Author Topic: Advise for dating  (Read 4882 times)

Lupita

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Advise for dating
« on: September 22, 2009, 04:53:46 PM »
Dear friends, I found a man through a dating website. I really like him. We had our first date last Saturday. It was supposed to be one hour and we stayed for seven hours together. I had the feeling that he did not want to leave me. There was chemistry. I really liked him. Nothing happened, I mean, only two hugs. That was all.
Now, today is Tuesday. I heard from him on Sunday and we had a nice conversation on the phone. On Monday, yesterday, I sent him information that he needed about the building where I was living before. He wrote back with a thank you note very nice.

OK, he told me that he had a great time on Saturday. I did too.

The thing is that he has not called me today Tuesday. I have not heard from him today. But the thing is that in all the conversations we had Sunday and Monday through e-mail he has not mentioned at all to see me again.

What can I do?  Just wait patiently until he calls? And if he does not call?

I hate this situation of dating and waiting. If I call him he might be disappointed that I am too needy or desperate.

It is the first time in many many many years that I like somebody.

Do not know what to do.



CB123

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2009, 05:40:08 PM »
Dont call.

Remember how your earlier dating relationship felt smothering to you?  Give this guy a chance to process how he feels about the weekend and call you.

I know....dating is terrifying and tense!  It will get better.

Love,


CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2009, 06:05:46 PM »
THIS is when you need to read the book...

A Fine Romance by Dr. Judith Sills

She examines the earliest patterns of contact/retreat and makes sense out of them.

It's really tremendously helpful...right now.

good luck, Lupita...

love
Hops
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nolongeraslave

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2009, 06:38:02 PM »
Sounds old-fashioned, but "dating experts" say wait for him to call. :P

Sealynx

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2009, 07:40:05 PM »
There could be many reasons why he hasn't called. Sometimes when things take off too fast I take a step back too. Finding someone you like is great, but it brings up lots of questions about what you are really looking for and how a serious relationship could change your life.

 If he really likes you he is probably thinking about all of that. If he is ready for a serious relationship he will call again. If he is not and perceives that this is going there, he may break it off.  I think trying to influence him by calling him isn't in your best interest. The ball is in his court. If he chooses not to return it..at least you are getting honesty.

Ami

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2009, 08:37:23 PM »
    Wait------ let it develop slowly and you will have a much greater chance of  a long term relationship.    Buena Suerte !    Ami
« Last Edit: September 22, 2009, 08:45:39 PM by Ami »
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

sKePTiKal

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2009, 06:40:19 AM »
OK, my advice is the opposite, Lupita - if you want to, call him! Calling him, doesn't have to signal that you're desperate & needy... nor that you have great expectations of the relationship, but it does send the message that you are interested in pursuing A relationship. Trick is - you need to sort out just what kind of relationship you're looking for... and for yourself, be OK with the fact that he may want something different. Sounds like he'd be a great friend, at the very least... and there's nothing wrong with having another friend, right?

And then, just say you were thinking about him... follow up talking about something you've already shared... even say you were thinking of inviting him to dinner or lunch... or some non-romantic, non-pressure activity (not necessarily a candlelit dinner, know what I mean??). And time will tell if he feels the same way about you...

this is one way to gradually see if something more might develop - but without all the instant pressure of "romance" for either one of you. Lowering the "stakes" - the risk - early on takes some the anxiety out of the situation, when there is a strong, quick connection. It buys you some time, to see if he really is "handsome is, as handsome does" - true to what he says about himself.

How many opportunities have I lost because I waited for a guy to make the first move??? And guys don't usually make the effort to "sweep us off our feet" unless we find a way to tell them by our interest in them, that they have an open invitation to TRY...

That's my two cents, anyway.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2009, 08:00:41 AM »
Hey Lupita:

My advice is to read a book titled:

Getting the Love You Need

Relax and enjoy these moments.

How's the new apartment?

Mo2

lighter

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2009, 03:42:47 PM »
Lupe, I want to add.....

whatever you do, stay busy and focused on YOU.

Men are attracted to women who have lives, and something going on.

Pssssst.....

that's you, dear.


Lupita

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2009, 04:47:35 PM »
Thank you CB, Hopalong, nolonger, sealinx, ami, PR, and Mo2.

Your opinion really matters for me.

Today is Wednesday and he has not called. I do believe that at this point, I have to wait for him to do the next move. Like somebody said in an above post, the ball is in his court. I sent him the number of my  ex-landord, I gave him all the information he needed from my ex-building, I sent him a picture of a movie I wanted to see.

Cant do more. The ball is in his court.

If he does not call, he is not that interested. It was just the excitement of one day. And maybe he re-thought and decided not to call me back. I remember he mentioned he is not ready for a commited relationship and I mentioned that I would only go for exclusivity since the opposite of excusivity is promiscuity.

So, if he know that I am not going to play games , and that is what he wants. he will step back.

Is there a man here? Any man with a point of view?

Thank you dear friends for the time to read and to respond.

Love you all!!!!!!!!!

Lupita

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2009, 05:24:56 PM »
 :(   

i found this


The short answer to the question is though - if you really can't be reasonably certain that he's interested after the first date, chances are he's not all that interested in anything more than a casual relationship if that. You will know.

Learn more about this author, Ron Hughes.


Ami

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2009, 08:33:41 PM »
I think he is gonna call, Lupita. Let me know if I am right.                                         Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

lighter

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2009, 07:37:22 AM »
Lupita:

I'm a little concerned about the BIG conversation on the first date.

Stating, out loud, that you're only interested in committed relationships, bc the opposite is promiscuous, is kind'a heavy for first date, IMO.

You should have been chatting him up about his interests, slipping in interesting things about your busy very active life, and generally having a lovely time.

No mention about marriage or deep or heavy relationships and when you part, you do it on time and go about your happy business like it doesn't matter if they call or not. 

You're happy and busy on your own, remember?

When men are interested, they're generally dragging you into those conversations themselves.

Remember?

(((Lupita)))


Lupita

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2009, 04:52:39 PM »
You are right. Mo2.

I might have crewed up. But why did he stay for such a long time? He could have gone in an hour and he styed for seven hours.

He made me feel very comfortable. He squeezed that information out of me. I was genuinely having a wonderful time. He was mentally active trying to make me talk. I was just too excited. It was the first date I had in about 20 years.

My friend W I do not count him. He really smothered me and I never dated him.

This was a real date. I did not like W.

This guy I really liked. I felt like a child in Disney World.

There is a window of 2 days. if he does not call in 2 days, he will not call.

Also there is an article that says, that the better the date was, the longer they wait to call.

Also, God might be preventing that I get in trouble. Because this man really provokes my excitement, emotionally, he really makes me see stars. He is everything I like.

Although God did not prevent me from marrying an abuser and pedophile, when I had no idea what was going on. Now I have been alone for many years.

Oh, but I did not tell him that I was lonely. I told him I was very busy and happy.

He got me very confused. The date could not be better. It was fantastic. It was originally a walk on the beach of an hour to meet and to get to know each other a little and say good bye.

We met at 6:00 PM and we said good bye at one in the morning. That was seven hours.

He called me and told me that he had a great time, that our meeting was very successful.

So, I am confused.

Anyway, if he does not call back, I will survive. It is just disappointing that all the man that are intereste din me I do not like and the only one that I like he does not have onterest oin me.

lighter

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Re: Advise for dating
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2009, 11:38:53 AM »
Try to relax and keep doing things you enjoy, Lupe.

If he calls, he calls.

If he doesn't, it's his loss.

There's no telling who this guys is, really.

Maybe it is God saving you from a terrible 6 months?

Maybe there's someone better coming along?

Maybe, he's fine and will call.

I don't know what's going on in your neck of the woods, but here.....

we're having terrible trouble with the weather. 

He might be having difficulties at work or with his famiy.

Don't making any assumptions and keep doing things that make you happy: )

Mo2