafts your own "ending" to her book.
Anna:
Thanks to everyone who's recommended the books on this forum. I have been systematically going through as many as possible.
I've found one myself that I don't believe has been mentioned called, The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple by Joan Lachkar, Ph.D. Believe this book is geared toward the professional, however, I sadly found myself within the chapter of Borderline Personality Disorder. :cry:
I'm going to my therapist today to sort some things out but I do believe this book is exactly describing my husband, my marriage and me. We are professional "dancers" -- lol. It's not funny actually.
I don't know how many other voiceless may or may not identify with BPD, but it explains a lot more to me about me. I'd suggest looking it up on the internet and make a determination for yourself. I believe that knowledge is power, but it still hurts and infuriates me too.
As always........ take care everyone. Let me know what you think! We'll compare notes.
clara:
Here is a new book that looks like it could be spot on for dealing with an N-partner.
It's called "Loving the Self-Absorbed" by Nina Brown and talks about five patterns of N in a marriage. I haven't read it yet, and probably won't because I have no motivation to "love" my N-partner. But that's just me.
Link to its description:
http://www.newharbinger.com/cgi-local/SoftCart.exe/online-store/scstore/p-3546.html?L+scstore+dcdl7700ff9d809d+1098643042
Tinkergirl:
hi...
i've also found that the Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller is wonderful and the Narcissistic Family by Pressman. The N Family book is a bit clinical and written for therapists, but it is clearly written and sheds lots of insight on how to manage the N family.
Anna:
Hey everyone,
I'm happy :lol: and embarrassed :oops: to report that I am definitely not a Borderline Personality, although I do share some of the traits.
It has been determined however that I suffer from what is commonly known as "Medical Student's Disease". LOL That "diagnosis" gave me huge relief and a big laugh. (If you haven't heard of it, you might want to look it up online for a quick giggle.)
Hope I didn't lead any of you astray!
I'm currently trying to read Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child but I'm finding it very difficult to get into it after my last experience! LOL Gotta laugh.... it's very healing.
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