I am Not Safe

[bean j]

my therapist (cognative behavioral) presented this idea to me yesterday.  Because I have this recurring thought, that I am Not Safe, I filter information through a lens that rejects evidence that I am safe.  Only the information that supports the idea that I am Not Safe is getting through.

Of course, I was not safe in my FOO, so it is natural for me to think I'm Not safe in times of extreme stress, or when triggered.  Will be interesting to see what we work on next week.  She asked me what I thought it would take to remove my lens.  I said:  well, I don't think it can be intellectualized.  Talking about how I should simply remove this lens doesn't help me.  In fact, it makes the feelings worse because then on top of fear I have guilt that I can't do something to feel better.  I said that I strongly believe the fear comes from a past trauma, and that I need to relive it in order to get the old feelings out, that are trapped inside.  I explained how I thought hypnotherapy should have done this for me, but it seems not to have worked.

Anybody else have a similar experience.  It might help to share.

bean

[Ami]

My biggest "sense" in life is that I am not safe. I filter everything through that,too. I wish I was at the end and could help . My heart goes out to you Beansie cuz I hear the pain, fear and frustration.
                                                         xxxoooo   Ami

[sKePTiKal]

Yes, bean...
and what I found I wasn't safe from - in the here & now - was my own feelings; of interacting with others in a trusting, emotional fashion. (and yeah - there was trauma in the story too - but the "I'm not safe" is a lot less about the trauma than it is my relationship or lack thereof with my mother)

I sort of stumbled into my own "safety" lately. Very, very accidentally... though I'd been on the path looking for it, for a long long time. Right now, I couldn't even describe it... even to identify all the specific events that led to getting there (I know some)... it was more a cumulative, practice kind of process.

From where I sit, you're right about it not coming through talk or intellectualization. I'll be most interested in what your T suggests! I'm just flummoxed when I try to find any "advice" about this... ok - wait: one thing I did was write, obsessively... here and in many journals... going over & over my story from all kinds of angles, perspectives, emotions... and I got the sense that I was slowly circulating something up through a spiral... and because of that process - and fortuitous situations I've found myself in - I was able to break out of the "not safe" bubble. That doesn't seem very helpful; but that is what I did.

For past trauma, I did "inner child" work.

[Lollie]

Talking about how I should simply remove this lens doesn't help me.  In fact, it makes the feelings worse because then on top of fear I have guilt that I can't do something to feel better.  I said that I strongly believe the fear comes from a past trauma, and that I need to relive it in order to get the old feelings out, that are trapped inside.

Hi, Bean.

I can really relate to this as I'm working through a lot of PTSD stuff myself. If only I could simply "remove the lens"! If only it were as easy as taking off a pair of glasses. My feeling of not being safe goes way, way back to FOO stuff. It feels as if it has been imprinted on my nervous system. It's part of me, part of how I see the world, and I'm finding it's taking a lot of work to change some of the behaviors--the lack of trust, the hypervigilance, the anxiety, the feeling that there's no safe place for me. Sometimes when I actually do feel safe, I feel as if I'm standing on my head. It's disorienting.

Like Phoenix, I get a lot of release from writing and writing then writing some more. For some reason, writing in longhand gives me better access to my feelings than typing. I also like to be active. I like the batting cages, racquetball, running, anything that makes me feel physically stronger. I took boxing lessons for a while & loved it.

Of course therapy helps, too. Bean, do you feel safe with your T?  I think it's so important to feel safe & attached & have a good level of trust with your T before doing any sort of trauma work.

Lollie

[seasons]

Hi ((Bean)),

This really hit me like a brick.

I feel like I'm not safe, or that someday I really wont be safe, so I plan for it now. It's extremely painful and scary.

Today I was out and just needed to get home. I think I had a mini anxiety attack. Everything looked overwhelming in my eyes. Of course I was triggered today by old N tapes.

I also have noticed I am very vulnerable during my cycle each month. sorry if too much info.!

PTSS from my FOO, my belief.

Wishing you only triumph as our journey to becoming safe.        Best wishes, seasons

[OnlyMe]

First, I want to thank Dr. G for providing this place for us ... it helped me through a rough time with NParents a few years ago, and I am grateful to be able to come back again, now, as I work through another stage of life with my aging NM (90).

Thank you to this thread, for identifying the Feeling Safe/Not Feeling Safe issue and the clear connection to the FOO.   Ah, so many things are now falling into place..... I am now beginning to understand my reactions to many things, from a new perspective.  So healing.

Thank you, again, Dr. G, and all ....

[Ami]

This is a really wonderful thread, Bean. I  think that maybe the root of all of our problems is we don't feel safe.
                     Ami