What happens (as a consequence of living with a N) to your nervous system?

[Lucky]

Let's say you have lived under the same roof with a Narcissist for 20 years? What does that do to your nerves and how long will a person's nerves suffer as an after effect?
My husband lived with a N woman for about twenty years. Het started living with her at around the age of 24. At that time he was a rather laid back type of person. Now my husband has been divorced from her for 11 years. For years on end since their divorce he has been suffering from a lot of anxiety mostly related to his work. Could this have to do with his ex wife?
I also have suffered A LOT from anxiety but hey, I have a N mother so could that be any different?

[Hopalong]

I think depending on the degree of uncertainty or abusiveness, those who have to be around Ns a lot carry a steady level of tension. Almost like a mild PTSD.

You think?

Hops

[Lucky]

My husband's insomnia because of anxiety sometimes drives him (and me) nuts. Anything his boss or coworkers do or say can set him off getting angry, anxious and fretting. I think somehow he has been damaged by his former relationship. The two of them have three children so they still have to see each other and speak to each other sometimes. According to my husband he used to be much more tranquil, could it be that the change for the worse really came AFTER his divorce? I remember myself having the worst emotional and mental problems during and after moving from my parent's house. The same goes for my sister.
Would it ever be possible to become serene after having lived with a narcissist for many years? Or has some real damage been done to the nerves?
Sometimes I really worry about his health because he already had hypertention.

[Sealynx]

Hi Lucky,
I think long term exposure to N's can make one nervous but they can also make it hard to separate legitimate anger and frustration from anger at the N and allow lots of issues outside the relationship to go unresolved. The N's I've known take over your life and constantly have a solution for everything. Control is their middle initial. All of a sudden after 20 years you are running the show again and perhaps realizing all the relationships and patterns you set up that you don't like.  As negative and caustic as N's are they make you feel like they have all the answers. Giving up that feeling of certitude can be frightening. The more I got away from my parents viewpoints, the more I realized that the world was neither predictable or safe. I also realized that people didn't know who I really was.

[Ami]

Dear Lucky   

I think your whole body suffers from living with an N.It feels like PTSD.Also, it is like being in a cult. You get brainwashed with ideas that are not "real". Then, you try to live with these ideas in the world and your life does not work and you get further traumatized.      Ami

[SilverLining]

Dear Lucky   

I think your whole body suffers from living with an N.It feels like PTSD.Also, it is like being in a cult. You get brainwashed with ideas that are not "real". Then, you try to live with these ideas in the world and your life does not work and you get further traumatized.      Ami

I agree.  After years of putting of up with N's, depression, anxiety, insecurity, and feelings of deprivation become the "normal" feeling of life.  I suspect it can take many years to physically and mentally readjust.   Once these dysfunctions are seared into the nervous system, it's a lot of work to change.   Being light and happy feels unfamiliar and  frightening.   There is security in the familiar, even if it's dysfunctional.

[BonesMS]

Let's say you have lived under the same roof with a Narcissist for 20 years? What does that do to your nerves and how long will a person's nerves suffer as an after effect?
My husband lived with a N woman for about twenty years. Het started living with her at around the age of 24. At that time he was a rather laid back type of person. Now my husband has been divorced from her for 11 years. For years on end since their divorce he has been suffering from a lot of anxiety mostly related to his work. Could this have to do with his ex wife?
I also have suffered A LOT from anxiety but hey, I have a N mother so could that be any different?

I know I developed PTSD from living with NWomb-Donor!!!  The various types of abuse that can be invented by a sadistic Narcissist??????  Lord Have Mercy!!!

Bones

[Ami]

Dear Lucky   

I think your whole body suffers from living with an N.It feels like PTSD.Also, it is like being in a cult. You get brainwashed with ideas that are not "real". Then, you try to live with these ideas in the world and your life does not work and you get further traumatized.      Ami

I agree.  After years of putting of up with N's, depression, anxiety, insecurity, and feelings of deprivation become the "normal" feeling of life.  I suspect it can take many years to physically and mentally readjust.   Once these dysfunctions are seared into the nervous system, it's a lot of work to change.   Being light and happy feels unfamiliar and  frightening.   There is security in the familiar, even if it's dysfunctional.

We see things the same way, Lucky.I am changing my tapes about myself from worthless to having value and I think a BIG hand is going to come down from the sky and slap me. Whose hand--do you think?                      Ami

[Lucky]

Your NM's hand?!
The hypervigilant feeling can be so exhausting.

[Ami]

Your NM's hand?!
The hypervigilant feeling can be so exhausting.

3 guesses the first two don't count  . Oh , Yes, exhausting! (((((Lucky)))))))        Ami

[bearwithme]

Dear Lucky   

I think your whole body suffers from living with an N.It feels like PTSD.Also, it is like being in a cult. You get brainwashed with ideas that are not "real". Then, you try to live with these ideas in the world and your life does not work and you get further traumatized.      Ami

Very, very true.  My T said it was a similar syndrome as PTSD....after years of living on "high alert" then leaving the Nmom home, I had "her" ideas and "her" absurd opinions of the world and it did not work at all!!

[Ami]

Dear Lucky   

I think your whole body suffers from living with an N.It feels like PTSD.Also, it is like being in a cult. You get brainwashed with ideas that are not "real". Then, you try to live with these ideas in the world and your life does not work and you get further traumatized.      Ami

Very, very true.  My T said it was a similar syndrome as PTSD....after years of living on "high alert" then leaving the Nmom home, I had "her" ideas and "her" absurd opinions of the world and it did not work at all!!

I am a "big lady"in my own house and I MIGHT as well be with HER                      Ami

[SilverLining]

. Now my husband has been divorced from her for 11 years. For years on end since their divorce he has been suffering from a lot of anxiety mostly related to his work. Could this have to do with his ex wife?

I think it definitely could be related, even 11 years later.  Once the pathways are laid down in the brain, they might never completely dissappear, but just gradually fade away.  So it makes the victim of past abuse more susceptible to later triggers.

IMO this is an important topic.  I've been thinking a lot lately about the possibility of becoming chemically addicted to certain states of mind.  I find it a constant challenge to not let the negative thoughts and feelings take me over, as they used to do so easily.   It's probably more difficult in later years, especially when the patterns were set down early in life. 

[bean j]

I relate to feeling as if I'm suffering from PTSD, hypervigilence, and low expectations of people in general.  I expect to get screwed.  I expect to get my needs ignored.  I also so relate to the description of a N family feeling like a cult.  The rules are so intricate yet subtle, and the penalty for breaking the rules High- this causes a huge amount of anxiety for me, and it has permeated every aspect of my life, despite going no contact several years ago.  N mom and enablers are still in my head.

It is a huge adjustment.  Hence the term "adjustment disorder" from one of my therapists.

[JudyK]

Dear Lucky,
 I know, from my career (Iam an RN) and from my oncologist, that stress can cause many problems.  I would think living with an N for 20 years falls under the HUGE STRESSOR category, and yes, I would bet it is causing some of what you are seeing in your husband. And i think the other ladies are spot on, it is like PTSD.  Hugs, Judy