Is narcissism mostly about invalidation?

[Lucky]

http://eqi.org/invalid.htm

Sometimes I don't get it. On one hand people say that an other person can't make you feel a certain way (how you feel is your own "choice") but on the other hand it seems people can damage each other psychologically by hurting the other's feelings.

[Sealynx]

I believe that no one can make us feel what we aren't already open to feeling.

If someone tries to insult you by telling you that you are an orange lizard with a purple tongue, you would probably begin to laugh. No matter how long they go on about it, you don't believe them. That is because there is no script running through your subconscious mind that worries about waking up one morning as an orange reptile.

However if the same person tells you that you are ugly or inadequate in some way and you heard that from your N parent throughout childhood (before you experienced positive validation from others or could reflect on life experience), they appear to "make" you feel badly.

I think the change comes when you begin to see a pattern in the people who treat you that way and realize they have traits in common with your N. At that point you begin to "take them with a grain of salt" so to speak and consider the source.

[Redhead Erin]

They have no lives, and they don't want anyone else to have one, either.  They will invalidate you until the cows come home, because it makes them feel better about themselves and their pathetic existence.

And while it is technically true that no one can MAKE you feel something or other, some mean, clever people know how to push other peoples buttons and put them in a place where some feeling or other can easily be induced. They know how to "push your buttons." 

[teartracks]

Hi Lucky,

The law of the jungle is that people do what they think is in their own best interest all of the time. 

That said, People Don't Do Things Against You...
...They Do Things For Themselves

tt

[Lucky]

That said, People Don't Do Things Against You...
...They Do Things For Themselves

I think that sums it up. But often it really does feel like people are doing something against me and I would love to have other's validate that  .

[Redhead Erin]

IN the N world, HURTING you is the way the VALIDATE themselves.

When they control us, they feel better about themselves.

When they say some horrible devastating thing and then see the look on our faces, they get a thrill.

They hurt us to make themselves feel powerful.

They confuse us to make themselves feel smart.

They invalidate our abuse, pain, and suffering, to excuse themselves for what they did or failed to do.

They tear us down to make themselves feel bigger.

So when you look at it, whatever they are trying to do FOR THEMSELVES, the seem to accomplish by doing things AGAINST US.