3 D Group

[Ami]

I think I am finally getting comfortable with a 3 D group. I used to know how to handle myself in a group but then got afraid when I got so beaten down by my NM and H.
 I know Polymath talks about being with people and being in his own head. I think I have finally gotten my own head clear enough that I can be present in the moment and feel out the situation.
 That is a huge thing for me.
 I used to be interacting WITH the FOO patterns all the time and NOT reality.
 I think this is what you are saying, RS.
 I hope you don't mind my refering to you on my thread.
 

[Ami]

I think a 3D group calls for a very important thing--one's own self esteem. When I was in a group as a young person, THE most important part was my relationship with myself.
 You have to be your own best friend ,first. If not, you will get pulled places you do not want to go, emotionally and  physically.
 I am just at the beginning of doing this, just defining it .
 

[Ami]

I used to have "dependency issues" as RS describes on his threads. IOW, I lived from the outside in, not the inside out.I still have them but I want to adddress them as  I become part of life more.
 Psychology calls it inner locus of control vs outer.
 Sometimes terms make me feel hopeless. I just like to call it centered ,knowing who you are, respecting yourself, honoring yourself , not going against yourself etc.

[Ami]

The BIG thing my NM took away from me was a natural kind of pride that you should feel in yourself.I could never "shine" around here b/c she made sure she would rage so badly that I would be cringing.
 I want to shine with what is special in me. That is emotional health, I think.
 Helen and I were talking about that.

[Gabben]

Ami - it sounds like self the esteem issues I know all too wel. There was a time when I could not even grasp the meaning of what self esteem was, it was a foreign concept in the sense that I felt that I could only be OK if I had particular external things such as: cars, house, husband, children, friends, etc, nice furniture, clothes....but even more I felt that I could only esteem myself if others esteemed me first through achievement or success, I found out that no matter what I achieved or gained materially I was always going to feel that fearful emptiness and that my real sense of self esteem had to be founded on a relationship with God. In Him I am and can just be without anything or anyone loving me and still I feel OK, really OK and full.

That is the starting place to grow a foundation of a healthy sense of self, I am OK in Him and I am OK to be human, have needs, a voice, make mistakes, even make disasters and falter, as long as I clean up my messes and my sides of the street, God's grace fills me and reaches beyond the need for self-esteem of any sort.

Does any of this make sense?

[Ami]

Ami - it sounds like self the esteem issues I know all too wel. There was a time when I could not even grasp the meaning of what self esteem was, it was a foreign concept in the sense that I felt that I could only be OK if I had particular external things such as: cars, house, husband, children, friends, etc, nice furniture, clothes....but even more I felt that I could only esteem myself if others esteemed me first through achievement or success, I found out that no matter what I achieved or gained materially I was always going to feel that fearful emptiness and that my real sense of self esteem had to be founded on a relationship with God. In Him I am and can just be without anything or anyone loving me and still I feel OK, really OK and full.

That is the starting place to grow a foundation of a healthy sense of self, I am OK in Him and I am OK to be human, have needs, a voice, make mistakes, even make disasters and falter, as long as I clean up my messes and my sides of the street, God's grace fills me and reaches beyond the need for self-esteem of any sort.

Does any of this make sense?

Thank you, Lise. God's love is the basis for everything. You are 100 % right!                                   Ami

[Ami]

I have to get back and tell you about how my morning went with another group. I SEE so much about myself now that we are talking about this topic.
It really hurts to see how insecure and self doubting I am but it seems to be getting better each time. I hope it is and I hope that at the end I will be a confident person.       Ami

[polymath]

I think your absolutely right.These online groups can only go so far because they lack the face to face interaction and all the pitfalls that includes. in 3D we have to think, respond, respect others and ourselves, all in real time. Real time is tough when your dealing with the thought patterns that developed from your FOO before you can even remember.

I think we tend to lean on these forums too much when they just don't do the trick. Its so easy to come and go, impossible to build the real give and take bond necessary to real connection. I've seen several references to people that were here and now are gone. No one really knew them as a flesh and blood human being so when they left it was just so many bits and bites. Without commitment, real connection is virtually impossible.

I definitely have fallen prey to this, driving right past a neighbor to get back to the computer and this forum because its so much easier. If I say the wrong thing what real consequence is it since there are literally thousands or forums let alone how one can just create another profile and act as a new person.

The best thing for each of us would be to try very hard to connect with humans we come around. Practice is he only way.

[Gabben]

I have to get back and tell you about how my morning went with another group. I SEE so much about myself now that we are talking about this topic.
It really hurts to see how insecure and self doubting I am but it seems to be getting better each time. I hope it is and I hope that at the end I will be a confident person.       Ami

Ami -- you are precious to me even when you are doubting your self and struggling with these issues, it is one of your endearing qualities, your truthfulness and risking to be real about who and how you really feel.

[Ami]

I have to get back and tell you about how my morning went with another group. I SEE so much about myself now that we are talking about this topic.
It really hurts to see how insecure and self doubting I am but it seems to be getting better each time. I hope it is and I hope that at the end I will be a confident person.       Ami

Ami -- you are precious to me even when you are doubting your self and struggling with these issues, it is one of your endearing qualities, your truthfulness and risking to be real about who and how you really feel.

Thank you ((((Lise)))))  That means so much!!                Ami

[Ami]

Dear RS
 You were real enough to bring up the subject of how hard 3D interactions can be with the FOO patterns playing in your head. That helped me to face them a little more and not feel so ashamed of them. Thank you for that!
 I want to tell you all about my  morning but I am too burnt out now so will come back later!            Ami